glorified sleepiness of a confused individual

quatro

2011-03-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish i wasn't this way...avoiding all that's right in front of me, thinking that by doing so, everything will be erased and i'll just have a goodnight's sleep

unfortunately, it's been the 4th day that i have been "hibernating" in my room, listening to all the upbeat music that i can find and decisively hiding from the whole world...and yes, it's been day number 4 of my unending quest for sleep

in as much as i want to lie flat on my back and shut my eyes, forget a day's rundown of events, i can't seem to bring myself to do so

well, it's not like i'm thinking so much about you know what but it's just that i realized that i have been up and about because nothing's on my mind. for some miraculous reason, it's just empty...like a blank space hovering above me...admittedly, this is scary

it seems like i'm starting to get numb from everything and i'm not sure if this will be good for me or even from him..

relapse

2011-03-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

yup, you're right, my life is 1 big chunk of a mess compared to yours. But you know what's funny? If I had a choice, I still won't trade it with yours

You might be equipped with all the money in this world but that doesn't cover up your sorry-ass excuse for an existence. Cash can't buy you freedom and yes, I almost forgot, your balls back...

sometimes...everything's just not right

2011-03-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

well, talk about long time, no see...the last time I've actually visited this blog, MY very own blog, was like ages ago. Yet, here I am again, posting my first ever post for the year 2011.

it's been awhile since i've last seen you bloggie and alot has happened. when i say ALOT, i would mean it's more than many and I can assure you, you're in for one hella ride

honestly, i'd like to tell you everything that's going on with me right now but as of the moment, it seems like i'm lost for words and i really don't know why

maybe, it's the heat that's draining me of my energy or maybe something else, something far very complex that that I can't point my nose into

all i know that as of this very minute, i feel so empty...i feel so alone amidsts a sea of confusion and wondering....sorry, told you, my brain's no good right now, i'm just wallowing in disappointment, just bear with me

anyway, if something comes up, i'll try to visit here again and share...

for now, toodoodles!

it's been awhile

2010-08-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since i last visited my blogsite...i hardly remember the password actually and I'm thankful that I did. Thanks to a few moments of figuring out important dates or numbers...i finally cracked it and now, I'm in luck of being here and having the privilege of writing again.

after eight months of being "lost" in translation and just focusing on work, work, bf and more work... I think it's high time that I blog again. Whether it may be a short or long entry, it doesn't really matter. All that's important is that I share all the pent up emotions that I have inside...

Of course, some might say that everything is doing quite well with me and I have no issues whatsoever... Of course, I'd answer them...that's where you're wrong.

It's been an emotional ride since the start of this year and I'm still in the middle of it. I've been forced to do decisions and up to this point, I'm still at crossroads and i'm left with a turmoil of something that's building up...of what, that...I'm not yet sure of...

from AM to SAM

2009-09-27T03:42:00.000-07:00

well, it's a sunday again and I think I owe this blog two entries at least. After all the things that are happening to me, i think, blogging here should be a rewarding way for me to de-stress somehow.

this week has been eventful as it is and to start off,one of my cousins along with her fam visited Manila again and this time,it's not for a funeral service or anything bad but really just for plain vacation. their stay here lasted only 3 days and the highlight was them going to Subic and enjoying the whole day jet-skiing. Sad to say, I didn't come along. I stayed at home and tended to the stuff that I needed to finish.

Too Bad huh? not really, i enjoyed every bit of time that I was at home. Having all my cousins gone with their children along leaves a very peaceful moment here at the house. It's not like we live in one place or anything, more like a compound and if my nieces or nephews are out playing, you can expect a whole lot of ruckus.

In any case, that basically started my whole week and somehow, the middle of it was quite ok and all went well.

Maybe, something unexpected did happen and it was during last Thursday.

I always had this notion that my usual week would just be plain busy and I'd be engrossed with work again. Not that I'm complaining. Work usually has my hands full and it keeps me from not doing anything and be up and about.

Thursday afternoon, our HR head asked me to see her in this mini-conference room near our Department. She had this really straight face and her voice was quite serious and low. I had the impression that I did something bad or I commited an offense against the Company Policy because she didn't give any hint of warmth or did not even smile at me.

When I sat down and listened to what she was saying, it was not really registering. All that was coming out of her mouth were a bunch of jumbled words and the only thing I can remember was her asking me to get a pen to sign papers...which of course, I did.

The whole scene was quite fast and it didn't even took 10 minutes. She said her piece and I signed the receiving copy of the papers and then she was out the door. Whew! Isn't that weird? Well, I think it was...

Not to mention, when I was alone and was reading the documents on my own already.... That's just when I realized that I signed papers intended for my promotion. It said about me increasing in rank, etc, etc,yada, yada...and awhole lot more.

Of course, that left a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon or this week almost...until Bagyong Ondoy passed by...that, on the other hand, is left for another blog entry...

another long weekend

2009-09-20T04:24:00.000-07:00

as i end my Sunday and move on to another Holiday Monday, i realized that after that, it's already the 22nd of September and a few more days and October's rolling in.

I'm counting the days until the year has passed by once again and 2010 is just round the bend. Well, it's not like I'm looking forward to ending the page for 2009 but it's more of my disbelief that alot of days, months, weekends, work-days have passed right before my very eye.

I went out last night with my boyfriend. It's our usual Saturday moment together and we decided to have dinner at Metrowalk again. Well, the thing is, we needed to bring back a disfunctional dvd there to get it replaced so this led us to of course, eating there after our errand.

We checked out the newly opened "Marina" resto. When I say newly opened, it means new to my standards. Afterall, the place might have been in operation for a couple of months already and yesterday was the only time we were able to visit it. Not that we don't like hangin at metrowalk but the no. 1 tambayan in me and my bf's vocab is Eastwood.

Metrowalk is just too near to our addresses that's why we try to veer away from there and take the next farthest gimikan after that block. Besides, Eastwood has my thumbs up because I like the crowd, the ambiance, it has cinemas and after eating, you have the privilege of walking around or choosing one of the coffee joints sprawled around to chill and talk.

Back to what I was saying, Marina at Metro was ok. I originally wanted to go to Jay-Jay's but my bf was against it. Not because of bad food or anything, it's mainly coz he knows i'll be ordering kare-kare again and he really squirms whenever I do, not to mention, i try to pair this up with sizzling sisig, yum, right? i guess, he's just so used to me being preditable when it comes to ordering at Jay-jay's that's why he wanted me to pick another place instead.

This is why we ended up at there... We've been in Metrowalk alot of times and we're very familar with all the food establishments there and have actually tried each and everyone of them. The only one left is Marina.

After much deliberation of where to go to and what to order. What ended on top of our table is still Kare-kare...hehehe, ironic huh? at least, we get to pair this with rockafeller and la paz batchoy and yeah, my bf's beer below zero whatever experience...(in short, san mig light na pinalamig at pinayelo.bwahahaha!)

With this being said, you would expect that the next thing to happen is for me and my bf to munch away and leave a bunch of plates after....honestly, i think both him and me are slowly becoming bochog na talaga :)

"lagay"

2009-09-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

well, today was quite tiresome and very stressful. i was in the office and i tried finishing alot of the things that were pending on my plate. needless to say, it's an ordinary work experience for lil ol me.

after work, i went straight to galleria to meet my mother. we needed to buy some stuff and had to do a bit of an early Xmas shopping. the weird part is, we ended up buying things for ourselves. talk about nice eh? hehehe

in any case, the geist of this whole blog entry is that today marked my first ever time to get caught by the police in Ortigas...and my violation was quite complex. it was obstruction because i didn't turn left on a supposed left turn and this fucked up black isuzu crosswind was cutting me. of course, if you were the vehicle at my back, you'd do the same thing. afterall, i was running a 20 on my speedometer. slow huh? well, i'm just trying to be careful. besides, there are lots of crazy drivers out there.

to sum it up, the person who caught me wanted me to pay a fine of P500 because of my said violation and i had to plead for him not to get my license. not because i'm afraid of showing this in my driver's records or what (believe me, i already have one and the worse part is that it's in Makati)it's mainly because i do'nt want the hassle that comes along with this. like getting your license from the LTO office...the effort of going there really is shitty. so, in all cuteness and perkiness, i was joking around with this traffic enforcer and he let me off the hook. of course, that comes with the corresponding "o sige pagusapan na nga lang natin to" phrase coming out of him.

i agreed and you know what the funny part is? i gave him a "lagay" of only P20. geez, the lengths that people in uniform go to, just to earn extra. now, i realized that it indeed is RECESSION...

back to the drawing board

2009-09-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

i thought that things will be going back to normal after all the hush-shush that we've been undergoing since last week but apparently, it's not. somehow, deep inside me, i have this gnawing feeling that this is more than what i've expected.

i figured, you know, if i brush it off as nothing really, it'll come off as one of the usual arguments that we've come to end after just an hour of discussion or maybe like the usual petty quarrels that makes me irk in annoyance. well, i'm slowly realizing that there is more to this than petty. it dawned on me that i am affected with what's bothering you and even if I try to close my eyes and pretend everything's gonna be fine, now, I'm not so sure

don't take this the wrong way, i'm not backing out. when i said i love you, i meant it. never did it cross my mind that i'll leave you hanging while i scamper off and runaway in fear. that's the coward's way out. i think i can fairly handle this and like what i said, i really don't care what others might think. even if half the world disapproves of this, i promise not to let it get to me.

it's just that lately, i feel like i'm amidst a big battle and i have to gather all my wits around me. i have to shield myself from that big cocoon of "uncertainty" slowly creeping up and eating me inside.

i've never encountered something like this before... i'm too scared...i'm scared that after all that's been said and done, i'll be empty...

after all's been said and done

2009-09-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

today was another holiday monday, among many others.of course, it was declared as a non-working day because one of the icons of religion died and it was expected that most people would be attending his wake and would be taking their leave from work. well, to avoid this, i think declaring it as a holiday would be appropriate neverthless

i was out with my bf again and we went off to greenhills to buy his usual supplies of cellphones and gadgets, something work-related and not habit-forming. teehee

roaming around a people infested place like GH was quite tiring and i wasn't really looking forward to going there. not to mention the occasional heavy downpour of rain which makes me beady eyed with sleep is not enough for one to just want to stay at home and under the covers. but of coure, it's a chance for me to spend quality time with bf. sure, i'd take it

while we we're outside amidst the sea of people roaming about busy spending their cash, i realized that there is never a "tinatamad, kakainis, kakairita, NR, inaantok" excuse for me when it comes to my bf. it's like i never give out any excuse not to be with him. well, it's not that bad and i do think that most of the readers out there who are in a relationship can relate to me. it's just that come to think of it, when it comes to him, i spring back to life even if it's the saddest time of the day for me.

i dunnoh, maybe it's that feeling inside me saying that i care for this person which indirectly pushes me to give that extra boost of energy or maybe it's the thought of seeing him again after a long week of hard work which makes me prop up and anticipate in happiness but whatever that is, i have to applaud myself for keeping this up

i gotta admit, the last week was literally bad for me. work was too much pressure and i almost lost my bf over some issues that we can't answer together and to top it all off, my 6 yr. old niece died not because of some chronic illness of but of dengue (this is reserve for another blog entry) and i have to say there is a truth to the saying "when it rains, it pours" and man, for me, it was quite pouring heavy beyond...heavy.

those were really big things that happened and was quite draining. i'm not even sure how things got back to how they were, but they did (somehow, except of course the part where someone died) and honestly, i am very thankful

basag na basag kahit walang ulan

2009-09-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

I have this friend who frequently uses the word “basag” to basically describe how he feels the day after a party or a midnight cap with his barkada. He uses this term to generally refer to how he is after drinking too much or spending a lot of time with different girls and hopping from one bar to another…

Too bad I can’t use it for describing something similar although summing up all that I feel right now is actually coined in the word itself. Yup…after only 3 hours of sleep, waking up with my eyes bulging and red inside out and my head throbbing like crazy, I feel so much the same as he does.

Basag na basag ako after an ubberly long discussion with my bf last night til like 3 in the morning and honestly, in as much as I don’t want to admit it, It’s getting to me.

You know how it is in teledramas wherein the main female casts pleads earnestly for the hunky male actor to not leave her because of her unwavering love for him? This is the time where most of us squirm and say “blech” while we reach for the remote and try to surf for another channel instead.

Seeing those scenes, I’ve somehow come to the conclusion that these are purely workings of the imaginative minds of the scriptwriter who wants to evoke an “emo” moment from each of the viewers and that they are fictional in nature.

Never did I imagine that I myself would experience something like this.

To say that I stripped myself of pride and all sanity would be an understatement. I’ve done so much more in the last 24 hours and somehow I’m not even sure whether I should regret it or stand tall and not give any care.

Most of my friends know that I’m not the type to beg and plead just to get a tinge of attention but what they do know is that when I fall, I fall hard.

It’s been awhile since I’ve poured out my heartaches nor did I threw in a tantrum because of a guy and I’m not used to doing so. I think I’ve past that “pacute” stage in my life already and I never thought I’d be going back until of course...NOW...

say it isn't so

2009-08-29T08:00:00.001-07:00

there comes a point in your life that you have to make decisions and whatever twists or turn you do, you still can't figure out what the right thing to say is.

maybe this type of situation is happening to me now and yet i refuse to acknowledge that small tiny voice in my head that says that there is indeed a problem

though how many times i tried to ignore it and keep my eyes shut. there is still that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomache which shoots up into my gut when the notion of "breaking up" rises at the surface

call me a coward and i'll prolly admit it without batting an eyelash. if by "coward" you mean like someone trying to hold on to their love one because of too much feeling coiled up inside to the point of selfishness...yup, i guess that's me right at this very minute

i had another argument with my boyfriend and maybe earlier was a tad too much for me to handle. in most relationships, there are moments when bf-gfs do fight about certain issues. whether it be BIG, small, non-existent or even petty. there really is that certain day where you have to bicker at each other just to get a sense of fulfillment that you've actually made that special someone gasp in exasperation

today was no exception. it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life because i got my car from the seller already but of course, that was in the afternoon. the night turned out to be far worse

as usual, it slipped his mouth that he had this discussion with his mom again and of course, i was the center of the topic. not directly but rather somewhat connected to me...or so it seems...

how would you feel if your bf's mom pops out a sarcasm which says "hoy _____, ayus-ayusin mo nga yang buhay mo!" which doesnt refer to anything else in his personal life but only just silently wants to rub on the topic of his gf who happens to be Filipina and a nobody...

sad right?

i'm not here to point fingers nor to look for people who would sympathize. i'm simply here to share because as much as i want to talk to my very bestfriend and spill all the hurt, anger, frustration and confusion that's eating me up inside while i'm typing this blog entry...I CAN'T....

coz he's the very same person who shut the door earlier and who wanted to break up with me...

ironic isn't it?

sometimes i feel like...

2009-08-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

well, the weekend has passed and it seems like it's the same old story for me...friday came, saturday passed by and sunday was typical...yada,yada, yada...

nothing new huh?

ok, ok, maybe some might say i'm overreacting. afterall, who wouldn't want my life right now? everything's just flowing smoothly. i've got a nice job with good fringes, my family's doing quite well, i'm getting a new ride soon and i have a very lovable boyfriend. who wouldn't want that for a birthday present?i bet some consider me lucky just as i am

hmm, not really...

it dawned on me that somehow, something's missing. you know that point in your life where you feel like there's part of you that you'd like to find out? well, i think i'm in that stage right now. i dunnoh how to call this, it might be what they call the "mid-life" crisis but then...is this happening to me? considering i'm not even in my midlife yet.hahahaha

this is quite funny. i'm talking nonsense in my very own blog.i'm a tad confused you know. i feel like i shouldn't be complaining about anything at all because what i'm thinking of is not even close to the problems of the rest of the world. i mean, here i go ranting about how my life is this and this, blah, blah blah while other people are looking for some means to survive or at least eat once in a day...

shoot, i really am talking jibberish...maybe, i should just head to bed and forget this ever happened and continue with my everyday existence..yeah, maybe that's it

*off i go to la la land...*

candies on a raindy day does the trick

2009-08-06T04:04:00.000-07:00

well, i didn't have much time to log unto my blog acount yesterday that's why i'll be sharing what happened yesterday today instead...

of course, most of us know that yesterday was the funeral of our late president, tita cory and yup, as expected tons of people participated and shared their sincerest sympathy for her family... well, it was a very emotional day for most of us Filipinos. I mean, really, i wasn't a part of the EDSA uno and yet, i felt so sad seeing her go. too bad, we lost yet again, another great person...first it was the icon of pop and now the icon of democracy. tsk, what's next? hopefully it's more good news

speaking of which, i went out with my bf yesterday. since we couldn't really go to P'que to join the crowd in bringing Tita Cory to her last goodbye, well, we opted to watch a movie instead. We decided to hang at our fave place, as usual, Eastwood and we had lunch there and watched "the proposal"

the movie was a feel good one. afterall, who would argue. i was dead full when we were watching...i couldn't really focus. i wanted to sleep. nothing to cap off a full meal with a pillow and a blankee

had alot to eat at teriyaki boy. i took oyako don, kani salad and this philly kinda roll and avocado shake. man, was i sooooo busog. i almost puked. hahaha

but of course, that didn't stop me and my bf from buying candies from this "nuts about candies" place in the mall. we had like two bags of candies. 1 bag filled with gummy bears, worms, jelly-like candies in different shapes and sizes and the other bag was filled with chocolate coated candies, maltees. we were like kids on their first field trip to the candyshop.

it was fun, picking out which type to place in the bag but when we came across this 1 particular type of candy, it was really hilarious. hahaha...well, i couldn't really share it here coz some might find it weird and i don't want to be flagged coz of what i'm writing. in any case, the point of me sharing it is to say that i had a great time yesterday...thanks sweetness

it's a rainy day again

2009-08-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

well, it's raining again...it has been this way these past few days and the weird part of it all is that it usually starts drizzling at night and them it moves into a heavy downpour

hmm, it looks like a good night to sleep early.hehehe

life is too short

2009-08-03T04:15:00.000-07:00

being just born in 1983 and the youngest among my family, of course, all i can do is hear stories on "EDSA REVOLUTION" and how it all happened. too bad i wasn't there to witness everything but it left a historical mark on me

earlier, me and my officemates were staring down the window of our building, waiting for the procession for Cory's funeral entourage pass by. i can see the group of people who were waiting along the side of Ortigas, waiting for them as well. you can see the intensity of the whole situation and with the looks of it, alot would be joining in her burial rites on wednesday. it's good that the government decided t declare it as a National holiday. i'm sure most of the filipinos would be trying to join the aquino family in this last time for mourning.

well, i would like to extend my sympathy to them. it must be hard during this time...but i'm sure after a while things would be better and it would be back to normal.

for now, i would like to say thank you Mrs. Aquino for being the icon for democracy...you've been a very big help to the filipino nation in achieving freedom from the regime of the oppresive admnistration. i hope that whatever my fellowmen are doing right now is enough to give back and honor what you've done...

devoid of emotion...

2009-08-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

i just got off from another conversation with you, as usual , it ended really "swell". I can't seem to understand why things have been going on like this for the past week and i can't understand what's going on lately...

i feel like everything that we've had is one big joke. parang naglolokohan lang tayo. it all stemmed from the fact that you bluntly said that there might be no future for us and i should think twice on wanting to continue this relationship or be friends na lang.

see, that's the problem. it's like life played a joke on me. i waited and waited for "that" special someone whom i'd love til forever and who'd do the same to me and yet here I am in this messed up situation as it is. i've been sheltering myself from getting hurt by not taking risks and yet when i decided to "dive in", i got into a sandpit... where i can't hold unto anything anymore.

i blame myself for being so stupid and not seeing all the signals right in front of my face when i met you. all the wrong ingredients were there... you had an ex whom apparently is still not an ex, a psycho stalker and a bunch of other issues hanging above your head. all i needed to do was to turn away and never look back but i didn't heed myself, i went straight into sudden uncertainty.

now, i'm confused. it seems like everyday and every fight that we have diminishes me and pushes me over the brink. minsan, napapagod na ako. napapagod na akong mahalin ka with all your issues and restrictions. minsan, i feel like hindi ako sapat

akala ko, love is understanding...pero hanggang saan ko dapat intindihin lahat ng mga nangyayari?

maybe, your parents are right. hindi tayo bagay,maybe what you need is the "perfect girl". that girl whom all the people around you can accept. but like what the saying said "nobody's really perfect" so, how can that turn out for you?

i'm a bit numb from feeling and i've done alot of crying already. maybe it's time for me to stop and think for awhile...yes, like what you said earlier, i should think about what i really want and then maybe, that's when it'll all be better...

*breathe*

sometimes things get to me...

2009-06-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

well, today didn't really turn out quite beautiful. as usual, i have been busy trying to fix my loan requirements and as expected, it has been disastrous. some people are just born complicated and some are "created" that way. don't get me wrong, i ain't talking jibberish here. i'm basically pointing out that our hr department is a different breed. they really are the works and i didn't mean that in the good sense.

they've been a pain in the ass for quite some time now...i'll try to explain later. i'm really not in the mood...

ang bilis ng panahon

2009-06-14T02:44:00.000-07:00

it's the mid of june already and next thing you know, it's july and it's nanay's b-day again. i can still remember last year when we celebrated it with a quiet dinner outside. sobrang simple lang... i can't believe 12 months have passed already and she's turning a year older and it's the turn of the year na rin. next thing you know, you can start hearing Christmas carols again and there are tons of carolers parading in the streets.

whew, how time flies. if we can only capture it in a still photo, i bet most of us will but then i can just hear the old age saying "there's nothing constant except change" and yeah the tiny voice of my bf echoing about saying "you know, there's nothing wrong with change naman" and yeah, maybe he's right...

last saturday, i was out with him the whole day. what started out as a planned trip to tagaytay ended up as a carrot chase for cars and we were running about talking to different types of people trying to ask what car brand they have, color, mileage, transmission and negotiating with them on the last price. the works, right?oh, in case i forgot to mention and some might of you might be wondering what the heck i'm talking about, well, i sold my car early this june and it's a pain going through the whole process but to cut the story short, i have moved on and i'm starting all over again. being tragic about the whole thing won't really help... that's why i've contained all the remorse i have and closed my eyes to everything

ok, ok, i'll stop talking in jibberish and will revert back to what the original topic was...oh, yeah; CHANGE

and so, i have to agree to my boyfriend, change really is essential and maybe i am not doing much of that lately. i have been stuck with some things in my life for quite some time now and maybe that's the reason why i'm not moving ahead or past forward, the way that i should be. hmm, i've been realizing alot of things and this is thanks to my bf. he has made me see how "sheltered' i am from what's really happening.

i admit, i have always been afraid of risking...or at least doing something that is foreign to me. i mean, take a good example of my relation-ship life. i have been a no boyfriend since birth and have never been involved in any type of shitty-ness like failing grades, drugs, boys, gambling or any other type of heinous misbehaving of the common teenager.

sure, some might say that there's nothing wrong with that or i'm admirable for behaving quite well in this day and age. I, on the other hand, call it BORING. it's like i'm not living my life to the fullest and i'm taking the "safer" road to avoid any complications.

true, i've been that way all my life. i've been used to doing what's right and being the responsible person that I am. i've always thought that there's just the right and the wrong in everything and doing the right will earn you approval from society. of course, i didn't take into consideration that there is such as what we call the "grey area' in life wherein there are complications and doing the correct thing isn't always the solution. i've mapped out this non-complex direction to take eversince i was young because i have been afraid of facing challenges that i won't be able to handle and will be out of my control. i have been so used to having my way that i never thought that some time in life, there will be moments wherein i'd be taken aback and won't be able to do anything to except accept what's laid in front of me

i'm currently in a fix, i feel like everything i have is at an a-ok stage and it got me thinking. is this what i really want? in 3 yrs time, do i still see myself doing the same shit all over again or being just this way. i feel that somehow, despite everything that i have, something's missing... at this point, i'm not yet sure what it is...

pokerface

2009-05-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

well, i've been raving about this song for quite some time already and i feel like it's being played out by my mind. here it is:

POKER FACE by LADY GAGA

um mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas, please
Fold em' let em' hit me, raise it baby, stay with me
Luck and intuition play the cards with spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love, if its not rough it isn't fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I love you
[ Lady Gaga Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying
I'm just stunnin'
With my love-glue-gunning

Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

sometimes we forget

2009-04-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

there are times in our life that everything seems to be going just quite well so we tend to forget what life is really all about

i admit, i'm guilty of that crime, who wouldn't? i've got everything that i want right here where i want it:
1. i''ve got a great job with a good salary and fringes
2. i'm cool with my barkada relationship with my mother
3. despite all my friends being uber bc, i still get to talk and see them once in awhile
4. i've got a bf who loves me soo much and who's the epitome of all that i've ever dreamt of in a perfect-mate

who could ask for more, right?

but of course, life has it's way of pulling you back into reality and biting you in the ass when you least expect it.

this whole week, i've been sick and up to this minute i'm still not sure as to what this is.

it started last tuesday, when i drank a cup of hot coffee from a vendo machine. after 30 minutes, my stomache began to hurt and mind you, it was friggin painful. it didn't stop there, i was in utter pain the rest of the day until that night that i had to be rushed to the ER so that they can relieve me of what i was feeling...eversince, i have been drinking alot of medicine and i began my venture into guinea-pig land wherein the rest day for me is getting my blood examined and drinking 2 tablets of iron a day

i'm still in utter disbelief that this is happening to me. i mean seriously, i think i'm in denial stage right now. it's not because i don't want to get sick but maybe i'm afraid.

i'm afraid that this might be more than just a simple stomache ache. that they might find something wrong with me and if they do, what will happen next. i've never been afraid of piercing, blood extraction and the like. hell, i've even gotten 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at one time and i didn't even cry about it. but this is different

the doctor tells me that this might be some acute stomache whatchamacalit or perhaps appendicitis. sure, they sound simple enough to explain to me but lo and behold that when the doctor informs me that both of them would require operation, i held a very sturdy upfront but deep down, i was panicking. i've never had an operation in my entire life and i don't want to start now

ok, ok, i know that when you get operated, there is such a word as anesthesia but even if, i'm still freaking out about it. i've never had any part of my body ripped open and be observed by a group of medical practitioners while deciding what organ to connect to the other. i've never had something this major and probably, what i can assess as dangerous...

maybe some might say i'm overacting, specially those who've had a hand in a major operation already (heart, brain, whatever organ) but can't a girl be scared for once?

i feel more than pain in the pit of my stomache but more of a gut wrenching fuzziness spreading the warmth inside. i just dunnoh what to say anymore. honestly, i blogged right now to ease the tension and all the bad thought swimming in my brain but i'm not sure if it's helping me because after this whole entry's over,it's still the same

i'm frightened...

catching myself by surprise

2009-04-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

well, it's a monday and it's the first one after holy week, after a very long weekend of staying at home

and it's a shock that despite my boring existence over the holidays, i still decided to take a vl today. guess it's a force of habit, afterall, i've got tons of vls that i have to finish (according to hr that is) too bad these leaves are not convertible to cash or else i'd get alot by the looks of what's left in my attendance form. hehehe

hmm, not much to say except that today was very hot...scorching...seriously, it's like i was in the beach minus the sea and the sand but with the gallons of perspiration all over my bod. not to mention, i was the only person at home, all my friends were at their office, working their butts off.

i was sticky all over, thank god for our shower, i was able to enjoy the rest of the afternoon with the fresh feeling that i had but of course, that took showering twice instead of the usual.

while i was hangin here in my room, i realized that summer will soon be over and i haven't had any near the beach action yet. well, i did go swimming but i'm not sure if that counts because i only swam in 2 hotel's swimming pool and i went to highlands and took a dip in their pool. it's not exactly what i was looking for, i've always wanted to have some summer escapade where i'll be stayin in a beach, enjoying the scenery, walking barefoot on the sand, flicking water at my friend and not having any care in the world...

i think that won't happen anymore or it's just wishful thinking on my part because i still don't have anybody to go with. excuse the sarcasm, but it seems like everybody's too friggin engrossed in their own life that they've forgotten about lil ol me...tsk, so much for having friends

in any case, while i was here in my room earlier, wallowing in self pity, i've decided to take pictures of myself (again, for the nth time) and that basically occupied me until the afternoon when i had to go out and meet my mother already.

since, i'm here posting a blog, might as well, share a photo with you guys...

suman anyone?

2009-04-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

well, in connection to my earlier post, i went to Bulacan last maundy thursday and much to my surprise, i did enjoy the whole 4 hours i spent there...
ok, ok, some might ask what the meaning of that whole sentence but sorry to say, it's a long story and i'm in no mood to tell it right now

all i know is that being there somehow brought me to the simplicity of life. when you go to places outside manila, you sometimes see that people there are different: they just live life to the fullest and enjoy the whatever goes along there way

just like my tita...when we got to the house, she was basically on the front of the house with her hair unkept and not a care in the world. all she wanted to do was make her homemade suman amidst the voice of the man who was singing the "pasyon" in the nearby chapel

truth be told, what she made was really good and it inspired me for the rest of that day. this is the reason i took photos of the suman she made. to remind me that once in awhile, i should sit back relax and not worry about my savings :)

holy week is a time for yourself

2009-04-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

it's been eons since i last posted here...literally it's been 3 months actually

a lot has passed

well, nothing really outside the ordinary, just the same old stuff happening in my life except of course, my car got wrecked last march and up to this instant i'm still having it fixed. well, outside the fact that i got pissed initially, i've gotten over it and moved on...by commuting. hahaha

at this instant, i'm just chilling in my room, enjoying the utter silence (thank heavens my nieces and nephews are not around to pester the hell out of everybody!)and listening to my fave r&B songs. ok, ok, not really mine, more like my bf's...he's the one who's been downloading music from the net and handing em over to me. thank you so much sweetie, without your utter love for music, then i'd be desolate right now...

too bad your not here though, we could have encountered the holy week together while throwing jokes and "hirits" to one another aside from cuddling and holding hands, of course *wink*

well, i'm making the most out of it...you can say that again, this is prolly the weirdest holy week ever coz i've been bonding with my mother...we went to Bulacan yesterday and today, we watch like 2 dvds together. i guess, i have been pining for company since it's like 4 straight days of no work and pure fun...

hmm, i think it's time to end this entry, my mother's calling me for dinner.i'll try to log in later

buhbye! :P

uno

2009-01-03T08:14:00.000-08:00

no, this entry is not about the mag, lay off the whole whatda-F when you read the title pips

this blog entry is wholly dedicated to my ONE and only boyfriend (do i need to reiterate the one in the sentence?) teeeheee...

well, dear sweetness, it's now officially a year for our relationship. how time flies and yet i feel like everytime we see each other, it's still a new experience

some might find it weird but it's true, everytime you go to my place, sit at the sofa and watch tv (whether it's tuned into WWE or some crappy-ass local channel--> thanks to my mother, of course)and talk to my mother or relatives (who sometimes might be hanging around the area) it seems like it's the first time you're doing it

ewan ko ba pero with us, with our relationship, i can actually say it's different. it's not the ordinary type and i'm certainly glad it isn't

if we tell others that we have been talking every single day since we've met each other, they might not believe us, hmm, ok, ok, that's an exageration... yes, there were times that we didn't get to talk, simply because i was sick. that's less than 10 days and i guess that won't count, right?

it doesn't matter though... what's important is the fact that talking to you earlier at starbucks (which one? hint: there were lotsa pips and it was near a club, major bummer....hahaha) i realized that i never felt this way with anyone before. sure, i use to date alot of guys and yeah, ok, some of them were like, how should i put it? oh, H-O-T!!! but comparing them to you, they were nothing

u made me more than happy...the word for me right now is contented...

so, as i try to finish this entry, let me say thank you to YOU, my dear one...my sweetness...

thank you for loving me more than i've imagined
thank you for caring more than i've expected
thank you for being there more than the times that i needed you
thank you for understanding more than i did
and thank you for sticking with me all these months

12 months down, 4EVER 2 GO!!!

actually, counting the time that we dated, we have been together for 1 year and 8 months already....i love you so much...you know who you are :)

out of tune

2009-01-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

well, i spent my whole day being totally MUTE and fucked up

i mean, it's just jan 2 and my body already decided to break down and get sick. of course, my fragile body bailed out on me again. aside from having fever last night at 39 degrees and chilling like it's my last day on earth, today i completely lost my voice

seriously, i'm not exagerating whatsoever but whenever I open my mouth to talk, a croak or squeek comes out.it really is weird and irritating me to the utmost

it's barely 2 days and i need to go back to the office, how the hell will i answer my phoneline? i mean, i'm supposed to go dive back into action on jan 5 and for crying out loud, i need my voice for it. talk about 1 shitty sitch i'm in right now

honestly, it's the first ever time that i'm mute and DUMBfounded and it doesn't feel good. i mean, we were at metro earlier and i got stares from waiters since i'm merely pointing my order to them and wasn't speaking at all. i felt like a freak and i hate the feeling

i'm sure how long until i get my voice back but heck, even if this annoys me more than i can take

at least there's a consolation...

my boyfriend was able to visit me and we hanged at my room, watching cable, dvds and of course, continuously cuddling and looking into each other's eyes, NICE! ;P

happy new year...

2008-12-31T08:17:00.000-08:00

here's to the old and cheers to the new, 2009 na!

Happy New year everyone...

by this time, i'm sure each of us (me writing this blog and you reading it) are quite irritated with the loud booming sounds of our neighbors blatantly using firecrackers and our family members jumping up and about hoping to get a few more inches (not down there)

well, we can't really blame them, the calendar has turned a page and it's a new year. good-bye 2008 and welcome 2009, that's the drama lately...

hopefully, it won't be a real life drama for me this year. i'm looking forward to more blesings :)

peace out pips! (*me hopping into bed and hitting the sack, lights out....)

christmas

2008-12-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

well, you could hear christmas tunes being played out almost anywhere, people exchanging christmas hams and everybody can relate to the fact that gaining at least 5 lbs. is in style this season...yep, you got it right, santa's just around the corner

Christmas is fast approaching, when I say fast, i mean it. The countdown's almost down, it's 3 sleeps to go and you can already open those gift underneath your christmas tree, or maybe try to kiss someone under the mistle toe (hello to those loveless pips out there and those belonging to the SMP group)

i know most of us are damn excited to know what gift we'll be receiving this 2008. some might be fantasizing about the PSP from god ol' GH, some might be thinking "your gift is good but I need cash" and others might not even be at home during the 24th coz they'll be doing a last minute shopping craze but heck whatever you're doing, whatever you're thinking, one thing's for sure: we'll all be celebrating the spirit of the birth of jesus

when i went downstairs earlier, something caught my eye...it's our christmas tree. it was just right now that i realize how much effort i've placed in putting it all together. i mean, seriously, i started around the first week of december. i went haywire buying all the decors and trying to think of how to make it appear or what exact color combo i'm gonna make of it.... we're at the 4th week of december and can you believe it? it's only now that i stop to look at it and admire what i've worked hard on...sheez...talk about missin out on the simple things in life :(

the great swimming "ulan" adventure

2008-12-01T05:12:00.000-08:00

i went out with my boyfriend and bestfriend yesterday to go swimming in the midst of the rainy afternoon. we were scheduled to head off to the resort as early as 9 but things took a wrong turn when both of them had to do something else first and ended up meeting with me after lunch already.

damn, i was really furious and sad to say, my boyfriend had to suffer my wrath. i was off the lid and ended up literally nagging him in front of my mother. it was quite embarrassing... for him, at least...

my mother had to talk to me about my actions and had to lecture me about it before i finally realize that what i did was totally mean and BAD. of course, i had to say sorry to him at the end of the day.

well, the consolation for us all is everything did turn out fun and the place was cool. here's a sample photo:

who do u tell?

2008-11-08T08:43:00.001-08:00

i'm crying not because i'm sad but coz i'm tired, utterly tired from everything... the bickering and arguing that we've done about your ex today has driven me exasperated. i tried not to be but what has transpired tonight has gotten me thinking way more than i should

you kept on saying that i do not give you trust because i have been constantly pointing out that texting with your ex (for whatever reason, even to say goodbye) and keeping your photos together in your wallet is quite irritating. yet, you keep on defending your actions and have told me that i should understand you. i did, i have and i still am...even if every inch of my body is shouting no.

i trust you more than you can imagine. isn't that what i have shown you in the past months of this relationship. have i not shown you more than enough understanding that any woman can give her boyfriend? i will not cite situations nor point fingers but all i know is that i've done all that i should have as one half of this relationship

u tell me upfront i do not listen to you...now,i'm reverting the question back: do you listen to me?

i'm not jealous nor i'm chasing shadows of your past, i don't even insinuate that you've been unfaithful to me. all i wanted from you was a little respect. maybe, you still don't get it, maybe you're still in this whirlpool of thoughts that this is nothing but something petty and nonsense. it's not...to me

i tried to brush it off, i tried to hide my feelings about the matter of your ex but i can't anymore. what you've shown me earlier broke me into pieces that you will never know. i've put down my pride and tried to talk but you refused me the privilege of doing so. maybe, it's the other way around. it's you who doesn't understand, you do not know what i'm going through

as i try to sleep, i will mentally rewind images of what tonight was about and as much i don't want to remember, i highly doubt i'll forget every bit of the melodrama that was played out

i won't forget most of the things you uttered today, maybe you were right...

who do u tell?

2008-11-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

sublime

2008-10-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

well, truth be told, like my previous entries, i'm supposed to be blogging how my sunday turned out to be kind of a blob. that i'm just here lounging around in my room, watching tv and with nothing better to do but lie in my bed.

i guess today, it's not the case. i spent most of the day in scrambles, so to speak. people here in the house somehow got on my nerves and i really just want to shut up and channel my energy into things that are worth it. i'm quite tired with all the shittiness and pretensions going about. i just simply want to stop caring anymore. like treat everything coming my way as nothingness and go about doing things like how i want to. hay, ewan, i'm too tired with the crap that i'm putting up with

i feel like numb and i don't want to do anything about it...

i'm lost for words so i better stop

falling short of expectations

2008-10-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

i went to a meeting with my boss earlier and lo and behold, like any normal transpo experience in the Phili, we we're stuck in traffic

with a lack of something else to talk about, my boss caught me off guard by asking me why i never mingle with my department-mates during lunchtime. of course, i tried to walk away from that one by lying and saying that i usually eat out and whenever i do decide to "dine-in" at my station, i try to finish it and then go back to my work.but like, any normal intellectual boss, i bet she didn't believe that crap i invented and instead pursued the whole concept on lecturing me how "pakikisama" can make my workload easier at the office.

yeah, talk about that shit made me cringe

that's basically what's wrong with the whole office, take note the WHOLE damn office and not just my department.

have you ever been to a company which treats everybody like family or friends to the point of making each one of you puke because of kindness or probably ka-plastican?or have you been to a company where most of the people are just sitting down in their asses and waiting for the bell to ring signaling the end of work? well, what i just said sounds nice but in reality, IT SUCKS! for someone like me, my office is messed up. i'm not sure if the niceness you see around is utterly genuine or whether there's really an ROI because most of the people are the epitome of slacker-ism, if there is such a word. or that is they really do treat you like family or they're just trying to get close to you so they'd know your deep secrets and "chismis" about you til Christmas.

needless to say, in my work, pretension is your only ally

resignation and reunions

2008-09-30T07:27:00.001-07:00

i have always been planning to blog since two weeks ago but i have been defeated with the common tiredness after working kind of decease. the title of my blog reflects what i've been going through within this whole period...

NO, i'm not resigning from work whatsoever. it's not me, it's actually my boss. she's migrating to Canada with her family and i guess, that'll be good for her. Although, i can't help but be sad about it. i've just been recently transferred to my department and i'm actually in the 'honeymoon' period and honestly, i've been doing so well working with her. alot of bad impressions have been passed around by the common office chismosos and chismosas about my boss and before moving to her department, i was afraid that it might be true but she has proven them wrong. she's really a kind, supportive and INTELLIGENT boss. when you get to work with her, you'd realize why she got hired and why she replaced the old marketing head of the group. i am in the process of warming up to her because in the short span of time that i've known her, i'd realize that i am really learning something and i'm beginning to appreciate the numerics of every project that we have to roll out. too bad she can't stay long but i'm happy for her, afterall, it is Canada who's waiting for her out there. who can top that?

about the reunion part, last weekend, i was able to get together with some old friends that i have. it's been ages since we've last seen each other and what do you expect with a bunch of gurls getting together for an overnight? why, overflowing stories, of course. i can't believe it's been years already since i last saw them. it was a weekend filed with catching up and reminiscing. it's just disappointing that two of my friends didn't get to join. i guess, they're far busier than we are. o well, at least i get to have some piece of mind and rest for awhile during those times that i was with them. i just wish we can do this again...probably out of town :)

another sunday

2008-09-21T04:48:00.001-07:00

i'm in my room again, loungin about. as usual...

i realized earlier that it's almost the 4th week of September and next thing you know, it's already the start of October and then, it's Christmas once more. Man, i can't believe how time flies. i mean, seriously, it's like you just regularly get into your own thing each day, go to work, eat lunch, go home, close your eyes, sleep and what do you know, months are passing by and the year's ending. sometimes, it makes me wonder if i've done enough for this year, if my life has been fruitful or not so much and whether i've been productive or just plain bumming around. hmm, trying to reminisce about this year on how i've been actually answers that question.

seriously, i can't point out on what direction i'm headed here. it's like im merely going with the flow of what's there and trying to get through each day. i feel like there's not much excitement this 2008 for me. ok, except that i finally did get a bf this year, maybe that's one of the highlights that i have but for the rest of it, kinda ho-humm, to say the least.

i started my relationship this january and all's goin smoothly with me and my "boo", nothing to worry about there...as for work, what more can i ask?i do marketing, i have a good job post(anybody my age would definitely love what i'm doing), i get a nice paycheck every month and then there's my fam. hey, like what i said in a previous entry, they're not a bunch of lunies but just the way i like em. fun, fun, and more fun. oh, of course, they are understanding too

anybody reading this blog would probably get a bucket of water and pour it over my head for blabbing on things that are not problematic at all. the philippines is already in hot water as it is and most fillies' are wondering when their next meal would come and here i am ranting on how non-exciting (yet wonderful) my life is. guess, i'm basically getting drowned out with my everyday agenda and i'm not getting enough challenge. if i can only figure out what the next great adventure is for me...maybe, and that's a big maybe, that's when i'll stop this utter nonsense

poles apart

2008-09-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

i was never a fan of drama nor i have been emotional in any of my entries here but this time, i've reached the brink...

tonight was supposed to be memorable, i really wanted you to be a part of what i was doing with my family. i thought everything was ok but in the end, it all just came tumbling in front of me. it was quite stupid of me to think that you'd be mingling with my family and all will just be fine as it should be or it will turn out as what's normal for a boyfriend or a girlfriend kinda thing. I guess I was wrong. well, for readers here, don't get the impression that my family's psycho infested or that everybody has gotten out of rehab. it's nothing like that. my family's the typical, all-Filipino brood who loves to eat, hang around with each other and has a past time of joking and laughing. maybe, that's the problem...if you look at them, they're too simple, they're quite fine with how life is for them. maybe that's the clincher, they don't meet up to some people's standards, maybe they don't meet up to YOUR standards.

Tonight's confrontation has left me tight lipped and really lost for words. it also made me realize that there is such a thing as the clock striking "midnight" and that all fairy tales don't necessarily go as planned. maybe you're a prince but i'm no princess. i'm cool with how my life has been for the past 25 yrs of my existence. i never asked for anything more, i never craved for lavishness or what not. my family's been there for the longest time and hasn't it crossed your mind that i would never be this way if it wasn't for them. i was molded by the affection that they have showered and they have supported me with all my decisions eversince. this is why it pains me that you get "annoyed" (as how you put it) because you can not sink it in how we're so different from each other.

maybe you're right, we are. it never bothered me. i never got worried about that fact until right now. i tried blocking it out of my system, tried thinking that it didn't really matter because no matter what, you'd still love me for me. but slowly, i'm beginning to have doubts whether you can take me in wholly. whether you're into this relationship because you do love me because it's what your heart beats or if you're just fascinated by the thought that i'm different from the rest. a simple fascination that would eventually fade out.

no, i'm not mad. i don't even have the strength to feel anger at all. i feel like my strength leaving me and it's not because i'm sick...it's like things fading into the background and nothing more.

i wish we could have talked before you left but you we're in a hurry. i just tried to understand you. i always do, even if sometimes, i'm not even sure if it's still right. i wanted to say thank you for "bearing" with my family but a lot of things were running through my head already. how can someone act cool, casual and all smiley with people that he doesn't even like?how can you act so normal when it wasn't. you should have just told me outright and then, i could have just saved you from the pains of being with my family. i guess they're a handful...that's just how they are.

none the less, i would still like to take this opportunity to say thank you for joining our family dinner. i know that it was such a hassle on your part and it has taken you so much effort in being there. next time, i would probably just leave you out of it. maybe that's the best thing to do...

china-town

2008-09-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

i didn't literally mean chinatown in my title, it's more like i'm pertaining to the real china coz my bf's there right now. he just called me earlier, he's in hongkong already.man, i miss him, i miss it when he makes kulit to me but today, he's not there coz he suddenly had a business trip...

o well, hope he had fun...

although i'm not sure if i can stay up late to wait for him to come home.hay, the perils of having a boyfriend. kudos to those girls who devote themselves into their relationships :)

lousiness personified

2008-08-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

well, tis another lousy monday spent at home...oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention, tis a long weekend coz the whole Philippines was celebrating a national holiday. yep, this is. afterall, the Philippines...where people enjoy having extra leisure time all for themselves, specially on occasions such as today.

nuf said, i spent my day loungin in my room again and talking to my "bestfriend"- my bed. if i'd known that i'll be here the whole day and be propped up and watch wwe, i should have just went to laguna with my family. they visited one of my cousins there and spent an afternoon of chikahan, daldalan and catching up. i, on the other hand, spent my time looking at the ceiling and thinking of nothing.

i waited for my bf, only to end up disappointed. i mean, seriously, i was all cheery when i woke up earlier. i had the notion that we'd be spending the rest of the day together, after his work but i guess, i was mistaken. well, add to the fact that it was already around 4pm when he dropped by, he had to tell me that our trip over the weekends would not push through, that probably made my day...as un-exciting as it became.

as much as i want to act normal and just brush it off like how i'm used to, at this point, i really can't...i can't seem to ignore the fact that i have this gnawing feeling of frustration in me. it's like having your 6th birthday party and not having cake just because... simply just because. it's been 4 hrs. since my conversation with him and it still feels like i'm stuck in between. i just hate the feeling of having to say that it's alright when i know it's not that fine yet and i hate the feeling of not negating certain issues because i know it's the right thing to do.and you know what i hate the most? it's me trying to dictate to myself that everything's going smoothly because i understand the situation that i am in...or the sitch that i chose to be in...

beats me..i'm really feeling grimy at this very instant... blech!

hackers anyone?

2008-08-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

well, i went online just right now and to my amazement. there was a mail there asking me if I was a certain someone who's the sister of another certain someone (from the NBI pa ha). well, if it was anybody else, they would have set it off as a mis-sent email but since it's me who's been checking emails, i'd probably go ballistic on this...

so, i'm starting right this very instant.... WHAT D FUCK!

ok, ok, call me paranoid but i really do not appreciate it whenever some weird creep-o starts to send me emails or i dunnoh,probably try to add me at the ym. it all stems from the fact that i've had a bad experience on that shit already and man, i do not want to repeat it anymore, let alone,i do not have the patience to deal with freakheads who have nothing better to do but perv it out in the open.

heck, i'm not a moviestar, why would it matter to anyone on what i've been doing? my life is NOT an open book. it's plainly mine and mine alone. all i want is a sense of privacy and decency (if i may ask) and i don't get it why some people make a big deal out of me...

hello, it's not like juicy gossip when there are stuff pertaining to me. it's just me, nothing fabulous, nothing super...

what is this world coming to?

unedible plastic

2008-08-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

i'm upset

this means, it's still ongoing...

i just hate it when some people can smile at you one time and then pass up stories when you're not looking. it's just so immature, and to think they're quite older than you are. I mean, WAYYYY OLDEERRR

the company where i work is quite ok. nothing really breath-taking, nothing special or not alot dream to be there...it's ok, fine...I guess.
For me, i'm there coz i love what i do. it's not really what i can call a "dream job" but hey, it gets me by. i get paid, i work on a nice schedule, i get benefits, fringe or what-not, my weekends are mine and i learn (somehow) from my boss.
well, the only thing that i really don't like is the fact that people inside do not have any other hobby except gossip-mongreling or tattle-telling when they could channel all their energies into something more productive. let alone my colleagues...oh, yeah, they're a different story.

they literally blow things outa proportion and make an issue out of all that's going on. their day is basically divided into complaining about how "loaded" they are with work and the rest, complaining about our boss among others. but when you actually observe them and devote your time in looking at the scope of what they're doing, it would make you wonder whether their "LOAD OF WORK" is imaginary or you, yourself are imagining... seeing them spending more of the day talking rather and facing each other for "kwento moments" than them facing their pc.

today is another chapter in my book. i have only proven that they are losers disguised as happy people who make friends with everybody. they do not really care whether i am ok or i'm doing well. they're out to get me...maybe i sound paranoid and all but no, i don't mean that they're out to get me like they're trying to catch me whatsoever. they're doing all that they can to make my life miserable

in all honesty, i would have appreciated it if they could just be blunt about it. like show it outright, that they don't like me and they have a problem with me being there but heck no, they would really smile and act like there's nothing wrong...but the awful truth of it is that they've been spreading stories about you and conjuring up issues....yup, issues that when you try to think of is very much high-school-ish.

it's like being in an episode of the OC or one tree hill...maybe the disgusting version, that is.

i mean, man, grow up. you guys are not in high school anymore, not even a froshie in college. we're all working, living our own lives and trying to make a living. i don't need anybody's affirmation, i don't need a "gang" to back me up or i don't need to be a "mean girl". all i want to do is be myself and work....work with etiquette.

the latter, i think is what's lacking in you all...you self-proclaimed " the best in the marketing department" two-faced pips...

qoute me on this "hindi kayo magaling, mga PLASTIC kayo"

bullshit!

last night

2008-08-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

well, just to give you a glimpse of what my deleted entry was:

last night, my bf & i paid my bestfriend a visit. she cooked dinner for us kase and man, it was sumptuous.wala lang, i'm just supposed to write that finally these two important pips(in my life) met each other and everything turned out well....i mean, really, really FINE...

my bestfriend gave two thumbs up! :)

argh!

2008-08-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

ok, just so everybody would know...i had a case of fumbles with my laptop and have clicked on something here and have OFFICIALLY DELETED my recent entry...

badtrip!

argh!!!

my nose

2008-07-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

well, suffice to say, i'm quite pissed with my nose right now...it's been clogged since like forever and i absolutely hate the feeling of stuffy-ness and irritation but i am actually scared, it's been a week already and it's still the same,haven't changed a bit

maybe, i'm not giving myself enough rest.dang!

roots

2008-07-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

hmm,i'm feeling a mix of sleepiness, drowsiness and my strength leaving me right now and yet i'm still up. loungin about, waiting for my bf, online and listening to hip-hop (of course, including RnB) like there's no tomorrow. afterall, i am a hip-hop fanatic what-not (wattap dawg?)but not to the point of underground... you know, lately, i've so engrossed with work that i don't have time to stop and eat a "wonderful" lunch anymore. all i do is stay in field and wait for my next meeting, not to mention brainstorm til my brains blow out. man, i didn't know that being transferred to my so to speak "dream job" would be very TIRING.ok, it might sound like i'm cranky about it but frankly, i'm not. i ain't complaining whatsoever, i guess i'm basically exhausted from all the brainstorming that i've been doing. if you only knew how "diminished" some companies are in terms of ideas... boy, have i got stories to tell you. it would make you wonder where the philippines is heading to... with the number of nobodies out there pretending to be the "it" person and yet all they know is to bask in their vanity. dang! probably i'd be earning alot now if i had a peso for every person i meet who's like that.whew...today has gotten me really pissed, weirded out and very much defeated. if i can only take like a week of vacation, i would have been in the sandy shores of boracay by now sipping iced tea or mango shake while watching the sun set...hay, kung pwede lang sana... (fu*k all my meetings!) :P

missin you guys

2008-07-15T23:15:00.000-07:00

while i'm listening to this song by carol banawa (STAY) which I think some of you might think is oh so mushy, i am currently on the ym with my bestfriend who's in Dubai. well, for those pips who don't know, she's there for work and not leisure. enuf being said, i really am feeling a little bit sad right now. hell, I can blame the rain coz it brings out the depression in me or prolly my bf who's fast asleep at this instant with his very clogged (cute) lil nose but no, it's not of that sort...i just think that my life has been packaged in a different way now compared to what it was before. no, don't get me wrong, i don't regret finding the "love of my life" and spending every time ( i can find) with him and leaving the bliss of singlehood. it's just that maybe, i miss a part of me when i was still on my own, thinking that i don't need a relationship to complete my existence, those days when the only reason i was out is to meet up with my HS buddies or college friends or sometimes even mixed ones to just hang out at starbucks, Eastwood or just at B2's house and chat the night (or perhaps the early morning) away. I miss the moments wherein we hang at a particular bar at Eastwood either to party the night (up to morning) or prop up and sit at the cashier's area outside to people watch or eat early morning buffet meals and reminisce about past events...

it's been quite awhile since I've seen you guys (you know who you are) we've crossed different paths since 2004 but the times we've had is still kept up inside me. sometimes, i wish that i could just turn back time and go back to our "younger years" when everything was still the same and we were not reduced to "growing up"... i guess that's just wishful thinking on my part...

well, i'm lost for words

2008-07-13T02:37:00.000-07:00

it's a sunday again and tomorrow's the start of the week...i guess, it's supposed to be all's well that ends well, right?maybe for some of us but for me, it's quite a mixed of everything. i am, afterall, at lost for words at this very instant... :(

photo weirdness

2008-06-28T00:20:00.000-07:00

ok, this is weird...as mentioned in my previous entry...i was supposedly posting photos here when i suddenly realized that there's no insert button for photos? crap, i just didn't log here for quite some time and this is what happens? for those helpful souls out there:
HEEEEEELP!

swampin...like crazy...

2008-06-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

whew, it's been awhile since i've dropped by here. well, i've been busy and yes, that's an understatement. actually, to sum it better i'd hafta say, I'VE BEEN SWAMPED and currently SWAMPIN' in work. I mean, if there is such a word that is...my life has been in complete turmoil lately. After the transfer, the never-ending turn-over of stuffs, the negative comments left and right, chismisan about me and my so-called pabida moments and the goodbyes done, finally...and officially, I'm in one place that i really want to be in and where i feel that i do belong to. okay, okay, what i'm saying might seem vague or quite puzzling to anybody reading this blog but hey, what the heck, i'm just voicing out my thoughts or then again, maybe i'm just sleepy.teehee...hmm, there's no sign of my bf yet. he's in the fort right now. he did make paalam and all but man, i still can't sleep unless i've learned that he's safe back in his lil'ol bed and catching some Zzzzzz. I really hate it when he drinks and has to drive on his own. I'm not saying that I can't trust him to drive or that he can't be fine all alone, maybe it's just that lil part of that worried gal-friend in me that can't stand the idea of him being not home yet at this hour...dang! I'm beginning to sound like my mother.hehehe. o well,nothing much to say anymore...I really am sleepy but have to keep myself awake to wait for my boyps.

In any case, since I'm not in the mood to blab here or i'm uncoordinated because of my "ka-sabaw-an", all that's left for me is to post photos of the things that i adore...at least, that might do justice to my entry here....hay...

photo weirdness...SOLVED

2008-06-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

ok, as it turned out...all i needed to do lang pala was to reload the blog page i'm viewing to see the photo insert icon. since, i've done that..here goes the photos i promised in my previous entries... these are some of the things that make me smile :D

1. My room-usually where i'm cooped up

2. Flowers- ask any girl, i'm sure this brightens each and EVERY GIRL'S day...

3. A good deal of dessert- Damn! this is making me HUNGRY!

pabida

2008-05-02T10:07:00.002-07:00

does the word "pabida" ring a bell to anybody?

well,if the new guy in my office is reading,dude, don't look farther, the word actually sums you up. ok, ok, forget my bashing. once again, i have forgotten that blogging should be an outlet for expressing yourself and not a mere grafitti of emotions whatsoever.

errr...as much as i don't want to, i can't help it. my new officemate is starting to get on my nerves. man, he's like the ulimate "epal" if you know what i mean.

talk about starting the week on the wrong-est (if there is such a word, which i know, is not grammatically correct) foot and ending it with a bang. the newest addition to our team had it going the moment he started being COCKY and acting like a know-it-all. hmm, forgive my sarcasm. some might not agree with what i'm saying about the guy because they get to talk, laugh do some high fives with the blundering idiot but come on, if you ask my opinion, he's really full of sh*t

take away the fact that i was asked to baby-sit him by my wonderfully confused boss and the whole notion of him not wanting to do telemarketing to look for his clients and instead decided to do admin stuff and the fact that he lounges about in the whole area and he spends his time talking to his qoute-unqoute barkada over the business lines for a good 20 minutes or so but his latest reason for not being able to visit a client because he is still waiting for his business card takes the best prize of it all. argh! this guy is really what i call incompetent

i do not want to bring him to one of my meetings anymore, even if he begs me to or even if my boss dictates it to me. sobrang panira siya ng diskarte, it's like i'm bringing a neurotic and asking him to stay put in the lobby. crap! where did my company even find this guy?

again, i shall repeat myself... DUDE, you are INDEED FULL OF SH*T!

zambales mangoes

2008-04-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

by the time you're reading this post, these ultimately delicious and very SWEET zambales mangoes are gone and inside me, my nanay, my cousins', my nephews and nieces' stomach or somewhere else...it's up to you to think where. ehehehe

anyway, my boyps went to his outing and I asked him to bring me pasalubong and of course he did. it's just that i didn't think he'd take me seriously when i told him to bring me "1 kaing ng mangga sweetie ha? if not, wag ka ng bumalik ng manila". i mean, seriously, i was just KIDDING. regardless whether he'd bring me something or not, i'd still love him like crazy. it's actually touching to see how much he cares and whenever he shows it to me...

this makes me think of how time passed by and has brought me my wonderfully-lovable bf. it's funny how you sometimes think that you'd age alone, single but happy and that you'd never need a guy in your life and then the next thing you know, your out going for a cup of coffee with a complete stranger who'd end up as a person who'll play an important role in your life.

some twist of fate huh? i guess, life has a way of making you realize that everything's not always gonna go as planned, right sweetness? *wink*

unfinished entry

2008-04-19T23:24:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to blog last night but it never did push through because I finished talking to my bf at almost 2 in the morning already...

it's a long story but to cut it short, needless to say, we had a huge fight. as in to the point of splitting up and parting our ways kinda fight ah. everything was really tough but i'm now happy coz we actually patched things up and he's in Zambales right now partying the night away and i'm here at home moping around COZ IM MISSING HIM LIKE CRAZY (crap, sweetie, if you do not bring me 1 kaing of mangga as pasalubong,lagot ka sakin!!!!grrrr...)

well, just in case, you're all wondering why the title of this blog is set as "unfinished entry", there's a very good explanation for it. i have composed something already and was about to end my piece yesterday when my boyps suddenly decided to call me and say sorry for being a jacka**, so as it turned out, i didn't get to post my REAL entry for last night. just for the heck of it and since i feel like i need to put justice to my writing prowress, i'm actually still posting it here...so, my beloved readers, co-bloggers or my one and only fan, my bestfriend, enjoy reading:

I TRIED...YOU FAILED ME...
all i wanted was for you to let me in but all i got was a tight lip answer of "wala" which drove me around the bend and beyond my patience...

i know you too well, for me not to know that something's up and you're bothered crazy yet you chose the path of keeping it to yourself, leaving me behind the wall of defenses that you've built

for crying out loud, i'm your girlfriend. I AM NOT THERE TO JUDGE YOU. On the contrary, I'm here to listen and understand each and every moment that you feel down and whenever you think that everybody has abandoned you

this night has turned into the usual scenario of phone receivers' clicking and the murmurs of "bye" hardly heard over the ruckus of dogs barking in the background and it has left me really exhausted. i've shown you how persistent I am in trying to help you sort out your thoughts and share them with me but time and again, you have denied me that privilege of showing you how much i care. you chose to shoulder things,ALONE...

you texted me how things aren't going your way and that the last thing you'd wanna hear is a tale on other people's success, how would have I known that me telling stories on what happened during my whole day would be nightmare for your ears? i am merely being my same old, bubbly, energetic self and what do i get? a flat breathe of air on the other line

as much as i want to help you, you better start helping yourself...

nobody's asking you to be perfect. i am not. this world is already filled with less than perfect humans trying to act like mr. or ms. know-it-all. we do not need another one. what we need is someone who's true and someone who can be himself...what i need is someone i know...someone whom i can be with

sabaw

2008-04-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

i've been hella busy lately and have turned into this monstrous workaholic that i didn't even know i had the tendencies of becoming...

i've neglected my bf, not to mention my EYES, these past few days and this has erupted into a constant bickering between us. as much as i want to avoid scenarios like this, i had no choice but to be caught up in this "ugly sitch".i mean, seriously, i must admit...i've been so engrossed in my "running-around-the-whole-of-metro-manila" lately that i failed to see that i was being eaten up in this ugly fact of life called WORK. ok, ok, excuse my cynicism but hey,i'm sure most of you can relate to me when it's about this topic

hmm, haven't really got much to say. all i wanted to do was to somehow write about the latest updates on me. but true enough, like how i've been recently...i'm dead tired right now, my mind is turning into 1 big blob. i have tons to say and its brewing inside my head, if i can only organize my thoughts into something substantial....damn...

missin you

2008-03-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

last night, I realized how much i missed you sweetness...you're like a piece of me which i can't seem to live without. Now that you're back, i'm finally complete

the promise

2008-03-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

for a lack of anything else to watch, i ended up tuning into a local channel at 8pm earlier and of course, i watched what they were playing during the timeslot...

it was a local movie which starred richard gutierrez and angel locsin, i'm sure alot of people would know who they are and would know that the film was shown a few years back already. like what i said, i was pretty damn bored and had no other options. what better way to spend my Friday evening than to watch "The Promise"

the title, as most people would think, actually spoils the whole story. the usual plot of two childhood sweethearts who grew up together and fell for each other and made a promise to stay with one another no matter what. it's the usual against all odds or more like against all the bitches and assholes around you kinda thing. man, it's the same story over and over again, Filipino writers have this obsession of placing a love triangle element in every kilig movie they make. i'm not sure whether they are deliberately turning moviegoers off or they've been stuck in the sampaguita films loveteam-loveteam era. o well, beats me. like what they say; "kanya-kanyang trip lang yan, walang pakialaman" hahaha

hmm, the moral of this whole entry is to just sleep and not turn into a couch potato during a Good Friday. i've learned my lesson, next holy week, i'd prolly stack up on some reading materials and just prop on my bed to read instead of switching my tv on or better yet, i'll listen to senti songs til my ears bleed out. teehee

ok, ok. i hafta confess. as much as i was bashing the film. i couldn't help but somehow love some parts of it. these are basically the times that the stars were kissing each other. reminds me of my own little "moment" with by bf. man, where are you when i need you sweetness? *hint, hint*

visita iglesias

2008-03-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

today, i spent the whole day with my family...going around different churches, in a Catholic tradition which they call visita iglesias

it was really hot and humid outside. but even if that was the climate set out, we saw a lot of people outside and fulfilling their catholic devotion. albeit, going to 14 churches in 1 whole day and praying in each is very exhausting, i'd have to say that this is one of the best days ever. I get to enjoy being with my family (nanay, tita, cuzins and pamangkins) and at the same time, practice my religion. it was all worth it.

i had fun seeing all those churches and the different types of altars that they have, not to mention the sculpture of saints or religious icons enclaved in them. you get to see the cultures set out in each place by looking at how their church is made. you also realize that despite the throngs of problems facing our country now, Filipinos are innately faithful to the higher being, they never lose hope and devotedly pray, for what, i really don't know

well, everything would have been much better if you were here sweetness, i tried not to think too much of you and be happy that you're enjoying your stay there in dubai but i guess, i can't help it. there were just some things that I encountered which immediately reminded me of you:
1. we passed by libis, I saw the warehouse & the lot there at the intersection, of course I'd remember you here...
2. my cuzins bought kutsinta which they decided to name after you, it's a long story, i'll tell you when you get back
3. i passed by a church which was selling puto bumbong at 5 in the afternoon, man, this was so rare but none the less, i remembered how you liked this and me liking bibingka instead
4. my nephews forced me to play a car racing game in PS2, i chose a car to use and what do you know, i had to choose a white mazda... talk about coincidence, right? Hell, no!of course, i had to choose this brand coz it reminded me badly of your car *sigh*

i guess, what i'm trying to say is that my holy week could've been much better, if you were here and we were doings religious things together....o well, there's always next year.hopefully, we get to do visita iglesias already, mwah!

cringin at the idea

2008-03-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

don't you just hate it when your mobile phone dies down on you right at the very instant that you need it?

that's an overstatement in my case...i mean, afterall, it's just my BF leaving for dubai who wants to say buhbye to me on the other line...as if that matters, right?

Argh! of course, it does...i friggin hate this day!

talk about piss me of day today huh? well, you can say that again.I am oh so stressed out with work. i just friggin hate it when some people do not have foresight on things and do not plan out on what's ahead. all they seem to do is just make decisions outa thin air and cram to death. yup,our office pips are like that.they don't seem to know the word Long Term...all they do is think highly of themselves and act like smarty-pants when in truth, they're a bunch of lazy-asses who spend half of each day loitering around.man, if i could just turn losers into frogs, i'd prolly fill one pond right now.

i tried to end this day as quietly as possible but that's not gonna happen in this lifetime. I had to attract bad vibes the whole day...they keep coming at me like there's no tomorrow. whew, i barely had time to go to the bathroom

the only thing which kept me going was to look forward to talking to my bf. he went to Dubai today for a vacation with his family and as much as I want to just talk to him for this day, i couldn't. well, this is for the plain reason that I have work and i couldn't just hog the office phone to myself. I didn't have the luxury of doing so.

He went to the airport at around 4pm and we had this agreement that he'll be calling me at the time he was boarding the plane already, i did try to wait for his call but I got darn hungry that's why i decided to ask Sheryl to go to mcdo at galeria to eat. that was around 5:30. I was about to go home and i decided to call our house to tell them where i'll be going, so they won't get worried or something and also to tell them that i'd just call them if they'll be fetching me from my bldg. And so, i did call but apparently,nobody was answering so i then proceeded to text my mother but since this was my "lucky" day, just as my ,message was sending...my phone blinked and died

yes, i loved how that melodrama of my phone dying happened...and how i went around asking if anybody had a motorola charger but as expected, 3/4 of the population had a nokia. great? right?

i was extremely exhausted and tired and i had no ounce of strength left to salvage my phone from it's condition so i then decided to just proceed to mcdo and eat. I tried to borrow She's phone to text my mother or even my bf but she had no credits anymore, so all my efforts to actually contact any of them failed...

at this points, i really had to give up. i had an uber-ly long day and all i wanted was to eat fries to comfort myself and someone to talk to because i was feeling really, really frustrated

she was a willing companion, she was nice and actually witty, compared to other office pips (bashing ey?hahaha)and mind you, if i'm utterly disappointed and had alot to rant about regarding this day, she had more....so much more in the past 6 months she's been a part of our company. wow, talk about bonding time for us--> a discussion on the downside of office life with OLD and SENILE people

i got home around 8-ish already and of course, as expected, tons of questions (from my mother, who else) flew towards me as i opened our door. thank god, i had a good excuse on why i was roaming around the mall on a Holy Wednesday and she accepted it immediately. i really had no time to argue on anything, let alone explain my actions whatsoever

my mother then told me that my bf called our house before he boarded the plane and he sounded damn worried that i wasn't home yet and that the last message he got from me was a text saying i was low on battery...

i'm sorry sweetness, i'm sorry for not being there when you called, i'm sorry for not being able to talk to you before you left for dubai, i'm sorry for being selfish today...i was just friggin damn tired with everything,prolly with everyone...i wanted time on my own

it's gonna be quite awhile since i'll next talk to you and i wanna bash my head on the wall for not being able to talk to you before you left coz now that i'm cooped up in my room, listening to either hip-hop/r&b, senti and even to souljaboy crank that,all i can think of is you

well, ok, i thought it's gonna be fine, i won't miss you coz it's just a couple of days...hell,im revoking my statement... I'm missin you so bad right now

it's almost 1 in the morning here in the Philippines and i'm still up, i guess i'm waiting for our phone to ring and the screen to show your number and to hear your very familiar voice when you say "hello"

it ain't hap'nin tonight...i think ima cry...f*ck!

and so i correct myself, yesterday tops all days...

2008-03-02T01:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday was the most important day for my boyps,well, it's the day that he was brought into the world...and mind you, i wish i could transport back in time and see how that went out exactly.hmm, makes me wonder if he was one of em cry babies (i mean, literally) hehehe

hmm, i haven't been blogging here in awhile.i have been busy lately, juggling work and more work in my daily existence. it seems like i've been working my butt off for the past weeks and man, it is really exhausting. my bf should know that of all people, i've slept on him more than twice and gawd, it was very embarassing to learn that you've slept on your special someone and that as hard as he tried, he couldn't wake you up even if he got mad like crazy already. hey, don't point the blame on me, it's the office people...they're at fault. hahaha. and here i go again passing the blame. o well, i guess "nagpapalusot ako" coz i want to escape the wrath of my boyps who's been tired this past weeks saying "oi, gising na" in his more than average voice volume.

if i can only order my eyes to not close and wake up for most of the time I talk to him, i would. but of course, that's not possible. it's my body clock, you see?It's really hard when you grow older each year, things don't work out like how you were used to.ok, ok, I admit...I am getting old. it's not like everybody else doesn't, right?it's fun when you age but sometimes when you actually think about how your life has been in the past years that you've been alive, it makes you wonder whether you're living a fruitful one or not.

most of us might want to change some moments that have transpired in their life but me, in all honesty, i don't. whatever experiences i've encountered, i never regret.they made me into who i am, they made me the tough cookie that i have become...

last night when I was about to go to bed (again...haha), i thought to myself that i would never forget all the happy moments i had with my boyps on the most special day of his entire life:his birthday...

again, i just want to greet you Happy Birthday sweetness, you've made a difference in this girl's not so extraordinary life.mwah!

read this and envy me...

2008-02-16T06:04:00.000-08:00

at Salvatore Ferragamo, Shangri-la Edsa, Feb 14, 2008, 8pm

still at Salvatore...nothing else to do...teehee

ok,ok, I know...the pictures are too much but i can't help it. am i not the luckiest girl ever? to have an ever loving boyfriend who doesn't seem to mind and who's bent on making me happy til like forever...if i could only translate this wonderful feeling in EXACT words, i would have but of course, i can't. the only thing i know right now is how happy i am and how loved i feel. well, some might call me pathetic coz a bouquet of roses doesn't really cut it, hmm, not really, i still am old school when it comes to somethings that i believe in...take the case of me still thinking that no woman would be immune to a bunch of flowers. trust me (guys, listen carefully)any woman would swoon over a couple of roses, carnations, mums,tulips or whatever else specimen of flower out there. i dunnoh the specific reason why we do but the reality of it is that we do. Flowers does wonders for us...afterall, we are emotional (ok,i hope the feminist movement ain't reading my blog right now...coz if they are, i'm in a deep sh*t, uh-oh, hehehe)

last february 14 or as some might call it, the "Hapi Puso Day", my boyfriend gave me a bouquet of roses with some tulips and it really did make me smile and yeah, the rest of the office people also. talk about, feeling highschool-ish where every living, breathing female who crosses your path is throwing dagger stares at you. the reason either them having no flowers at all or them having less flowers than what you have...and mind you, i didn't come across anybody who got a bigger bouquet than mine. yup, i felt proud during that time and i basked in my glory, especially when more than half of the office population kept on complementing my flowers...

truth be told,this valentines has been really memorable. not coz i received flowers for the first time, i mean, i've been given flowers before but this time, it's different. IT'S THE FIRST TIME THAT THE FLOWERS CAME FROM MY BOYFRIEND and mind you, it feels really nice inside. i felt that love is true and that what i have right now with him is worth everything... and getting to know this new and warm feeling inside made me realize how important this relationship is to me, how important he is to me...
i guess, this might be too early to say but seriously, i see myself spending the rest of all my valentines day with my bf. i don't want to ever let go of this feeling...i don't want to ever let go of you sweetness

we missed this...somehow kakahinayang....sigh

2008-02-13T04:49:00.000-08:00

divine intervention

2008-02-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

have you ever thought of seeing something and you immediately realize that it's a sign? that God wanted you to head in another direction than what you have previously set your sights on...

well, that happened to me today, i'd love to tell you about it but i'm seriously spent...whew, talk about a whirlwind of emotions. i'll just blog on that story next time

for now, hapey berday to lil ol me and thanks to all the pips who have greeted me: nanay, mikster, charo & thon, leny, kirs, ate ellen, ate nelly& dennis, ms.jo, to my cute boyps and the rest of the people who tried to contact me but can not reach me because I have already changed my mobile no. for the Nth time.hehehe

thanks...thanks tlaga to you guys, despite the stress today, you've made my b-day worth it, i couldn't have made it through if you didn't back me up. mwah to you all!

to my boyfriend...

2008-02-01T03:57:00.000-08:00

well, i've been writing blog entry after blog entry here and yet I have failed to make one for this special person in my life whom i am so grateful for right now...

i never thought i'd meet someone like you in my lifetime, i never thought everything would go on just fine with you and me, i never thought you'd be perfect like the way you are, i never thought i'd meet my equal and i never thought i'd fall this hard

but with each passing moment, day and even months with you, i slowly realize that it's no use fighting to keep a bit of sanity with me, so as not to give myself wholly to you...to be safe and away from the pain that i use to think is a part of any relationship out there. it's no use, you've gotten my whole being entrusted in you, you've gotten me falling so deep into this blissful world of love that is enveloping my every waking moment knowing you're just there on my side, guarding me from the pain and harshness of this world...

i've been a fool thinking i won't be needing anybody in my life and that solitary isolation is the key in making it through my everyday existence. not letting anybody close to avoid getting hurt...but then things don't go exactly as planned, right?

i mean, seriously, who would've thought that i'd be meeting you all of a sudden and you'd have an impact on me and my whole outlook. you've changed me in ways nobody had and you've made me come out of my little shell of "security" to experience this whole new concept of uncertainty, you've made me live life more than i used to, you've made me get to know myself more and realize that there are some other things aside from career, family and myself that i should pay attention to

i used to think that my life was picture perfect, everything was planned from top to bottom and nothing else mattered but being with you gave me another side of learning...that life is not perfect, it's not even fair...but even if it is, you have to learn to live or deal with it

you might think that i don't notice all the care and love you shower me or how you try to shelter me from the all the negativity out there but I do...i see all the efforts that you've placed in this relationship and how you've been such a wonderful bf to me. the statement might seem baloney to you if we base it on the number of months we've been "labeled" but it's not the time nor duration that defines us. i guess, it's more of fate... i believe that fate brought me to you on that late saturday night when i was sleepy and bored out of my wits, all i wanted was to prove that you belong to the throngs of pervs going about and that i can teach you a lesson our two. who would've guessed that soon, it would be the other way around? in the 10-ish months that you've stood by me, i learned alot...

THANK YOU...

sorry

2008-01-30T20:03:00.001-08:00

well, as the title goes. sorry for all the shit that i'm putting you through lately...
i think i better learn to keep my mouth shut from now on

mortified confusion of some sort

2008-01-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

referring to a previous blog entry of mine wherein one of the companies that i applied for decided to place the position on hold and told me like after 2 months of waiting for the result...this is a continuation of that scenario.

so i was all set to wait and prepare for my orientation this friday, picking out clothes, preparing my organizer and mentally thinking of happy thoughts that will enable me to smoothly finish my "first day" and this happened...

i woke up at around 10:45 in the morning today, maybe this was brought about by my whole escapade at trinoma yesterday or something else but all i know is that i was extremely tired like a lump of log and i woke up after 11 hours of sleep. well, not to mention the fact that i woke up earlier at 5 in the morning because i was having a very deep asthma attack and i couldn't contain my coughing and runny nose ( i began to develop the problem this morning all of a sudden) so what I did was to wait for it to subside before going back to bed. this was, of course, after thirty minutes of waiting while sitting down ( most asthma pips would understand why i had this difficulty of getting back to sleep during my attack and can definitely empathize with me) on my bed. after quite some time, i was finally lulled back to slumberland and that's where the extra 6 hours of sleep came from.

back to my point; there i was feeling dazed and definitely yawning my whole mouth out when i looked at my mobile and saw 8 miscalls and 2 text messages. well, the first text was dispensable because it was just an advisory from Globe about some contest whatsoever (what's new, they usually have tons of ads that they send out every now and then to different mobile subscribers) but the other one was quite baffling. it was of course from the previous company that i applied to (remember the one which the HR officer informed me that the position was on hold?) the message stated that she wanted to talk, well, that is apparent from the 8 miscalls which was logged on my phone, right? this whole scene actually irked me because a brief flash back of what transpired earlier this january during my application process again popped into my mind. the whole drama of wanting this job so bad and almost pleading to them to ask for results and ending up with an open ended answer really brings my blood to a boil.but true to my word, i really wanted to join that company badly and even if i was pissed out of my existence during that moment, i still had the decency to write an email to the HR officer and say my thanks about the so-called "wonderful" application process they have delivered and even asked them to take note and place my CV in their active folder's file...

so much for my reminiscing, back to the present. since i am naturally a very amiable person and i really do not hold grudges no matter how disparaging the whole system or situation is, i still had the courtesy to return this HR officer's call to ask her on what the matter, this time, is.

i opened up the conversation with my usual bubbly self and my sweetest voice ever and tried to probe on what the matter was why she texted me out of nowhere. well, to say that i didn't expect a job offer right there on the spot would probably be absurd. i mean, why the hell would she bother to call me 8 times (til her fingers drop out...) if it was purely nothing and she just wanted to say hello? so, of course, she blurted the whole situation with common frankness and told me that they are considering me for the post and that the boss there is already expecting me. talk about major disappointment on my part...ok, hearing me say that is actually surreal. i guess i'm feeling disappointed because of the fact that this whole job offer shit is " a litle too late' already. i tried my best to continue expressing myself in my usual tone of voice while talking to this HR person but in truth, i was falling apart and was dumbfounded. i even do not know how to react because i was utterly speechless

well, thanks to my continued silence in the conversation, she realized that i was quite not into the whole thing. gathering my wits about me, i told her my situation of starting in another company and reminded her that i did inform her earlier about my plans of accepting another job offer if they would not hire me. she then asked on how the situation can be treated and i immediately told her that in all honesty, i am very much interested in their company but the fact remains that it is quite embarrassing for me to drop the other company like a hot potato...in as much as i want to join them, it is extremely difficult for me to back out on my word because the people there are quite nice and doing so would be unethical... my pleas of speechlessness fell on her deaf ears because despite everything i said, she continued her persuasion that's why i was prompted to tell her that maybe the salary and benefits package would determine whether i can join them or not. she then proceeded to ask me how much i was getting and all the other benefits in stored. i obliged by telling her what it was and then asked her if its possible to for them to somehow exceed or meet me halfway in that area. she answered me by saying that she will have to check with her boss...this placed a smile on my face. hehehehe

i'm sure most of the readers here would ask me why that whole statement placed a smile on my face. for one, having her rethink on offering me the job would actually be an advantage on my part, i would know on how much they can offer me in terms of compensation and at the same time, i would also know on how much they want to hire me. if she can match my current salary range or somehow (by force of luck) make an offer more than my current one, then this will prove that they have indeed decided to get me at any cost possible...

currently, i'm trying not to think about it anymore. i mean, seriously, i don't want to hassle myself over this fucked up sitch anymore. i'll just throw caution to the wind and let my fate lead me where i'm supposed to be... *sigh*

mango part 2... :D

2008-01-28T22:09:00.000-08:00

ayeeng

2008-01-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

ok,my blog entry does sound jibberish...even to my own ears. hmm, before somebody freaks out and think that i'm spreading some weird incantation of some sort or plainly in the habit of uttering mumbo-jumbos, let me put your minds to rest. this is not some new "linggo" nor is this some prayer for rain, this is actually a guy's nickname. YUP, it's some living, breathing, guy's nick.cool huh?errr, maybe in my opinion, at least...

i was out yesterday with my bf and we went to dencio's, metrowalk to have our full of Filipino dishes, well, more like MY full of kare-kare and garlic rice, so to speak. if you have been my friend since time immemorial, you would've probably given the side comment of me being a total "bochog" and i would've probably just retort back and say thank you to you're supposed insult. i mean, afterall, it is a known fact, i am a hearty eater nyaharhar.

the whole experience at dencio's proved to be the same as my last time...or better yet, proved to be far worse than the last time. ok, i went there coz i craved for kare-kare, nothing else. i mean, never mind that the mere mention of the word Dencio's is enough to send my bf's face into a grimace, never mind that upon going there, we had to wait for the next half an hour if we want to sit at the non-smoking section of the resto and never mind that deciding to sit outside would really irk my bf who is fully aware of how slow the service would be and that the host outside the door is a complete B***H, if you know what i mean.

well, as far as I'm concerned, the main driving point of us being at dencio's is plainly because of the food and that's about it...until, of course, my bf showed me the little printed name at the upper right of his paper napkin (as seen on the photo above) this really caught our attention and admittedly amused us for almost an hour. we had a lot of speculations on why there was a name on ONLY his napkin and there was none on mine...i even had the notion that one of the waitresses had this crush on him and decided to introduce herself by using this unconventional way of divulging her name...we were on laugh&asar trip for quite some time when this shiny, rectangular nameplate of one of the servers caught my eye...lo and behold...reading the name AYEENG on a MALE server really did plant a grin on my face and yes, numerous reasons to tease my bf for the rest of our evening. hehehehe :P

a wish to come back...

2008-01-24T22:39:00.000-08:00

mango

2008-01-24T04:01:00.000-08:00

whew, i didn't know that going around the mall was THIS tiring...as if! of course, it is.talk about negating myself huh? well, i gotta admit, my usual mall escapade and spur of the moment shopping escapade with my cousin is fast becoming a habit.

we were at rockwell earlier and we raided most of the stores there, shoes, clothes, accessory shops...you name it and we're at it.we were like two energetic children who's on the prowl for toys.hmm, i think i'm getting older because i didn't dig that much except for this one cute little green dress in Mango. I actually fell in love with it.

The dress was a mixture of green floral designs and a background of the color white. the top part was tube-like and it had a flowing skirt which is just below the knee level and has a cute little green belt tied above the waist. it was really pretty, i even tried it on and it looked nice on me (and yes, this is true, even if the readers here would not agree...this is my blog, right?hehehe)but the only problem is...there is a loose fit on the side of the dress which is somehow bulging and sort of bothering me when i was looking at my reflection in the mirror. in short, it's still a size bigger than mine. so, i tried to look for a size smaller than what i have but unfortunately, there is no more stock. this is major bummer...i'm not a dress person and there are just rare occasions on which i want to wear girly dresses and on the day that it fell, i had to choose something which can not fit me.

in the end, i had to part ways with the dress. no use insisting that it's a perfect fit when i have to grimace whenever i see the side bulges. so i had to say goodbye to my little green dress and pray to heaven that i can still see the same clothing in another mango outlet(with the right size of course) huhuhu :(

p.s.
to my bf: hey, i hope you'll be reading this entry...i missed you today.we didn't get to talk as much and i didn't get to hear your voice like i usually do in the morning. i have to say, it's really not the same if i don't get to talk to you. you're an essential part of my day, you know...

im famished

2008-01-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

these past few days, I have been totally famished, like, i could eat an entire buffet meal if i please...but of course, I CAN'T. this stomach ache has given me more headache than i can think of. when will this "hunger strike" end?i hate my tummy right now...

by the way, despite being this sick, i'm still happy...i get to be pampered by people. this includes my mother, friends and of course, my ever lovable boyfriend whom I so adore, specially when he's oh so-worried about me..."YOU" have been such a big help, don't mind me if I'm being bratty sometimes :P
love you!

ergo

2008-01-22T04:02:00.000-08:00

what if we were all dumb and we had so little options in life...do you think that will be a lot of fun?
to some this question might be stupid or might be irrelevant but this fraction of thought is currently haunting my inertia nowadays...o well, not much to discuss there

and so i shall leave this blog again with my fabled imagination and restless soul*sigh*

finally...

2008-01-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

and when the mist has subsided from the cloudy horizons that have painstakingly haunted my awareness is gone, all that is left is utter bewilderment

this week has been pure agony and torture for me, i could actually say that i've had a glimpse of hell in my sleep and uncertainty in my moments of waking up.for the very first time in my life, i've tasted "bittersweet' in its purest form and was given a slap from reality. i can't say it was quite fun but what i do know is that it has left me with a lesson that is imprinted on my being...a lesson learned and forever will be cherished

enough being said, the actuality that life is not fair does ring a bell but if i try to review it in the precedent i've encountered lately, i would have to negate this

life is definitely fair...i was given a glimpse of life's little piece of complication and yet the whole experience made me realize that i am such a lucky bastard.despite the problems and issues that was looming "above my head' previously,i have tons of people who love me and are willing to lend an open hand for my sense of security.i may not be lucky to be born with a sibling who can be there whenever i'm down and out but i'm very much blessed to have my dudes, dudettes, chong, pre, kumarez,friendships who'd be there to cover my back every time i need it. and so to you guys who have so lovingly given me advice, protected me, nagged me, made me kwento, made me sermon, worried over me (sometimes worry more than me), offered to help me in my times of trial and even offered me to stay at their place for the meantime (teehee), I THANK YOU... you guys have shown me what true friendship really is and i'm not just talking about those comic book descriptions but the REAL thing. thanks b1, mader cha,kumareng abbe, ms di, reins and dencio. seeing how you took care of me, showed me that i have so much to live for

and to the biggest friend that i have, i share this same sentiment. you might be my boyfriend, my lover, my ka-gimik or even my hot little "sexpot" (wink, wink, hehehe) but more than anything else, i treat you as one of my closest friends ever. you have shown me that there is another world out there where happiness truly resides and where imperfections are not a measure of one's being. you have shown me what L-O-V-E means in every bit of the word, sure, i might not have any comparison yet but i don't think i'll be needing it anymore. i can feel it in my heart that i have found what i have been searching for a long time...and at the back of my head, i can hear that it's you

for all the headaches i have recently caused, i would like to apologize. i am grateful for all the support, patience and understanding that you have showered me. i may not always show or say how much i care but deep down, i feel so much for you...i hope that in the times that we share, somehow i have gotten that message across. I LOVE YOU so much c.c.s.

life is all about choices, disappointments and heartaches

2008-01-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

i love u more than life itself, i love u more than i can muster, i love you beyond comprehension and i love you in so many ways possible that i am completely shattered with the thought of slowly losing you in this battle beyond my control...hearing your voice enveloped in pure defeat and giving way to a lost of hope is pure torture

i love u in retrospect...

when things fall apart

2008-01-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

when things literally do not go into the direction that you want it to, you start to blame alot of things or even alot of people for that matter when all you need to do is get a mirror and place it in front of you and say "this is your own doing...you coward"

i'm in a mess right now and from the looks of it, i am not even sure how to put things in their proper perspective, let alone pick up the pieces and try to put it back together. yup, you red it right, the once independent, headstrung, self righteous feminist is currently in a tangled web. not to mention, a large complex web, at that...i've tried to put it aside, to act like nothing is wrong and to somehow soothe my nerves but in all HONESTY, nothing seems to work. i have jangled nerve endings waiting to burst out, i'm feeling symptoms of i don't know what and at this exact moment, i feel like a part of me is suddenly dying, slowly retrieving into the God-forsaken world of numbness.i wish someone would just put me out of this misery and help me get through this like how it works in the wonderful world of fairies where you pop the magic wand and "poof" disappears all the heartaches and melodramas or maybe, some helpful speed-crazy driving lunatic would run me over so that i'd have literally no choice but to forget "all" this or prolly my entire life thereof. i've no ounce of strength left to fight whatever this is happening to me, all i can do is cry my eyes out and feel the pain of remorse for some wrong choices that i've made. no space for feeling sorry for myself there, afterall, i brought this upon myself, i've been the devil's advocate in this whole satyre, no sense in blaming anybody else but me...i could muster up all the curses that i can think of but it won't matter anymore, i'm still here feeling dejected and with a sickening feeling in the pit of my gut

solace

2008-01-15T03:44:00.000-08:00

I find SOLACE in hither, i wish I could find that in myself right now...
"YOU" have been more than i could ever ask for and I cherish all the love that you continue to show and bestow on me. If I'd have it any other way, i would protect you from all the harshness that the world can muster coz whenever we're together, nothing else really matters and everything fades into oblivion

i love you...have more patience...time is passing as it we would wield it to be..it's just "YOU" & me... forever

rain

2008-01-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

according to some, RAIN depicts blessings or some form of affirmation for something, In my opinion, it summarizes how I feel right at this very moment...

it's what you call temporary amnesia

2008-01-11T06:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes people get so caught up in what's currently happening in their daily existence that's why they tend to forget some more important things or more important people per se...

I've been writing this blog since the start of the year, I have been trying really hard not to miss an entry in this whole new area in my "writing life". This is the main reason why as much as I can, I log on here and place my everyday happenings and thoughts.

In this undying quest for complete blog entries, it totally slipped me that I should be writing something about this specific person in my life. I have been so preoccupied with my current rantings, job hunting and paper documentations that I have totally forgotten to cite the major turning point in the storybook called "My Life"

last year, I was just out here minding my business and was continuously doing what I do best: follow my whole life's routine, be myself, work to death and not care a fig on what transpires out of own little world. All I do is mind myself and just that. Flat, right?

It didn't occur to me that 2007 would be a turning point...a good one...I haven't imagined in my slightest dreams that I'd come across this one person who'd be changing my life forever and who would be penetrating this solitary shield I have placed upon myself. talk about a bunch of cliches. There I was thinking that I'm confined to forever singlehood and I'd end up growing old with dogs and will resort to calling them my babies when upon the most unexpected situation I came across "him". Well, I'd rather call it confusing instead of unexpected. I mean, who wouldn't? I was miserable after some guy literally dump me in an out of town adventure which was supposed to be geared for romance but ended in a complete nightmare and "he" was there utterly confused about his current relationship which was hitting the bottom low and tailspinning more downwards. During that time, all we needed was a good conversation and a comrad who'd lend an ear to each of our own melodrama. We ended up with more, I ended with "him" and he ended up with me

When other people are asked on how 2007 went by, they'd prolly say 2007 this, 2007 that, blah, blah, blah, blah. I, on the other hand can sum it up in one word: WONDERFUL... because this year has brought me this one person which is now considered to be a big piece of me. 2007 has given "him" to me, I am more than thankful, I am humbled...

just like a tattoo

2008-01-09T00:17:00.000-08:00

medical check-ups and the eekiness of life's imperfections

2008-01-08T03:41:00.000-08:00

today is one hell of a roller coaster ride. my morning was centered in Manila. I went to DFA to have my passport renewed and to my surprise, it took only a few moments of hours to have my "appearance" at their office. ok, maybe this should be attributed to the fact that I had it processed using this phone-renewal service instead of doing it the regular way. seriously, this type of fast processing can count as a blessing for us Filipinos. if it weren't invented, I'm sure I'd be one of those people who were outside DFA, in a very loooooooooooooooooong line and screaming at every guard in sight. it was really pitiful how these people were earlier, specially during the time that one of the "security officers"declared that the application process is over and only those in front of the line will be entertained because they have already reached their so-called "qouta" for passport applicants. I mean, if I was one of the people who got cut off from the chance to process my application, I would probably be appalled like most of them. During the time that I was going home, i even thought that a stampede is fast approaching, it made my exit quicker in the earnest to run for my life from the mad crowd in a row.

afternoon came and I thought I'd be given the chance to catch up on sleep but unfortunately, I still had tons of processing to do. well, in follow up to my previous entry "to do or not to do...that is the ULTIMATE question". I called my pending application again and to my dismay, the HR personnel gave it to me straight. it's not that I didn't make the cut rather the position that I was applying for was on hold because of some budget constraints and they were still looking for an appropriate position where I can fit. I had no choice but to affirm with her and say everything was ok when in fact, I was very much disappointed with this news. It took me awhile to digest the idea that this company is not for me. Sure, I can go on and on and list all the good qualities and superb factors as to why I want to join them and why they're considered to be top of the line, but hey, it doesn't matter now. In summary, I was dumped. There are no other ways of putting it. I can sugar coat it and pretend that this was all a bad joke but in reality, i was heart broken. I felt like i was duped into thinking that something positive was afoot and that all the interviewers' good praises are signs that they're welcoming me but in truth, it was all a farce. Some might think I'm sourgraping or bitter even. Who wouldn't? I processed this for like 2 months and wagered everything that I've got into believing that this is the big break that I needed and what do I get, a smack from reality that brought me tumbling back to the floor.

enough being said, I decided to pick myself up from this dark mood and went on to have my medical check-up for my second choice of a job. afterall, it's better to have a second than to have no choice at all. and so i traveled to Galleria to look for the medical laboratory where I was intended to have my pre-employment check. this experience is absolutely horendous. i have to tell you, I didn't enjoy one bit of it. from the moment of having my urine sample taken, to my physical check-up (more like a semi porn movie to be exact)to my x-ray and down to my blood test (and who thought blood donation is only voluntary huh?1 vial is too much for a blood sample, who's doing the blood extraction:dracula?), it was a cringe in my skin. it's a big question on why they invented these semi-clinic or medical laboratories watchamacalit in the first place. It's bad enough that they do not have a systematic approach in checking their clients but to actually FORCE your patients to urinate more than 60 ml just to satisfy your procedure of filling one whole container up to brim is totally propostorous. seriously, this is way too much even for my uncanny mind to handle.

and so I finished doing this check up at around 6pm already and by that time, I was too exhausted to complain to any of their staffs that nobody told me that I can already go home after my x-ray moment. all I did was to drag myself out of the clinic and to slowly walk home...feeling alone and quite proud of myself because I did not do any single ranting in this God forsaken "clinic"

tomorrow, I'm targeting to renew my driver's license. I'm uncertain on what lies ahead for me in the LTO but be assured that whatever it may be, I will be ready. nyak-nyak-nyak. teehee :D

to do or not to do...that is my ULTIMATE question...

2008-01-06T22:34:00.000-08:00

haaaay, it's a Monday again. My world has revolved around the four corners of my room and it's really clawing me in. I can actually hear the tick-tocking of the clock outside and it's driving me slowly around the bend. I have called every friend already and as it turns out, they're all quite busy. Too bad, I'm not, right? Hmm, I'm getting tired of lounging around here and eating all the stock of chocolates that my mother has kept inside the fridge. Man, if two big bars of Toblerone, 1 big box of Swiss Chocolate and another box of French Chocos do not turn your sugar rush level up, I don't know what will. Aside from being a total choco-monster, I have also developed the love for bacon & ham. Forgive me doctor for I have sinned....
It has been two days straight for the bacon and me. I have been eating it since the weekends and man, the oh so fattening oil dripping from it while it I slowly chew on the crispy yet sumptuous meal in my mouth is "heavenly". It's what I call addicting. No need for beer or drugs for me, just a thin slice of pork and you'd expect me to do your bidding. Ok, that sounded wrong, I mean, really wrong. hahaha (wink, wink)

So much for starting the year on a clean slate, I'd practically need 6 months of retreat before I finally achieve that. On the contrary, I think 3 months would suffice. It would be enough to somehow make me shoo out the "evilness" in my body (wohoooo...is that a dare?)

Ok, back to the original context: I told myself that I'd gather all the courage that I have and would actually call the company that I still have this pending application to and guess what, to my dismay, I can't seem to get a hold of their HR personnel. Hello, I began calling at around 11 in the morning and up to this instant (5:45 in the afternoon), there is still no sign of her. Is it my lucky day or what? All I wanted to do was to follow up on the status of my papers and pray to God that she has some feedback already. Afterall, it's been 2 months since my whole application proper. Of course, I didn't get the chance to talk to her and I'm still left with this dilemma in my brain...I wish I could just operate on myself and take out my cerebrum, at least that will leave me clueless.

wonder wall

2008-01-06T03:50:00.001-08:00

for the fans of this certain Oasis classic, this entry is not about that song. gotcha huh?hahaha

It's Sunday and my whole day basically revolved on this piece of wall right here on the left. Yup, I spent one whole day mixing paint into different shades of the color wheel. I can actually conclude from this little adventure that I've had that my future is sealed already. I am destined for greatness in the wonderful world of painters...and carpenters...so to speak :)

saturday night pitfall with a big splash on the side...at least...?

2008-01-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

well, as my title would suggest, I am extremely bored right now...and so the story goes on. My usual Saturday escapade of looking for someone to chit-chat with over a warm or should I say cold cup of coffee has suddenly turned into a late night moment of baby-sit the parents (after eating a plateful of rice with a mouthful of bacon and a chunk of cheese omelet) while watching Pinoy Big Brother: celebrity edition season 2. This is what I call lame, I mean, really L-A-M-E! I've been at home for this whole week and all I do is cook, eat, watch tv, listen to MP3s and my most favorite of all, carpentry work. I have reached the end of the week and again, what did I choose to do? I picked up a brush and started painting my kitchen walls Red, err, more like Blue, Green, White, etc that is.

with the help of my trustee assistant (my ninong, hehehe), we have finished painting the whole of my room upstairs. Since I have nothing else better to do earlier this afternoon, I've decided to go at it and be productive. Afterall, there are tons to be done on the house and nobody will delve into it unless I initiate something. At around 7 pm, it was quite exciting to see that my once flat colorless room wall has now turned into a very vivid colorful work of art (forgive this ongoing bias of singing praises for my work, TAKE NOTE: my OWN work.hah!) Although, I have to admit that I am somewhat disappointed with the choice of color that I have made. I was intent on making my room Apple Green because I have always been a lover of full, bright colors and for me this signifies my personality. But with the use of the acri color with the label of "Thalo Green", my room is now a rectangular Bubble Gum Green Aquarium. Well, at first, I wasn't happy at all with this turn of events but sitting down on a chair and staring at my wall for a couple of minutes has changed my perspective. I am slowly getting accustomed to the color. It's somewhat cute, bubbly and it shows a tinge of femininity. I can't wait to move in to my room and decorate it like there's no tomorrow. In fact, I am very eager to move in to my new home.

Yes, you red it right. I have a new home/house and I am damn proud of it. It's not much, it's not like one of those big blown up houses you see on tv and it doesn't compare to any of the mansion in dasma or forbes even. It's just a simple 2-storey house with a lot of hard work and perspiration making up it's structure. Ok, don't take it literal. What I meant is that I've put alot in it. It's my second baby, it's something close to my heart because I've sacrificed for it. Do you know how it feels to look at something that you have worked so hard for come to life? I do.. this house is it...I've never felt so fulfilled in my entire life. It's like learning what your purpose is and doing something about it. It's a mixture of joy and all the other elements there is. What can I say, I'm slowly reaching the goals that I have set for myself. What else is next?

fyi

2008-01-04T02:39:00.000-08:00

well, I've been musing about the lyrics of this particular song I've been excessively engrossed with since December. I really do not know why I started to like it and why it suddenly grew on me but eversince the time I heard it playing over the airwaves, I couldn't get it off my brain...and for some unknown reason, I desperately searched the net for it and downloaded it to my mobile. I also am currently "overplaying" it every time I log on to my baby lappie ( this doesn't sound right but for techie pips out there, I'm sure they'd get my geek talk BS. hahaha)

FYI
(AMBER DAVIS)
featuring Jay-R

CHORUS

FYI... i got a new man
FYI... I’m so out of love with you
FYI... I didn’t want to say it
But I already got a guy

For your information
I already got a guy
For your information
Yeah, already got a guy

Didn’t want me when you had me, I
always made u so unhappy, Why
are you standing here now
trying to get me back
I ain’t goin back no no
You always had your way, of
Getting me to stay, but
things are little different now
if you really want to know I’ll tell you how

Chorus

FYI... i got a new man
FYI... I’m so out of love with you
FYI... I didn’t want to say it
But I already got a guy

Don’t be lookin at me crazy, like
I’m still your lady, cause
you walked out on me
said your never comin back
don’t try to take it back now boy
You always had your way
Of getting me to stay, but
times have changed
and there never gonna be the same, no...

repeat chorus

What your man got to do with me
We went 6 years strong got history
FYI ain’t replacing me
So gotta take it back
Better take it back right now
Cause I know that you love me girl
I never meant to hurt you girl
I only wanna make it right
So hurry up already and leave that guy
FYI I’m a new man
FYI still inlove with you
FYI didn’t want to say it
FYI But you should leave that guy

REPEAT CHORUS

my morning & organic living :)

2008-01-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

Organic Living anyone?

…the basic 101 of living organic

Organic Living is more than just a concept. It’s a way of life. In broader definition, it’s merely eating food that's grown without the use of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides. Placing it on a lighter note, it actually connects to one’s well being and persona. The whole idea encourages people, especially today’s generation, to stop and think on how they can live their life the fullest and be productive in a sense. The basic principle ,thus, is living “healthy” amidst the stress-infested environment that we thrive in. Living in the Organic approach generally contributes to how the people of today manage their lives by being mindful of their health and eating habits in perspective. After all, you know what they say: “ you are what you eat”..

writings of a broken mind

2008-01-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

well, it's quite late already and I haven't slept a wink yet. I'm a bit excited and confused about this whole thing, I guess that's why I'm still up. Since I'm already here, I might as well share one of the two articles that I have done recently:

Organic Living anyone?

“living healthy and a balanced YOU”

Who says organic living is for the old? On the contrary, today’s generation should pay more attention to this new “phenomena” which is catching the Philippines by storm. Living organic is not merely picking out fresh fruits or vegetables which are not grown with synthetic fertilizers or pesticides. There’s more to it than that, Healthy eating is just an aspect but living “healthy” is another story. With the advent of the Call Centers, BPOs and IT Industries and the technology era at bay, one can infer that the Philippines is rapidly changing and this is a whole new “ballgame”. The concoction of stress, diseases and health disorders brought about by this set-up has paved the way for health conscious individuals to uplift the concept of Organic Living.

Organic Living in a sense pertains to the importance of what a person eats. Remember the proverbial saying “ you are, what you eat”? On one hand, it can also point to a person’s lifestyle or overall wellbeing. Living the organic way is not just eating a balanced diet and being a complete gym nut. The idea behind it is that people should take charge of their lives by taking charge of their health. Of course, your health is the foundation for an active and productive lifestyle. Organic Living pushes for this notion by encouraging people to carefully choose their food intake for good health and a sustainable lifespan. After all, life is too short to be brandied about as non-important.

torn between two...job offers?

2008-01-03T02:27:00.000-08:00

if you actually read the title of this entry, you'd probably think that I got two job offers and I'm torn between which one to choose...on the contrary, I've only got one and the other one is still left in limbo. Call it weird but I still find myself lingering on my "first choice" and I'm not budging an inch to free myself of this total bewilderment. If only Philippine companies have systems that are congruent to foreign ones, then I wouldn't be in this predicament. Oh yeah, sure, now, I'm even blaming corporate culture for this so called misery. A misery which I actually created on my own...

Some people who hear me continuously wailing in this blog at this exact instant about getting a job offer that I'm not sure about would probably ask me "Then why did you apply there in the first place?" or would just plain slap me senseless by being such a stickler for perfection. Some call this stupidity, I call it "security". I'm the type of person who has a plan, in everything I do, that is. Can you believe that I even plan the time on when I want to go to the mall or when to I have to go out with my friends. I usually have an iterenary on what I intend to do in the next week, heck, sometimes, the whole of next month. I just can't stand not knowing on what will happen next or what I'll be doing. In all that's happening around me, I always want to have the upper hand. I want to be sure, I do not want to be left in the dark and be clueless. That is where "contingency plans" fall into place.

Some thrive in spontaneity, others in dynamism. I, on the other hand, tend to be structured. Hey, rigidity isn't a crime. It's more like plain discipline being processed in the human form. You would probably infer that I do embody this in the choices that I have been making lately. Take the case of this entry's core subject...I am torn, yes, I am.

Maybe this is because of the fact that I did receive a job offer today and half of me is stillin pining for my other choice. I honestly do no know why I am being this way but all I know is that I can't stop myself from somehow, hoping against all hope that I get that other one too

tick-tock...

2008-01-02T02:46:00.000-08:00

the more time I spend at home, the more I grow insane and weary with everything that's transpiring in my life. I think I'm getting "rusty" and all I tend to do now is focus on carpentry...making cabinets, designing tiles and yeah, my regular Saturday habit of painting the house... and no, I am not a guy.

Maybe the latter half of my 2007 went into a tailspin and I'm still in the middle of the sphere but until when will I be in this predicament? I am just so impatient right now, I feel like I'm getting less of the "action" that I was used to getting way back when I was still productive and job infused. I feel like I should be doing more, so much more... My life is currently centered on being at home, manning the household, cooking, surfing the net, thinking on what will happen next, your typical run-of-the-mill definition of a bum. Yeah,I am your self proclaimed bum and I guess, I'm damn proud of it. Call it false pretenses but hey, at least, somehow in this existence that I am living, I get to do what I'm supposed to

Sometimes I want to lose all hope and be resigned to the fact that I'm in a slump but whenever I do so, somewhere along the road, a twist of fate leaps into my corner and I get all energized again, ready to face the world in a better mood. Yet while doing so, I still feel that tiny knot in the pit of my stomach slowly crunching on my insides...

what's in store for 2008?

2008-01-01T00:36:00.000-08:00

ok, i'm up and about, ready to face the world with a smile and a bucket of hopefulness...NOT!!!

whoever said life was fun and everybody should enjoy it must be six feet under by now and has alot of worms roaming all over his body. Man, thank god i'm already finished with breakfast, lunch, merienda1 and merienda2 before doing this entry. hahaha

no, no, no, I am not your resident cynic, I guess I'm feeling cold feet. Afterall, I am starting the year on the wrong foot or maybe the limp one, if you can call that a figure of speech. There are still remnants of things that have transpired in 2007 that I am trying to deal with and I am not sure whether I can still recuperate from them. Well, I am not being morbid or anything, It's reality kicking in. It's like a shot of espresso straight into my system. It's when I drink it "bottoms-up" and then it's too late to realize that caffeine is bad for my health or that it'll keep me awake long enough until everybody's up and at 'em.

I might sound like I'm talking in puzzles or that it's plain jibberish but I know what I'm saying. My life is currently down in the dumps and it makes me want to puke really hard that I am literally starting the year with a bang (sound that you make when you fall down, like ompf) and as much I want to do something about it, I can't. All that's left for me is to wait in earnest.

If only I was created patient, then there would be no problem...but I am not

2008, here I come...

2007-12-31T09:29:00.000-08:00

and so I say, here's to the old and cheers to the new... we welcomed 2008 with a bang! err, should I say, too much noise & firecrakers that is. I swear, this neighborhood is infested with noise barraging pips who have nothing else better to do than destroy their eardrums.hahaha

well, another year has passed, another 12 months of total insanity and pure craziness have passed by right before my very eyes. Hey, it's been 1 hell of a ride and I totally enjoyed it. There were the happy, sad, joyous, bitter, sweet, angry, crappy moments paired off with sheer "to infinity and beyond" attitude and walaaa, what do you have? 1 whole year of being myself and creating memories that I will forever cherish.

2007 can never be put out as my best year ever but heck, i think it's close to that. For some people, best means having good things flourish in their lives but for me, it's totally different. Best means a combination of the good and of course, the bad. You can never go wrong with those two paired off. It's a total equilibrium out there.

2007 is my equilibrium...

This year isn't any typical one. It's full of cliches and contradictions. I've lost...and yet I have gained... but these leaves me to my senses, which really is better?