sometimes we forget

there are times in our life that everything seems to be going just quite well so we tend to forget what life is really all about

i admit, i'm guilty of that crime, who wouldn't? i've got everything that i want right here where i want it:
1. i''ve got a great job with a good salary and fringes
2. i'm cool with my barkada relationship with my mother
3. despite all my friends being uber bc, i still get to talk and see them once in awhile
4. i've got a bf who loves me soo much and who's the epitome of all that i've ever dreamt of in a perfect-mate

who could ask for more, right?

but of course, life has it's way of pulling you back into reality and biting you in the ass when you least expect it.

this whole week, i've been sick and up to this minute i'm still not sure as to what this is.

it started last tuesday, when i drank a cup of hot coffee from a vendo machine. after 30 minutes, my stomache began to hurt and mind you, it was friggin painful. it didn't stop there, i was in utter pain the rest of the day until that night that i had to be rushed to the ER so that they can relieve me of what i was feeling...eversince, i have been drinking alot of medicine and i began my venture into guinea-pig land wherein the rest day for me is getting my blood examined and drinking 2 tablets of iron a day

i'm still in utter disbelief that this is happening to me. i mean seriously, i think i'm in denial stage right now. it's not because i don't want to get sick but maybe i'm afraid.

i'm afraid that this might be more than just a simple stomache ache. that they might find something wrong with me and if they do, what will happen next. i've never been afraid of piercing, blood extraction and the like. hell, i've even gotten 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at one time and i didn't even cry about it. but this is different

the doctor tells me that this might be some acute stomache whatchamacalit or perhaps appendicitis. sure, they sound simple enough to explain to me but lo and behold that when the doctor informs me that both of them would require operation, i held a very sturdy upfront but deep down, i was panicking. i've never had an operation in my entire life and i don't want to start now

ok, ok, i know that when you get operated, there is such a word as anesthesia but even if, i'm still freaking out about it. i've never had any part of my body ripped open and be observed by a group of medical practitioners while deciding what organ to connect to the other. i've never had something this major and probably, what i can assess as dangerous...

maybe some might say i'm overacting, specially those who've had a hand in a major operation already (heart, brain, whatever organ) but can't a girl be scared for once?

i feel more than pain in the pit of my stomache but more of a gut wrenching fuzziness spreading the warmth inside. i just dunnoh what to say anymore. honestly, i blogged right now to ease the tension and all the bad thought swimming in my brain but i'm not sure if it's helping me because after this whole entry's over,it's still the same

i'm frightened...