happy new year...

here's to the old and cheers to the new, 2009 na!

Happy New year everyone...

by this time, i'm sure each of us (me writing this blog and you reading it) are quite irritated with the loud booming sounds of our neighbors blatantly using firecrackers and our family members jumping up and about hoping to get a few more inches (not down there)

well, we can't really blame them, the calendar has turned a page and it's a new year. good-bye 2008 and welcome 2009, that's the drama lately...

hopefully, it won't be a real life drama for me this year. i'm looking forward to more blesings :)

peace out pips! (*me hopping into bed and hitting the sack, lights out....)

christmas

well, you could hear christmas tunes being played out almost anywhere, people exchanging christmas hams and everybody can relate to the fact that gaining at least 5 lbs. is in style this season...yep, you got it right, santa's just around the corner

Christmas is fast approaching, when I say fast, i mean it. The countdown's almost down, it's 3 sleeps to go and you can already open those gift underneath your christmas tree, or maybe try to kiss someone under the mistle toe (hello to those loveless pips out there and those belonging to the SMP group)

i know most of us are damn excited to know what gift we'll be receiving this 2008. some might be fantasizing about the PSP from god ol' GH, some might be thinking "your gift is good but I need cash" and others might not even be at home during the 24th coz they'll be doing a last minute shopping craze but heck whatever you're doing, whatever you're thinking, one thing's for sure: we'll all be celebrating the spirit of the birth of jesus

when i went downstairs earlier, something caught my eye...it's our christmas tree. it was just right now that i realize how much effort i've placed in putting it all together. i mean, seriously, i started around the first week of december. i went haywire buying all the decors and trying to think of how to make it appear or what exact color combo i'm gonna make of it.... we're at the 4th week of december and can you believe it? it's only now that i stop to look at it and admire what i've worked hard on...sheez...talk about missin out on the simple things in life :(

the great swimming "ulan" adventure

i went out with my boyfriend and bestfriend yesterday to go swimming in the midst of the rainy afternoon. we were scheduled to head off to the resort as early as 9 but things took a wrong turn when both of them had to do something else first and ended up meeting with me after lunch already.

damn, i was really furious and sad to say, my boyfriend had to suffer my wrath. i was off the lid and ended up literally nagging him in front of my mother. it was quite embarrassing... for him, at least...

my mother had to talk to me about my actions and had to lecture me about it before i finally realize that what i did was totally mean and BAD. of course, i had to say sorry to him at the end of the day.

well, the consolation for us all is everything did turn out fun and the place was cool. here's a sample photo:

who do u tell?

i'm crying not because i'm sad but coz i'm tired, utterly tired from everything... the bickering and arguing that we've done about your ex today has driven me exasperated. i tried not to be but what has transpired tonight has gotten me thinking way more than i should

you kept on saying that i do not give you trust because i have been constantly pointing out that texting with your ex (for whatever reason, even to say goodbye) and keeping your photos together in your wallet is quite irritating. yet, you keep on defending your actions and have told me that i should understand you. i did, i have and i still am...even if every inch of my body is shouting no.

i trust you more than you can imagine. isn't that what i have shown you in the past months of this relationship. have i not shown you more than enough understanding that any woman can give her boyfriend? i will not cite situations nor point fingers but all i know is that i've done all that i should have as one half of this relationship

u tell me upfront i do not listen to you...now,i'm reverting the question back: do you listen to me?

i'm not jealous nor i'm chasing shadows of your past, i don't even insinuate that you've been unfaithful to me. all i wanted from you was a little respect. maybe, you still don't get it, maybe you're still in this whirlpool of thoughts that this is nothing but something petty and nonsense. it's not...to me

i tried to brush it off, i tried to hide my feelings about the matter of your ex but i can't anymore. what you've shown me earlier broke me into pieces that you will never know. i've put down my pride and tried to talk but you refused me the privilege of doing so. maybe, it's the other way around. it's you who doesn't understand, you do not know what i'm going through

as i try to sleep, i will mentally rewind images of what tonight was about and as much i don't want to remember, i highly doubt i'll forget every bit of the melodrama that was played out

i won't forget most of the things you uttered today, maybe you were right...

who do u tell?

sublime

well, truth be told, like my previous entries, i'm supposed to be blogging how my sunday turned out to be kind of a blob. that i'm just here lounging around in my room, watching tv and with nothing better to do but lie in my bed.

i guess today, it's not the case. i spent most of the day in scrambles, so to speak. people here in the house somehow got on my nerves and i really just want to shut up and channel my energy into things that are worth it. i'm quite tired with all the shittiness and pretensions going about. i just simply want to stop caring anymore. like treat everything coming my way as nothingness and go about doing things like how i want to. hay, ewan, i'm too tired with the crap that i'm putting up with

i feel like numb and i don't want to do anything about it...

i'm lost for words so i better stop

falling short of expectations

i went to a meeting with my boss earlier and lo and behold, like any normal transpo experience in the Phili, we we're stuck in traffic

with a lack of something else to talk about, my boss caught me off guard by asking me why i never mingle with my department-mates during lunchtime. of course, i tried to walk away from that one by lying and saying that i usually eat out and whenever i do decide to "dine-in" at my station, i try to finish it and then go back to my work.but like, any normal intellectual boss, i bet she didn't believe that crap i invented and instead pursued the whole concept on lecturing me how "pakikisama" can make my workload easier at the office.

yeah, talk about that shit made me cringe

that's basically what's wrong with the whole office, take note the WHOLE damn office and not just my department.

have you ever been to a company which treats everybody like family or friends to the point of making each one of you puke because of kindness or probably ka-plastican?or have you been to a company where most of the people are just sitting down in their asses and waiting for the bell to ring signaling the end of work? well, what i just said sounds nice but in reality, IT SUCKS! for someone like me, my office is messed up. i'm not sure if the niceness you see around is utterly genuine or whether there's really an ROI because most of the people are the epitome of slacker-ism, if there is such a word. or that is they really do treat you like family or they're just trying to get close to you so they'd know your deep secrets and "chismis" about you til Christmas.

needless to say, in my work, pretension is your only ally

resignation and reunions

i have always been planning to blog since two weeks ago but i have been defeated with the common tiredness after working kind of decease. the title of my blog reflects what i've been going through within this whole period...

NO, i'm not resigning from work whatsoever. it's not me, it's actually my boss. she's migrating to Canada with her family and i guess, that'll be good for her. Although, i can't help but be sad about it. i've just been recently transferred to my department and i'm actually in the 'honeymoon' period and honestly, i've been doing so well working with her. alot of bad impressions have been passed around by the common office chismosos and chismosas about my boss and before moving to her department, i was afraid that it might be true but she has proven them wrong. she's really a kind, supportive and INTELLIGENT boss. when you get to work with her, you'd realize why she got hired and why she replaced the old marketing head of the group. i am in the process of warming up to her because in the short span of time that i've known her, i'd realize that i am really learning something and i'm beginning to appreciate the numerics of every project that we have to roll out. too bad she can't stay long but i'm happy for her, afterall, it is Canada who's waiting for her out there. who can top that?

about the reunion part, last weekend, i was able to get together with some old friends that i have. it's been ages since we've last seen each other and what do you expect with a bunch of gurls getting together for an overnight? why, overflowing stories, of course. i can't believe it's been years already since i last saw them. it was a weekend filed with catching up and reminiscing. it's just disappointing that two of my friends didn't get to join. i guess, they're far busier than we are. o well, at least i get to have some piece of mind and rest for awhile during those times that i was with them. i just wish we can do this again...probably out of town :)

another sunday

i'm in my room again, loungin about. as usual...

i realized earlier that it's almost the 4th week of September and next thing you know, it's already the start of October and then, it's Christmas once more. Man, i can't believe how time flies. i mean, seriously, it's like you just regularly get into your own thing each day, go to work, eat lunch, go home, close your eyes, sleep and what do you know, months are passing by and the year's ending. sometimes, it makes me wonder if i've done enough for this year, if my life has been fruitful or not so much and whether i've been productive or just plain bumming around. hmm, trying to reminisce about this year on how i've been actually answers that question.

seriously, i can't point out on what direction i'm headed here. it's like im merely going with the flow of what's there and trying to get through each day. i feel like there's not much excitement this 2008 for me. ok, except that i finally did get a bf this year, maybe that's one of the highlights that i have but for the rest of it, kinda ho-humm, to say the least.

i started my relationship this january and all's goin smoothly with me and my "boo", nothing to worry about there...as for work, what more can i ask?i do marketing, i have a good job post(anybody my age would definitely love what i'm doing), i get a nice paycheck every month and then there's my fam. hey, like what i said in a previous entry, they're not a bunch of lunies but just the way i like em. fun, fun, and more fun. oh, of course, they are understanding too

anybody reading this blog would probably get a bucket of water and pour it over my head for blabbing on things that are not problematic at all. the philippines is already in hot water as it is and most fillies' are wondering when their next meal would come and here i am ranting on how non-exciting (yet wonderful) my life is. guess, i'm basically getting drowned out with my everyday agenda and i'm not getting enough challenge. if i can only figure out what the next great adventure is for me...maybe, and that's a big maybe, that's when i'll stop this utter nonsense

poles apart

i was never a fan of drama nor i have been emotional in any of my entries here but this time, i've reached the brink...

tonight was supposed to be memorable, i really wanted you to be a part of what i was doing with my family. i thought everything was ok but in the end, it all just came tumbling in front of me. it was quite stupid of me to think that you'd be mingling with my family and all will just be fine as it should be or it will turn out as what's normal for a boyfriend or a girlfriend kinda thing. I guess I was wrong. well, for readers here, don't get the impression that my family's psycho infested or that everybody has gotten out of rehab. it's nothing like that. my family's the typical, all-Filipino brood who loves to eat, hang around with each other and has a past time of joking and laughing. maybe, that's the problem...if you look at them, they're too simple, they're quite fine with how life is for them. maybe that's the clincher, they don't meet up to some people's standards, maybe they don't meet up to YOUR standards.

Tonight's confrontation has left me tight lipped and really lost for words. it also made me realize that there is such a thing as the clock striking "midnight" and that all fairy tales don't necessarily go as planned. maybe you're a prince but i'm no princess. i'm cool with how my life has been for the past 25 yrs of my existence. i never asked for anything more, i never craved for lavishness or what not. my family's been there for the longest time and hasn't it crossed your mind that i would never be this way if it wasn't for them. i was molded by the affection that they have showered and they have supported me with all my decisions eversince. this is why it pains me that you get "annoyed" (as how you put it) because you can not sink it in how we're so different from each other.

maybe you're right, we are. it never bothered me. i never got worried about that fact until right now. i tried blocking it out of my system, tried thinking that it didn't really matter because no matter what, you'd still love me for me. but slowly, i'm beginning to have doubts whether you can take me in wholly. whether you're into this relationship because you do love me because it's what your heart beats or if you're just fascinated by the thought that i'm different from the rest. a simple fascination that would eventually fade out.

no, i'm not mad. i don't even have the strength to feel anger at all. i feel like my strength leaving me and it's not because i'm sick...it's like things fading into the background and nothing more.

i wish we could have talked before you left but you we're in a hurry. i just tried to understand you. i always do, even if sometimes, i'm not even sure if it's still right. i wanted to say thank you for "bearing" with my family but a lot of things were running through my head already. how can someone act cool, casual and all smiley with people that he doesn't even like?how can you act so normal when it wasn't. you should have just told me outright and then, i could have just saved you from the pains of being with my family. i guess they're a handful...that's just how they are.

none the less, i would still like to take this opportunity to say thank you for joining our family dinner. i know that it was such a hassle on your part and it has taken you so much effort in being there. next time, i would probably just leave you out of it. maybe that's the best thing to do...

china-town

i didn't literally mean chinatown in my title, it's more like i'm pertaining to the real china coz my bf's there right now. he just called me earlier, he's in hongkong already.man, i miss him, i miss it when he makes kulit to me but today, he's not there coz he suddenly had a business trip...

o well, hope he had fun...

although i'm not sure if i can stay up late to wait for him to come home.hay, the perils of having a boyfriend. kudos to those girls who devote themselves into their relationships :)

lousiness personified

well, tis another lousy monday spent at home...oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention, tis a long weekend coz the whole Philippines was celebrating a national holiday. yep, this is. afterall, the Philippines...where people enjoy having extra leisure time all for themselves, specially on occasions such as today.

nuf said, i spent my day loungin in my room again and talking to my "bestfriend"- my bed. if i'd known that i'll be here the whole day and be propped up and watch wwe, i should have just went to laguna with my family. they visited one of my cousins there and spent an afternoon of chikahan, daldalan and catching up. i, on the other hand, spent my time looking at the ceiling and thinking of nothing.

i waited for my bf, only to end up disappointed. i mean, seriously, i was all cheery when i woke up earlier. i had the notion that we'd be spending the rest of the day together, after his work but i guess, i was mistaken. well, add to the fact that it was already around 4pm when he dropped by, he had to tell me that our trip over the weekends would not push through, that probably made my day...as un-exciting as it became.

as much as i want to act normal and just brush it off like how i'm used to, at this point, i really can't...i can't seem to ignore the fact that i have this gnawing feeling of frustration in me. it's like having your 6th birthday party and not having cake just because... simply just because. it's been 4 hrs. since my conversation with him and it still feels like i'm stuck in between. i just hate the feeling of having to say that it's alright when i know it's not that fine yet and i hate the feeling of not negating certain issues because i know it's the right thing to do.and you know what i hate the most? it's me trying to dictate to myself that everything's going smoothly because i understand the situation that i am in...or the sitch that i chose to be in...

beats me..i'm really feeling grimy at this very instant... blech!

hackers anyone?

well, i went online just right now and to my amazement. there was a mail there asking me if I was a certain someone who's the sister of another certain someone (from the NBI pa ha). well, if it was anybody else, they would have set it off as a mis-sent email but since it's me who's been checking emails, i'd probably go ballistic on this...

so, i'm starting right this very instant.... WHAT D FUCK!

ok, ok, call me paranoid but i really do not appreciate it whenever some weird creep-o starts to send me emails or i dunnoh,probably try to add me at the ym. it all stems from the fact that i've had a bad experience on that shit already and man, i do not want to repeat it anymore, let alone,i do not have the patience to deal with freakheads who have nothing better to do but perv it out in the open.

heck, i'm not a moviestar, why would it matter to anyone on what i've been doing? my life is NOT an open book. it's plainly mine and mine alone. all i want is a sense of privacy and decency (if i may ask) and i don't get it why some people make a big deal out of me...

hello, it's not like juicy gossip when there are stuff pertaining to me. it's just me, nothing fabulous, nothing super...

what is this world coming to?

unedible plastic

i'm upset

this means, it's still ongoing...

i just hate it when some people can smile at you one time and then pass up stories when you're not looking. it's just so immature, and to think they're quite older than you are. I mean, WAYYYY OLDEERRR

the company where i work is quite ok. nothing really breath-taking, nothing special or not alot dream to be there...it's ok, fine...I guess.
For me, i'm there coz i love what i do. it's not really what i can call a "dream job" but hey, it gets me by. i get paid, i work on a nice schedule, i get benefits, fringe or what-not, my weekends are mine and i learn (somehow) from my boss.
well, the only thing that i really don't like is the fact that people inside do not have any other hobby except gossip-mongreling or tattle-telling when they could channel all their energies into something more productive. let alone my colleagues...oh, yeah, they're a different story.

they literally blow things outa proportion and make an issue out of all that's going on. their day is basically divided into complaining about how "loaded" they are with work and the rest, complaining about our boss among others. but when you actually observe them and devote your time in looking at the scope of what they're doing, it would make you wonder whether their "LOAD OF WORK" is imaginary or you, yourself are imagining... seeing them spending more of the day talking rather and facing each other for "kwento moments" than them facing their pc.

today is another chapter in my book. i have only proven that they are losers disguised as happy people who make friends with everybody. they do not really care whether i am ok or i'm doing well. they're out to get me...maybe i sound paranoid and all but no, i don't mean that they're out to get me like they're trying to catch me whatsoever. they're doing all that they can to make my life miserable

in all honesty, i would have appreciated it if they could just be blunt about it. like show it outright, that they don't like me and they have a problem with me being there but heck no, they would really smile and act like there's nothing wrong...but the awful truth of it is that they've been spreading stories about you and conjuring up issues....yup, issues that when you try to think of is very much high-school-ish.

it's like being in an episode of the OC or one tree hill...maybe the disgusting version, that is.

i mean, man, grow up. you guys are not in high school anymore, not even a froshie in college. we're all working, living our own lives and trying to make a living. i don't need anybody's affirmation, i don't need a "gang" to back me up or i don't need to be a "mean girl". all i want to do is be myself and work....work with etiquette.

the latter, i think is what's lacking in you all...you self-proclaimed " the best in the marketing department" two-faced pips...

qoute me on this "hindi kayo magaling, mga PLASTIC kayo"

bullshit!

last night

well, just to give you a glimpse of what my deleted entry was:

last night, my bf & i paid my bestfriend a visit. she cooked dinner for us kase and man, it was sumptuous.wala lang, i'm just supposed to write that finally these two important pips(in my life) met each other and everything turned out well....i mean, really, really FINE...

my bestfriend gave two thumbs up! :)

argh!

ok, just so everybody would know...i had a case of fumbles with my laptop and have clicked on something here and have OFFICIALLY DELETED my recent entry...

badtrip!

argh!!!

my nose

well, suffice to say, i'm quite pissed with my nose right now...it's been clogged since like forever and i absolutely hate the feeling of stuffy-ness and irritation but i am actually scared, it's been a week already and it's still the same,haven't changed a bit

maybe, i'm not giving myself enough rest.dang!

roots

hmm,i'm feeling a mix of sleepiness, drowsiness and my strength leaving me right now and yet i'm still up. loungin about, waiting for my bf, online and listening to hip-hop (of course, including RnB) like there's no tomorrow. afterall, i am a hip-hop fanatic what-not (wattap dawg?)but not to the point of underground... you know, lately, i've so engrossed with work that i don't have time to stop and eat a "wonderful" lunch anymore. all i do is stay in field and wait for my next meeting, not to mention brainstorm til my brains blow out. man, i didn't know that being transferred to my so to speak "dream job" would be very TIRING.ok, it might sound like i'm cranky about it but frankly, i'm not. i ain't complaining whatsoever, i guess i'm basically exhausted from all the brainstorming that i've been doing. if you only knew how "diminished" some companies are in terms of ideas... boy, have i got stories to tell you. it would make you wonder where the philippines is heading to... with the number of nobodies out there pretending to be the "it" person and yet all they know is to bask in their vanity. dang! probably i'd be earning alot now if i had a peso for every person i meet who's like that.whew...today has gotten me really pissed, weirded out and very much defeated. if i can only take like a week of vacation, i would have been in the sandy shores of boracay by now sipping iced tea or mango shake while watching the sun set...hay, kung pwede lang sana... (fu*k all my meetings!) :P

missin you guys

while i'm listening to this song by carol banawa (STAY) which I think some of you might think is oh so mushy, i am currently on the ym with my bestfriend who's in Dubai. well, for those pips who don't know, she's there for work and not leisure. enuf being said, i really am feeling a little bit sad right now. hell, I can blame the rain coz it brings out the depression in me or prolly my bf who's fast asleep at this instant with his very clogged (cute) lil nose but no, it's not of that sort...i just think that my life has been packaged in a different way now compared to what it was before. no, don't get me wrong, i don't regret finding the "love of my life" and spending every time ( i can find) with him and leaving the bliss of singlehood. it's just that maybe, i miss a part of me when i was still on my own, thinking that i don't need a relationship to complete my existence, those days when the only reason i was out is to meet up with my HS buddies or college friends or sometimes even mixed ones to just hang out at starbucks, Eastwood or just at B2's house and chat the night (or perhaps the early morning) away. I miss the moments wherein we hang at a particular bar at Eastwood either to party the night (up to morning) or prop up and sit at the cashier's area outside to people watch or eat early morning buffet meals and reminisce about past events...

it's been quite awhile since I've seen you guys (you know who you are) we've crossed different paths since 2004 but the times we've had is still kept up inside me. sometimes, i wish that i could just turn back time and go back to our "younger years" when everything was still the same and we were not reduced to "growing up"... i guess that's just wishful thinking on my part...

well, i'm lost for words

it's a sunday again and tomorrow's the start of the week...i guess, it's supposed to be all's well that ends well, right?maybe for some of us but for me, it's quite a mixed of everything. i am, afterall, at lost for words at this very instant... :(

photo weirdness

ok, this is weird...as mentioned in my previous entry...i was supposedly posting photos here when i suddenly realized that there's no insert button for photos? crap, i just didn't log here for quite some time and this is what happens? for those helpful souls out there:
HEEEEEELP!

swampin...like crazy...

whew, it's been awhile since i've dropped by here. well, i've been busy and yes, that's an understatement. actually, to sum it better i'd hafta say, I'VE BEEN SWAMPED and currently SWAMPIN' in work. I mean, if there is such a word that is...my life has been in complete turmoil lately. After the transfer, the never-ending turn-over of stuffs, the negative comments left and right, chismisan about me and my so-called pabida moments and the goodbyes done, finally...and officially, I'm in one place that i really want to be in and where i feel that i do belong to. okay, okay, what i'm saying might seem vague or quite puzzling to anybody reading this blog but hey, what the heck, i'm just voicing out my thoughts or then again, maybe i'm just sleepy.teehee...hmm, there's no sign of my bf yet. he's in the fort right now. he did make paalam and all but man, i still can't sleep unless i've learned that he's safe back in his lil'ol bed and catching some Zzzzzz. I really hate it when he drinks and has to drive on his own. I'm not saying that I can't trust him to drive or that he can't be fine all alone, maybe it's just that lil part of that worried gal-friend in me that can't stand the idea of him being not home yet at this hour...dang! I'm beginning to sound like my mother.hehehe. o well,nothing much to say anymore...I really am sleepy but have to keep myself awake to wait for my boyps.

In any case, since I'm not in the mood to blab here or i'm uncoordinated because of my "ka-sabaw-an", all that's left for me is to post photos of the things that i adore...at least, that might do justice to my entry here....hay...

photo weirdness...SOLVED

ok, as it turned out...all i needed to do lang pala was to reload the blog page i'm viewing to see the photo insert icon. since, i've done that..here goes the photos i promised in my previous entries... these are some of the things that make me smile :D

1. My room-usually where i'm cooped up


2. Flowers- ask any girl, i'm sure this brightens each and EVERY GIRL'S day...

3. A good deal of dessert- Damn! this is making me HUNGRY!

pabida

does the word "pabida" ring a bell to anybody?

well,if the new guy in my office is reading,dude, don't look farther, the word actually sums you up. ok, ok, forget my bashing. once again, i have forgotten that blogging should be an outlet for expressing yourself and not a mere grafitti of emotions whatsoever.

errr...as much as i don't want to, i can't help it. my new officemate is starting to get on my nerves. man, he's like the ulimate "epal" if you know what i mean.

talk about starting the week on the wrong-est (if there is such a word, which i know, is not grammatically correct) foot and ending it with a bang. the newest addition to our team had it going the moment he started being COCKY and acting like a know-it-all. hmm, forgive my sarcasm. some might not agree with what i'm saying about the guy because they get to talk, laugh do some high fives with the blundering idiot but come on, if you ask my opinion, he's really full of sh*t

take away the fact that i was asked to baby-sit him by my wonderfully confused boss and the whole notion of him not wanting to do telemarketing to look for his clients and instead decided to do admin stuff and the fact that he lounges about in the whole area and he spends his time talking to his qoute-unqoute barkada over the business lines for a good 20 minutes or so but his latest reason for not being able to visit a client because he is still waiting for his business card takes the best prize of it all. argh! this guy is really what i call incompetent

i do not want to bring him to one of my meetings anymore, even if he begs me to or even if my boss dictates it to me. sobrang panira siya ng diskarte, it's like i'm bringing a neurotic and asking him to stay put in the lobby. crap! where did my company even find this guy?

again, i shall repeat myself... DUDE, you are INDEED FULL OF SH*T!

zambales mangoes

by the time you're reading this post, these ultimately delicious and very SWEET zambales mangoes are gone and inside me, my nanay, my cousins', my nephews and nieces' stomach or somewhere else...it's up to you to think where. ehehehe

anyway, my boyps went to his outing and I asked him to bring me pasalubong and of course he did. it's just that i didn't think he'd take me seriously when i told him to bring me "1 kaing ng mangga sweetie ha? if not, wag ka ng bumalik ng manila". i mean, seriously, i was just KIDDING. regardless whether he'd bring me something or not, i'd still love him like crazy. it's actually touching to see how much he cares and whenever he shows it to me...

this makes me think of how time passed by and has brought me my wonderfully-lovable bf. it's funny how you sometimes think that you'd age alone, single but happy and that you'd never need a guy in your life and then the next thing you know, your out going for a cup of coffee with a complete stranger who'd end up as a person who'll play an important role in your life.

some twist of fate huh? i guess, life has a way of making you realize that everything's not always gonna go as planned, right sweetness? *wink*

unfinished entry

i was supposed to blog last night but it never did push through because I finished talking to my bf at almost 2 in the morning already...

it's a long story but to cut it short, needless to say, we had a huge fight. as in to the point of splitting up and parting our ways kinda fight ah. everything was really tough but i'm now happy coz we actually patched things up and he's in Zambales right now partying the night away and i'm here at home moping around COZ IM MISSING HIM LIKE CRAZY (crap, sweetie, if you do not bring me 1 kaing of mangga as pasalubong,lagot ka sakin!!!!grrrr...)

well, just in case, you're all wondering why the title of this blog is set as "unfinished entry", there's a very good explanation for it. i have composed something already and was about to end my piece yesterday when my boyps suddenly decided to call me and say sorry for being a jacka**, so as it turned out, i didn't get to post my REAL entry for last night. just for the heck of it and since i feel like i need to put justice to my writing prowress, i'm actually still posting it here...so, my beloved readers, co-bloggers or my one and only fan, my bestfriend, enjoy reading:

I TRIED...YOU FAILED ME...
all i wanted was for you to let me in but all i got was a tight lip answer of "wala" which drove me around the bend and beyond my patience...

i know you too well, for me not to know that something's up and you're bothered crazy yet you chose the path of keeping it to yourself, leaving me behind the wall of defenses that you've built

for crying out loud, i'm your girlfriend. I AM NOT THERE TO JUDGE YOU. On the contrary, I'm here to listen and understand each and every moment that you feel down and whenever you think that everybody has abandoned you

this night has turned into the usual scenario of phone receivers' clicking and the murmurs of "bye" hardly heard over the ruckus of dogs barking in the background and it has left me really exhausted. i've shown you how persistent I am in trying to help you sort out your thoughts and share them with me but time and again, you have denied me that privilege of showing you how much i care. you chose to shoulder things,ALONE...

you texted me how things aren't going your way and that the last thing you'd wanna hear is a tale on other people's success, how would have I known that me telling stories on what happened during my whole day would be nightmare for your ears? i am merely being my same old, bubbly, energetic self and what do i get? a flat breathe of air on the other line

as much as i want to help you, you better start helping yourself...

nobody's asking you to be perfect. i am not. this world is already filled with less than perfect humans trying to act like mr. or ms. know-it-all. we do not need another one. what we need is someone who's true and someone who can be himself...what i need is someone i know...someone whom i can be with

sabaw

i've been hella busy lately and have turned into this monstrous workaholic that i didn't even know i had the tendencies of becoming...

i've neglected my bf, not to mention my EYES, these past few days and this has erupted into a constant bickering between us. as much as i want to avoid scenarios like this, i had no choice but to be caught up in this "ugly sitch".i mean, seriously, i must admit...i've been so engrossed in my "running-around-the-whole-of-metro-manila" lately that i failed to see that i was being eaten up in this ugly fact of life called WORK. ok, ok, excuse my cynicism but hey,i'm sure most of you can relate to me when it's about this topic

hmm, haven't really got much to say. all i wanted to do was to somehow write about the latest updates on me. but true enough, like how i've been recently...i'm dead tired right now, my mind is turning into 1 big blob. i have tons to say and its brewing inside my head, if i can only organize my thoughts into something substantial....damn...

missin you

last night, I realized how much i missed you sweetness...you're like a piece of me which i can't seem to live without. Now that you're back, i'm finally complete

the promise

for a lack of anything else to watch, i ended up tuning into a local channel at 8pm earlier and of course, i watched what they were playing during the timeslot...

it was a local movie which starred richard gutierrez and angel locsin, i'm sure alot of people would know who they are and would know that the film was shown a few years back already. like what i said, i was pretty damn bored and had no other options. what better way to spend my Friday evening than to watch "The Promise"

the title, as most people would think, actually spoils the whole story. the usual plot of two childhood sweethearts who grew up together and fell for each other and made a promise to stay with one another no matter what. it's the usual against all odds or more like against all the bitches and assholes around you kinda thing. man, it's the same story over and over again, Filipino writers have this obsession of placing a love triangle element in every kilig movie they make. i'm not sure whether they are deliberately turning moviegoers off or they've been stuck in the sampaguita films loveteam-loveteam era. o well, beats me. like what they say; "kanya-kanyang trip lang yan, walang pakialaman" hahaha

hmm, the moral of this whole entry is to just sleep and not turn into a couch potato during a Good Friday. i've learned my lesson, next holy week, i'd prolly stack up on some reading materials and just prop on my bed to read instead of switching my tv on or better yet, i'll listen to senti songs til my ears bleed out. teehee

ok, ok. i hafta confess. as much as i was bashing the film. i couldn't help but somehow love some parts of it. these are basically the times that the stars were kissing each other. reminds me of my own little "moment" with by bf. man, where are you when i need you sweetness? *hint, hint*

visita iglesias

today, i spent the whole day with my family...going around different churches, in a Catholic tradition which they call visita iglesias





it was really hot and humid outside. but even if that was the climate set out, we saw a lot of people outside and fulfilling their catholic devotion. albeit, going to 14 churches in 1 whole day and praying in each is very exhausting, i'd have to say that this is one of the best days ever. I get to enjoy being with my family (nanay, tita, cuzins and pamangkins) and at the same time, practice my religion. it was all worth it.

i had fun seeing all those churches and the different types of altars that they have, not to mention the sculpture of saints or religious icons enclaved in them. you get to see the cultures set out in each place by looking at how their church is made. you also realize that despite the throngs of problems facing our country now, Filipinos are innately faithful to the higher being, they never lose hope and devotedly pray, for what, i really don't know

well, everything would have been much better if you were here sweetness, i tried not to think too much of you and be happy that you're enjoying your stay there in dubai but i guess, i can't help it. there were just some things that I encountered which immediately reminded me of you:
1. we passed by libis, I saw the warehouse & the lot there at the intersection, of course I'd remember you here...
2. my cuzins bought kutsinta which they decided to name after you, it's a long story, i'll tell you when you get back
3. i passed by a church which was selling puto bumbong at 5 in the afternoon, man, this was so rare but none the less, i remembered how you liked this and me liking bibingka instead
4. my nephews forced me to play a car racing game in PS2, i chose a car to use and what do you know, i had to choose a white mazda... talk about coincidence, right? Hell, no!of course, i had to choose this brand coz it reminded me badly of your car *sigh*


i guess, what i'm trying to say is that my holy week could've been much better, if you were here and we were doings religious things together....o well, there's always next year.hopefully, we get to do visita iglesias already, mwah!

cringin at the idea

don't you just hate it when your mobile phone dies down on you right at the very instant that you need it?

that's an overstatement in my case...i mean, afterall, it's just my BF leaving for dubai who wants to say buhbye to me on the other line...as if that matters, right?

Argh! of course, it does...i friggin hate this day!

talk about piss me of day today huh? well, you can say that again.I am oh so stressed out with work. i just friggin hate it when some people do not have foresight on things and do not plan out on what's ahead. all they seem to do is just make decisions outa thin air and cram to death. yup,our office pips are like that.they don't seem to know the word Long Term...all they do is think highly of themselves and act like smarty-pants when in truth, they're a bunch of lazy-asses who spend half of each day loitering around.man, if i could just turn losers into frogs, i'd prolly fill one pond right now.

i tried to end this day as quietly as possible but that's not gonna happen in this lifetime. I had to attract bad vibes the whole day...they keep coming at me like there's no tomorrow. whew, i barely had time to go to the bathroom

the only thing which kept me going was to look forward to talking to my bf. he went to Dubai today for a vacation with his family and as much as I want to just talk to him for this day, i couldn't. well, this is for the plain reason that I have work and i couldn't just hog the office phone to myself. I didn't have the luxury of doing so.

He went to the airport at around 4pm and we had this agreement that he'll be calling me at the time he was boarding the plane already, i did try to wait for his call but I got darn hungry that's why i decided to ask Sheryl to go to mcdo at galeria to eat. that was around 5:30. I was about to go home and i decided to call our house to tell them where i'll be going, so they won't get worried or something and also to tell them that i'd just call them if they'll be fetching me from my bldg. And so, i did call but apparently,nobody was answering so i then proceeded to text my mother but since this was my "lucky" day, just as my ,message was sending...my phone blinked and died

yes, i loved how that melodrama of my phone dying happened...and how i went around asking if anybody had a motorola charger but as expected, 3/4 of the population had a nokia. great? right?

i was extremely exhausted and tired and i had no ounce of strength left to salvage my phone from it's condition so i then decided to just proceed to mcdo and eat. I tried to borrow She's phone to text my mother or even my bf but she had no credits anymore, so all my efforts to actually contact any of them failed...

at this points, i really had to give up. i had an uber-ly long day and all i wanted was to eat fries to comfort myself and someone to talk to because i was feeling really, really frustrated

she was a willing companion, she was nice and actually witty, compared to other office pips (bashing ey?hahaha)and mind you, if i'm utterly disappointed and had alot to rant about regarding this day, she had more....so much more in the past 6 months she's been a part of our company. wow, talk about bonding time for us--> a discussion on the downside of office life with OLD and SENILE people

i got home around 8-ish already and of course, as expected, tons of questions (from my mother, who else) flew towards me as i opened our door. thank god, i had a good excuse on why i was roaming around the mall on a Holy Wednesday and she accepted it immediately. i really had no time to argue on anything, let alone explain my actions whatsoever

my mother then told me that my bf called our house before he boarded the plane and he sounded damn worried that i wasn't home yet and that the last message he got from me was a text saying i was low on battery...

i'm sorry sweetness, i'm sorry for not being there when you called, i'm sorry for not being able to talk to you before you left for dubai, i'm sorry for being selfish today...i was just friggin damn tired with everything,prolly with everyone...i wanted time on my own

it's gonna be quite awhile since i'll next talk to you and i wanna bash my head on the wall for not being able to talk to you before you left coz now that i'm cooped up in my room, listening to either hip-hop/r&b, senti and even to souljaboy crank that,all i can think of is you

well, ok, i thought it's gonna be fine, i won't miss you coz it's just a couple of days...hell,im revoking my statement... I'm missin you so bad right now

it's almost 1 in the morning here in the Philippines and i'm still up, i guess i'm waiting for our phone to ring and the screen to show your number and to hear your very familiar voice when you say "hello"

it ain't hap'nin tonight...i think ima cry...f*ck!

and so i correct myself, yesterday tops all days...

yesterday was the most important day for my boyps,well, it's the day that he was brought into the world...and mind you, i wish i could transport back in time and see how that went out exactly.hmm, makes me wonder if he was one of em cry babies (i mean, literally) hehehe

hmm, i haven't been blogging here in awhile.i have been busy lately, juggling work and more work in my daily existence. it seems like i've been working my butt off for the past weeks and man, it is really exhausting. my bf should know that of all people, i've slept on him more than twice and gawd, it was very embarassing to learn that you've slept on your special someone and that as hard as he tried, he couldn't wake you up even if he got mad like crazy already. hey, don't point the blame on me, it's the office people...they're at fault. hahaha. and here i go again passing the blame. o well, i guess "nagpapalusot ako" coz i want to escape the wrath of my boyps who's been tired this past weeks saying "oi, gising na" in his more than average voice volume.

if i can only order my eyes to not close and wake up for most of the time I talk to him, i would. but of course, that's not possible. it's my body clock, you see?It's really hard when you grow older each year, things don't work out like how you were used to.ok, ok, I admit...I am getting old. it's not like everybody else doesn't, right?it's fun when you age but sometimes when you actually think about how your life has been in the past years that you've been alive, it makes you wonder whether you're living a fruitful one or not.

most of us might want to change some moments that have transpired in their life but me, in all honesty, i don't. whatever experiences i've encountered, i never regret.they made me into who i am, they made me the tough cookie that i have become...

last night when I was about to go to bed (again...haha), i thought to myself that i would never forget all the happy moments i had with my boyps on the most special day of his entire life:his birthday...

again, i just want to greet you Happy Birthday sweetness, you've made a difference in this girl's not so extraordinary life.mwah!

read this and envy me...

at Salvatore Ferragamo, Shangri-la Edsa, Feb 14, 2008, 8pm



still at Salvatore...nothing else to do...teehee


ok,ok, I know...the pictures are too much but i can't help it. am i not the luckiest girl ever? to have an ever loving boyfriend who doesn't seem to mind and who's bent on making me happy til like forever...if i could only translate this wonderful feeling in EXACT words, i would have but of course, i can't. the only thing i know right now is how happy i am and how loved i feel. well, some might call me pathetic coz a bouquet of roses doesn't really cut it, hmm, not really, i still am old school when it comes to somethings that i believe in...take the case of me still thinking that no woman would be immune to a bunch of flowers. trust me (guys, listen carefully)any woman would swoon over a couple of roses, carnations, mums,tulips or whatever else specimen of flower out there. i dunnoh the specific reason why we do but the reality of it is that we do. Flowers does wonders for us...afterall, we are emotional (ok,i hope the feminist movement ain't reading my blog right now...coz if they are, i'm in a deep sh*t, uh-oh, hehehe)

last february 14 or as some might call it, the "Hapi Puso Day", my boyfriend gave me a bouquet of roses with some tulips and it really did make me smile and yeah, the rest of the office people also. talk about, feeling highschool-ish where every living, breathing female who crosses your path is throwing dagger stares at you. the reason either them having no flowers at all or them having less flowers than what you have...and mind you, i didn't come across anybody who got a bigger bouquet than mine. yup, i felt proud during that time and i basked in my glory, especially when more than half of the office population kept on complementing my flowers...

truth be told,this valentines has been really memorable. not coz i received flowers for the first time, i mean, i've been given flowers before but this time, it's different. IT'S THE FIRST TIME THAT THE FLOWERS CAME FROM MY BOYFRIEND and mind you, it feels really nice inside. i felt that love is true and that what i have right now with him is worth everything... and getting to know this new and warm feeling inside made me realize how important this relationship is to me, how important he is to me...
i guess, this might be too early to say but seriously, i see myself spending the rest of all my valentines day with my bf. i don't want to ever let go of this feeling...i don't want to ever let go of you sweetness

we missed this...somehow kakahinayang....sigh

divine intervention

have you ever thought of seeing something and you immediately realize that it's a sign? that God wanted you to head in another direction than what you have previously set your sights on...

well, that happened to me today, i'd love to tell you about it but i'm seriously spent...whew, talk about a whirlwind of emotions. i'll just blog on that story next time

for now, hapey berday to lil ol me and thanks to all the pips who have greeted me: nanay, mikster, charo & thon, leny, kirs, ate ellen, ate nelly& dennis, ms.jo, to my cute boyps and the rest of the people who tried to contact me but can not reach me because I have already changed my mobile no. for the Nth time.hehehe

thanks...thanks tlaga to you guys, despite the stress today, you've made my b-day worth it, i couldn't have made it through if you didn't back me up. mwah to you all!

to my boyfriend...

well, i've been writing blog entry after blog entry here and yet I have failed to make one for this special person in my life whom i am so grateful for right now...

i never thought i'd meet someone like you in my lifetime, i never thought everything would go on just fine with you and me, i never thought you'd be perfect like the way you are, i never thought i'd meet my equal and i never thought i'd fall this hard

but with each passing moment, day and even months with you, i slowly realize that it's no use fighting to keep a bit of sanity with me, so as not to give myself wholly to you...to be safe and away from the pain that i use to think is a part of any relationship out there. it's no use, you've gotten my whole being entrusted in you, you've gotten me falling so deep into this blissful world of love that is enveloping my every waking moment knowing you're just there on my side, guarding me from the pain and harshness of this world...

i've been a fool thinking i won't be needing anybody in my life and that solitary isolation is the key in making it through my everyday existence. not letting anybody close to avoid getting hurt...but then things don't go exactly as planned, right?

i mean, seriously, who would've thought that i'd be meeting you all of a sudden and you'd have an impact on me and my whole outlook. you've changed me in ways nobody had and you've made me come out of my little shell of "security" to experience this whole new concept of uncertainty, you've made me live life more than i used to, you've made me get to know myself more and realize that there are some other things aside from career, family and myself that i should pay attention to

i used to think that my life was picture perfect, everything was planned from top to bottom and nothing else mattered but being with you gave me another side of learning...that life is not perfect, it's not even fair...but even if it is, you have to learn to live or deal with it

you might think that i don't notice all the care and love you shower me or how you try to shelter me from the all the negativity out there but I do...i see all the efforts that you've placed in this relationship and how you've been such a wonderful bf to me. the statement might seem baloney to you if we base it on the number of months we've been "labeled" but it's not the time nor duration that defines us. i guess, it's more of fate... i believe that fate brought me to you on that late saturday night when i was sleepy and bored out of my wits, all i wanted was to prove that you belong to the throngs of pervs going about and that i can teach you a lesson our two. who would've guessed that soon, it would be the other way around? in the 10-ish months that you've stood by me, i learned alot...

THANK YOU...

sorry

well, as the title goes. sorry for all the shit that i'm putting you through lately...
i think i better learn to keep my mouth shut from now on

mortified confusion of some sort

referring to a previous blog entry of mine wherein one of the companies that i applied for decided to place the position on hold and told me like after 2 months of waiting for the result...this is a continuation of that scenario.

so i was all set to wait and prepare for my orientation this friday, picking out clothes, preparing my organizer and mentally thinking of happy thoughts that will enable me to smoothly finish my "first day" and this happened...

i woke up at around 10:45 in the morning today, maybe this was brought about by my whole escapade at trinoma yesterday or something else but all i know is that i was extremely tired like a lump of log and i woke up after 11 hours of sleep. well, not to mention the fact that i woke up earlier at 5 in the morning because i was having a very deep asthma attack and i couldn't contain my coughing and runny nose ( i began to develop the problem this morning all of a sudden) so what I did was to wait for it to subside before going back to bed. this was, of course, after thirty minutes of waiting while sitting down ( most asthma pips would understand why i had this difficulty of getting back to sleep during my attack and can definitely empathize with me) on my bed. after quite some time, i was finally lulled back to slumberland and that's where the extra 6 hours of sleep came from.

back to my point; there i was feeling dazed and definitely yawning my whole mouth out when i looked at my mobile and saw 8 miscalls and 2 text messages. well, the first text was dispensable because it was just an advisory from Globe about some contest whatsoever (what's new, they usually have tons of ads that they send out every now and then to different mobile subscribers) but the other one was quite baffling. it was of course from the previous company that i applied to (remember the one which the HR officer informed me that the position was on hold?) the message stated that she wanted to talk, well, that is apparent from the 8 miscalls which was logged on my phone, right? this whole scene actually irked me because a brief flash back of what transpired earlier this january during my application process again popped into my mind. the whole drama of wanting this job so bad and almost pleading to them to ask for results and ending up with an open ended answer really brings my blood to a boil.but true to my word, i really wanted to join that company badly and even if i was pissed out of my existence during that moment, i still had the decency to write an email to the HR officer and say my thanks about the so-called "wonderful" application process they have delivered and even asked them to take note and place my CV in their active folder's file...

so much for my reminiscing, back to the present. since i am naturally a very amiable person and i really do not hold grudges no matter how disparaging the whole system or situation is, i still had the courtesy to return this HR officer's call to ask her on what the matter, this time, is.

i opened up the conversation with my usual bubbly self and my sweetest voice ever and tried to probe on what the matter was why she texted me out of nowhere. well, to say that i didn't expect a job offer right there on the spot would probably be absurd. i mean, why the hell would she bother to call me 8 times (til her fingers drop out...) if it was purely nothing and she just wanted to say hello? so, of course, she blurted the whole situation with common frankness and told me that they are considering me for the post and that the boss there is already expecting me. talk about major disappointment on my part...ok, hearing me say that is actually surreal. i guess i'm feeling disappointed because of the fact that this whole job offer shit is " a litle too late' already. i tried my best to continue expressing myself in my usual tone of voice while talking to this HR person but in truth, i was falling apart and was dumbfounded. i even do not know how to react because i was utterly speechless

well, thanks to my continued silence in the conversation, she realized that i was quite not into the whole thing. gathering my wits about me, i told her my situation of starting in another company and reminded her that i did inform her earlier about my plans of accepting another job offer if they would not hire me. she then asked on how the situation can be treated and i immediately told her that in all honesty, i am very much interested in their company but the fact remains that it is quite embarrassing for me to drop the other company like a hot potato...in as much as i want to join them, it is extremely difficult for me to back out on my word because the people there are quite nice and doing so would be unethical... my pleas of speechlessness fell on her deaf ears because despite everything i said, she continued her persuasion that's why i was prompted to tell her that maybe the salary and benefits package would determine whether i can join them or not. she then proceeded to ask me how much i was getting and all the other benefits in stored. i obliged by telling her what it was and then asked her if its possible to for them to somehow exceed or meet me halfway in that area. she answered me by saying that she will have to check with her boss...this placed a smile on my face. hehehehe

i'm sure most of the readers here would ask me why that whole statement placed a smile on my face. for one, having her rethink on offering me the job would actually be an advantage on my part, i would know on how much they can offer me in terms of compensation and at the same time, i would also know on how much they want to hire me. if she can match my current salary range or somehow (by force of luck) make an offer more than my current one, then this will prove that they have indeed decided to get me at any cost possible...

currently, i'm trying not to think about it anymore. i mean, seriously, i don't want to hassle myself over this fucked up sitch anymore. i'll just throw caution to the wind and let my fate lead me where i'm supposed to be... *sigh*

mango part 2... :D

ayeeng

ok,my blog entry does sound jibberish...even to my own ears. hmm, before somebody freaks out and think that i'm spreading some weird incantation of some sort or plainly in the habit of uttering mumbo-jumbos, let me put your minds to rest. this is not some new "linggo" nor is this some prayer for rain, this is actually a guy's nickname. YUP, it's some living, breathing, guy's nick.cool huh?errr, maybe in my opinion, at least...

i was out yesterday with my bf and we went to dencio's, metrowalk to have our full of Filipino dishes, well, more like MY full of kare-kare and garlic rice, so to speak. if you have been my friend since time immemorial, you would've probably given the side comment of me being a total "bochog" and i would've probably just retort back and say thank you to you're supposed insult. i mean, afterall, it is a known fact, i am a hearty eater nyaharhar.

the whole experience at dencio's proved to be the same as my last time...or better yet, proved to be far worse than the last time. ok, i went there coz i craved for kare-kare, nothing else. i mean, never mind that the mere mention of the word Dencio's is enough to send my bf's face into a grimace, never mind that upon going there, we had to wait for the next half an hour if we want to sit at the non-smoking section of the resto and never mind that deciding to sit outside would really irk my bf who is fully aware of how slow the service would be and that the host outside the door is a complete B***H, if you know what i mean.

well, as far as I'm concerned, the main driving point of us being at dencio's is plainly because of the food and that's about it...until, of course, my bf showed me the little printed name at the upper right of his paper napkin (as seen on the photo above) this really caught our attention and admittedly amused us for almost an hour. we had a lot of speculations on why there was a name on ONLY his napkin and there was none on mine...i even had the notion that one of the waitresses had this crush on him and decided to introduce herself by using this unconventional way of divulging her name...we were on laugh&asar trip for quite some time when this shiny, rectangular nameplate of one of the servers caught my eye...lo and behold...reading the name AYEENG on a MALE server really did plant a grin on my face and yes, numerous reasons to tease my bf for the rest of our evening. hehehehe :P

a wish to come back...

mango

whew, i didn't know that going around the mall was THIS tiring...as if! of course, it is.talk about negating myself huh? well, i gotta admit, my usual mall escapade and spur of the moment shopping escapade with my cousin is fast becoming a habit.

we were at rockwell earlier and we raided most of the stores there, shoes, clothes, accessory shops...you name it and we're at it.we were like two energetic children who's on the prowl for toys.hmm, i think i'm getting older because i didn't dig that much except for this one cute little green dress in Mango. I actually fell in love with it.

The dress was a mixture of green floral designs and a background of the color white. the top part was tube-like and it had a flowing skirt which is just below the knee level and has a cute little green belt tied above the waist. it was really pretty, i even tried it on and it looked nice on me (and yes, this is true, even if the readers here would not agree...this is my blog, right?hehehe)but the only problem is...there is a loose fit on the side of the dress which is somehow bulging and sort of bothering me when i was looking at my reflection in the mirror. in short, it's still a size bigger than mine. so, i tried to look for a size smaller than what i have but unfortunately, there is no more stock. this is major bummer...i'm not a dress person and there are just rare occasions on which i want to wear girly dresses and on the day that it fell, i had to choose something which can not fit me.

in the end, i had to part ways with the dress. no use insisting that it's a perfect fit when i have to grimace whenever i see the side bulges. so i had to say goodbye to my little green dress and pray to heaven that i can still see the same clothing in another mango outlet(with the right size of course) huhuhu :(

p.s.
to my bf: hey, i hope you'll be reading this entry...i missed you today.we didn't get to talk as much and i didn't get to hear your voice like i usually do in the morning. i have to say, it's really not the same if i don't get to talk to you. you're an essential part of my day, you know...

im famished

these past few days, I have been totally famished, like, i could eat an entire buffet meal if i please...but of course, I CAN'T. this stomach ache has given me more headache than i can think of. when will this "hunger strike" end?i hate my tummy right now...

by the way, despite being this sick, i'm still happy...i get to be pampered by people. this includes my mother, friends and of course, my ever lovable boyfriend whom I so adore, specially when he's oh so-worried about me..."YOU" have been such a big help, don't mind me if I'm being bratty sometimes :P
love you!

ergo

what if we were all dumb and we had so little options in life...do you think that will be a lot of fun?
to some this question might be stupid or might be irrelevant but this fraction of thought is currently haunting my inertia nowadays...o well, not much to discuss there

and so i shall leave this blog again with my fabled imagination and restless soul*sigh*

finally...

and when the mist has subsided from the cloudy horizons that have painstakingly haunted my awareness is gone, all that is left is utter bewilderment

this week has been pure agony and torture for me, i could actually say that i've had a glimpse of hell in my sleep and uncertainty in my moments of waking up.for the very first time in my life, i've tasted "bittersweet' in its purest form and was given a slap from reality. i can't say it was quite fun but what i do know is that it has left me with a lesson that is imprinted on my being...a lesson learned and forever will be cherished

enough being said, the actuality that life is not fair does ring a bell but if i try to review it in the precedent i've encountered lately, i would have to negate this

life is definitely fair...i was given a glimpse of life's little piece of complication and yet the whole experience made me realize that i am such a lucky bastard.despite the problems and issues that was looming "above my head' previously,i have tons of people who love me and are willing to lend an open hand for my sense of security.i may not be lucky to be born with a sibling who can be there whenever i'm down and out but i'm very much blessed to have my dudes, dudettes, chong, pre, kumarez,friendships who'd be there to cover my back every time i need it. and so to you guys who have so lovingly given me advice, protected me, nagged me, made me kwento, made me sermon, worried over me (sometimes worry more than me), offered to help me in my times of trial and even offered me to stay at their place for the meantime (teehee), I THANK YOU... you guys have shown me what true friendship really is and i'm not just talking about those comic book descriptions but the REAL thing. thanks b1, mader cha,kumareng abbe, ms di, reins and dencio. seeing how you took care of me, showed me that i have so much to live for

and to the biggest friend that i have, i share this same sentiment. you might be my boyfriend, my lover, my ka-gimik or even my hot little "sexpot" (wink, wink, hehehe) but more than anything else, i treat you as one of my closest friends ever. you have shown me that there is another world out there where happiness truly resides and where imperfections are not a measure of one's being. you have shown me what L-O-V-E means in every bit of the word, sure, i might not have any comparison yet but i don't think i'll be needing it anymore. i can feel it in my heart that i have found what i have been searching for a long time...and at the back of my head, i can hear that it's you

for all the headaches i have recently caused, i would like to apologize. i am grateful for all the support, patience and understanding that you have showered me. i may not always show or say how much i care but deep down, i feel so much for you...i hope that in the times that we share, somehow i have gotten that message across. I LOVE YOU so much c.c.s.

life is all about choices, disappointments and heartaches

i love u more than life itself, i love u more than i can muster, i love you beyond comprehension and i love you in so many ways possible that i am completely shattered with the thought of slowly losing you in this battle beyond my control...hearing your voice enveloped in pure defeat and giving way to a lost of hope is pure torture

i love u in retrospect...

when things fall apart

when things literally do not go into the direction that you want it to, you start to blame alot of things or even alot of people for that matter when all you need to do is get a mirror and place it in front of you and say "this is your own doing...you coward"

i'm in a mess right now and from the looks of it, i am not even sure how to put things in their proper perspective, let alone pick up the pieces and try to put it back together. yup, you red it right, the once independent, headstrung, self righteous feminist is currently in a tangled web. not to mention, a large complex web, at that...i've tried to put it aside, to act like nothing is wrong and to somehow soothe my nerves but in all HONESTY, nothing seems to work. i have jangled nerve endings waiting to burst out, i'm feeling symptoms of i don't know what and at this exact moment, i feel like a part of me is suddenly dying, slowly retrieving into the God-forsaken world of numbness.i wish someone would just put me out of this misery and help me get through this like how it works in the wonderful world of fairies where you pop the magic wand and "poof" disappears all the heartaches and melodramas or maybe, some helpful speed-crazy driving lunatic would run me over so that i'd have literally no choice but to forget "all" this or prolly my entire life thereof. i've no ounce of strength left to fight whatever this is happening to me, all i can do is cry my eyes out and feel the pain of remorse for some wrong choices that i've made. no space for feeling sorry for myself there, afterall, i brought this upon myself, i've been the devil's advocate in this whole satyre, no sense in blaming anybody else but me...i could muster up all the curses that i can think of but it won't matter anymore, i'm still here feeling dejected and with a sickening feeling in the pit of my gut

solace

I find SOLACE in hither, i wish I could find that in myself right now...
"YOU" have been more than i could ever ask for and I cherish all the love that you continue to show and bestow on me. If I'd have it any other way, i would protect you from all the harshness that the world can muster coz whenever we're together, nothing else really matters and everything fades into oblivion

i love you...have more patience...time is passing as it we would wield it to be..it's just "YOU" & me... forever

rain

according to some, RAIN depicts blessings or some form of affirmation for something, In my opinion, it summarizes how I feel right at this very moment...

it's what you call temporary amnesia

sometimes people get so caught up in what's currently happening in their daily existence that's why they tend to forget some more important things or more important people per se...

I've been writing this blog since the start of the year, I have been trying really hard not to miss an entry in this whole new area in my "writing life". This is the main reason why as much as I can, I log on here and place my everyday happenings and thoughts.

In this undying quest for complete blog entries, it totally slipped me that I should be writing something about this specific person in my life. I have been so preoccupied with my current rantings, job hunting and paper documentations that I have totally forgotten to cite the major turning point in the storybook called "My Life"

last year, I was just out here minding my business and was continuously doing what I do best: follow my whole life's routine, be myself, work to death and not care a fig on what transpires out of own little world. All I do is mind myself and just that. Flat, right?

It didn't occur to me that 2007 would be a turning point...a good one...I haven't imagined in my slightest dreams that I'd come across this one person who'd be changing my life forever and who would be penetrating this solitary shield I have placed upon myself. talk about a bunch of cliches. There I was thinking that I'm confined to forever singlehood and I'd end up growing old with dogs and will resort to calling them my babies when upon the most unexpected situation I came across "him". Well, I'd rather call it confusing instead of unexpected. I mean, who wouldn't? I was miserable after some guy literally dump me in an out of town adventure which was supposed to be geared for romance but ended in a complete nightmare and "he" was there utterly confused about his current relationship which was hitting the bottom low and tailspinning more downwards. During that time, all we needed was a good conversation and a comrad who'd lend an ear to each of our own melodrama. We ended up with more, I ended with "him" and he ended up with me

When other people are asked on how 2007 went by, they'd prolly say 2007 this, 2007 that, blah, blah, blah, blah. I, on the other hand can sum it up in one word: WONDERFUL... because this year has brought me this one person which is now considered to be a big piece of me. 2007 has given "him" to me, I am more than thankful, I am humbled...

just like a tattoo

medical check-ups and the eekiness of life's imperfections

today is one hell of a roller coaster ride. my morning was centered in Manila. I went to DFA to have my passport renewed and to my surprise, it took only a few moments of hours to have my "appearance" at their office. ok, maybe this should be attributed to the fact that I had it processed using this phone-renewal service instead of doing it the regular way. seriously, this type of fast processing can count as a blessing for us Filipinos. if it weren't invented, I'm sure I'd be one of those people who were outside DFA, in a very loooooooooooooooooong line and screaming at every guard in sight. it was really pitiful how these people were earlier, specially during the time that one of the "security officers"declared that the application process is over and only those in front of the line will be entertained because they have already reached their so-called "qouta" for passport applicants. I mean, if I was one of the people who got cut off from the chance to process my application, I would probably be appalled like most of them. During the time that I was going home, i even thought that a stampede is fast approaching, it made my exit quicker in the earnest to run for my life from the mad crowd in a row.

afternoon came and I thought I'd be given the chance to catch up on sleep but unfortunately, I still had tons of processing to do. well, in follow up to my previous entry "to do or not to do...that is the ULTIMATE question". I called my pending application again and to my dismay, the HR personnel gave it to me straight. it's not that I didn't make the cut rather the position that I was applying for was on hold because of some budget constraints and they were still looking for an appropriate position where I can fit. I had no choice but to affirm with her and say everything was ok when in fact, I was very much disappointed with this news. It took me awhile to digest the idea that this company is not for me. Sure, I can go on and on and list all the good qualities and superb factors as to why I want to join them and why they're considered to be top of the line, but hey, it doesn't matter now. In summary, I was dumped. There are no other ways of putting it. I can sugar coat it and pretend that this was all a bad joke but in reality, i was heart broken. I felt like i was duped into thinking that something positive was afoot and that all the interviewers' good praises are signs that they're welcoming me but in truth, it was all a farce. Some might think I'm sourgraping or bitter even. Who wouldn't? I processed this for like 2 months and wagered everything that I've got into believing that this is the big break that I needed and what do I get, a smack from reality that brought me tumbling back to the floor.

enough being said, I decided to pick myself up from this dark mood and went on to have my medical check-up for my second choice of a job. afterall, it's better to have a second than to have no choice at all. and so i traveled to Galleria to look for the medical laboratory where I was intended to have my pre-employment check. this experience is absolutely horendous. i have to tell you, I didn't enjoy one bit of it. from the moment of having my urine sample taken, to my physical check-up (more like a semi porn movie to be exact)to my x-ray and down to my blood test (and who thought blood donation is only voluntary huh?1 vial is too much for a blood sample, who's doing the blood extraction:dracula?), it was a cringe in my skin. it's a big question on why they invented these semi-clinic or medical laboratories watchamacalit in the first place. It's bad enough that they do not have a systematic approach in checking their clients but to actually FORCE your patients to urinate more than 60 ml just to satisfy your procedure of filling one whole container up to brim is totally propostorous. seriously, this is way too much even for my uncanny mind to handle.

and so I finished doing this check up at around 6pm already and by that time, I was too exhausted to complain to any of their staffs that nobody told me that I can already go home after my x-ray moment. all I did was to drag myself out of the clinic and to slowly walk home...feeling alone and quite proud of myself because I did not do any single ranting in this God forsaken "clinic"

tomorrow, I'm targeting to renew my driver's license. I'm uncertain on what lies ahead for me in the LTO but be assured that whatever it may be, I will be ready. nyak-nyak-nyak. teehee :D

to do or not to do...that is my ULTIMATE question...

haaaay, it's a Monday again. My world has revolved around the four corners of my room and it's really clawing me in. I can actually hear the tick-tocking of the clock outside and it's driving me slowly around the bend. I have called every friend already and as it turns out, they're all quite busy. Too bad, I'm not, right? Hmm, I'm getting tired of lounging around here and eating all the stock of chocolates that my mother has kept inside the fridge. Man, if two big bars of Toblerone, 1 big box of Swiss Chocolate and another box of French Chocos do not turn your sugar rush level up, I don't know what will. Aside from being a total choco-monster, I have also developed the love for bacon & ham. Forgive me doctor for I have sinned....
It has been two days straight for the bacon and me. I have been eating it since the weekends and man, the oh so fattening oil dripping from it while it I slowly chew on the crispy yet sumptuous meal in my mouth is "heavenly". It's what I call addicting. No need for beer or drugs for me, just a thin slice of pork and you'd expect me to do your bidding. Ok, that sounded wrong, I mean, really wrong. hahaha (wink, wink)

So much for starting the year on a clean slate, I'd practically need 6 months of retreat before I finally achieve that. On the contrary, I think 3 months would suffice. It would be enough to somehow make me shoo out the "evilness" in my body (wohoooo...is that a dare?)

Ok, back to the original context: I told myself that I'd gather all the courage that I have and would actually call the company that I still have this pending application to and guess what, to my dismay, I can't seem to get a hold of their HR personnel. Hello, I began calling at around 11 in the morning and up to this instant (5:45 in the afternoon), there is still no sign of her. Is it my lucky day or what? All I wanted to do was to follow up on the status of my papers and pray to God that she has some feedback already. Afterall, it's been 2 months since my whole application proper. Of course, I didn't get the chance to talk to her and I'm still left with this dilemma in my brain...I wish I could just operate on myself and take out my cerebrum, at least that will leave me clueless.