lousiness personified

well, tis another lousy monday spent at home...oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention, tis a long weekend coz the whole Philippines was celebrating a national holiday. yep, this is. afterall, the Philippines...where people enjoy having extra leisure time all for themselves, specially on occasions such as today.

nuf said, i spent my day loungin in my room again and talking to my "bestfriend"- my bed. if i'd known that i'll be here the whole day and be propped up and watch wwe, i should have just went to laguna with my family. they visited one of my cousins there and spent an afternoon of chikahan, daldalan and catching up. i, on the other hand, spent my time looking at the ceiling and thinking of nothing.

i waited for my bf, only to end up disappointed. i mean, seriously, i was all cheery when i woke up earlier. i had the notion that we'd be spending the rest of the day together, after his work but i guess, i was mistaken. well, add to the fact that it was already around 4pm when he dropped by, he had to tell me that our trip over the weekends would not push through, that probably made my day...as un-exciting as it became.

as much as i want to act normal and just brush it off like how i'm used to, at this point, i really can't...i can't seem to ignore the fact that i have this gnawing feeling of frustration in me. it's like having your 6th birthday party and not having cake just because... simply just because. it's been 4 hrs. since my conversation with him and it still feels like i'm stuck in between. i just hate the feeling of having to say that it's alright when i know it's not that fine yet and i hate the feeling of not negating certain issues because i know it's the right thing to do.and you know what i hate the most? it's me trying to dictate to myself that everything's going smoothly because i understand the situation that i am in...or the sitch that i chose to be in...

beats me..i'm really feeling grimy at this very instant... blech!