from AM to SAM

well, it's a sunday again and I think I owe this blog two entries at least. After all the things that are happening to me, i think, blogging here should be a rewarding way for me to de-stress somehow.

this week has been eventful as it is and to start off,one of my cousins along with her fam visited Manila again and this time,it's not for a funeral service or anything bad but really just for plain vacation. their stay here lasted only 3 days and the highlight was them going to Subic and enjoying the whole day jet-skiing. Sad to say, I didn't come along. I stayed at home and tended to the stuff that I needed to finish.

Too Bad huh? not really, i enjoyed every bit of time that I was at home. Having all my cousins gone with their children along leaves a very peaceful moment here at the house. It's not like we live in one place or anything, more like a compound and if my nieces or nephews are out playing, you can expect a whole lot of ruckus.

In any case, that basically started my whole week and somehow, the middle of it was quite ok and all went well.

Maybe, something unexpected did happen and it was during last Thursday.

I always had this notion that my usual week would just be plain busy and I'd be engrossed with work again. Not that I'm complaining. Work usually has my hands full and it keeps me from not doing anything and be up and about.

Thursday afternoon, our HR head asked me to see her in this mini-conference room near our Department. She had this really straight face and her voice was quite serious and low. I had the impression that I did something bad or I commited an offense against the Company Policy because she didn't give any hint of warmth or did not even smile at me.

When I sat down and listened to what she was saying, it was not really registering. All that was coming out of her mouth were a bunch of jumbled words and the only thing I can remember was her asking me to get a pen to sign papers...which of course, I did.

The whole scene was quite fast and it didn't even took 10 minutes. She said her piece and I signed the receiving copy of the papers and then she was out the door. Whew! Isn't that weird? Well, I think it was...

Not to mention, when I was alone and was reading the documents on my own already.... That's just when I realized that I signed papers intended for my promotion. It said about me increasing in rank, etc, etc,yada, yada...and awhole lot more.

Of course, that left a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon or this week almost...until Bagyong Ondoy passed by...that, on the other hand, is left for another blog entry...

another long weekend

as i end my Sunday and move on to another Holiday Monday, i realized that after that, it's already the 22nd of September and a few more days and October's rolling in.

I'm counting the days until the year has passed by once again and 2010 is just round the bend. Well, it's not like I'm looking forward to ending the page for 2009 but it's more of my disbelief that alot of days, months, weekends, work-days have passed right before my very eye.

I went out last night with my boyfriend. It's our usual Saturday moment together and we decided to have dinner at Metrowalk again. Well, the thing is, we needed to bring back a disfunctional dvd there to get it replaced so this led us to of course, eating there after our errand.

We checked out the newly opened "Marina" resto. When I say newly opened, it means new to my standards. Afterall, the place might have been in operation for a couple of months already and yesterday was the only time we were able to visit it. Not that we don't like hangin at metrowalk but the no. 1 tambayan in me and my bf's vocab is Eastwood.

Metrowalk is just too near to our addresses that's why we try to veer away from there and take the next farthest gimikan after that block. Besides, Eastwood has my thumbs up because I like the crowd, the ambiance, it has cinemas and after eating, you have the privilege of walking around or choosing one of the coffee joints sprawled around to chill and talk.

Back to what I was saying, Marina at Metro was ok. I originally wanted to go to Jay-Jay's but my bf was against it. Not because of bad food or anything, it's mainly coz he knows i'll be ordering kare-kare again and he really squirms whenever I do, not to mention, i try to pair this up with sizzling sisig, yum, right? i guess, he's just so used to me being preditable when it comes to ordering at Jay-jay's that's why he wanted me to pick another place instead.

This is why we ended up at there... We've been in Metrowalk alot of times and we're very familar with all the food establishments there and have actually tried each and everyone of them. The only one left is Marina.

After much deliberation of where to go to and what to order. What ended on top of our table is still Kare-kare...hehehe, ironic huh? at least, we get to pair this with rockafeller and la paz batchoy and yeah, my bf's beer below zero whatever experience...(in short, san mig light na pinalamig at pinayelo.bwahahaha!)

With this being said, you would expect that the next thing to happen is for me and my bf to munch away and leave a bunch of plates after....honestly, i think both him and me are slowly becoming bochog na talaga :)

"lagay"

well, today was quite tiresome and very stressful. i was in the office and i tried finishing alot of the things that were pending on my plate. needless to say, it's an ordinary work experience for lil ol me.

after work, i went straight to galleria to meet my mother. we needed to buy some stuff and had to do a bit of an early Xmas shopping. the weird part is, we ended up buying things for ourselves. talk about nice eh? hehehe

in any case, the geist of this whole blog entry is that today marked my first ever time to get caught by the police in Ortigas...and my violation was quite complex. it was obstruction because i didn't turn left on a supposed left turn and this fucked up black isuzu crosswind was cutting me. of course, if you were the vehicle at my back, you'd do the same thing. afterall, i was running a 20 on my speedometer. slow huh? well, i'm just trying to be careful. besides, there are lots of crazy drivers out there.

to sum it up, the person who caught me wanted me to pay a fine of P500 because of my said violation and i had to plead for him not to get my license. not because i'm afraid of showing this in my driver's records or what (believe me, i already have one and the worse part is that it's in Makati)it's mainly because i do'nt want the hassle that comes along with this. like getting your license from the LTO office...the effort of going there really is shitty. so, in all cuteness and perkiness, i was joking around with this traffic enforcer and he let me off the hook. of course, that comes with the corresponding "o sige pagusapan na nga lang natin to" phrase coming out of him.

i agreed and you know what the funny part is? i gave him a "lagay" of only P20. geez, the lengths that people in uniform go to, just to earn extra. now, i realized that it indeed is RECESSION...

back to the drawing board

i thought that things will be going back to normal after all the hush-shush that we've been undergoing since last week but apparently, it's not. somehow, deep inside me, i have this gnawing feeling that this is more than what i've expected.

i figured, you know, if i brush it off as nothing really, it'll come off as one of the usual arguments that we've come to end after just an hour of discussion or maybe like the usual petty quarrels that makes me irk in annoyance. well, i'm slowly realizing that there is more to this than petty. it dawned on me that i am affected with what's bothering you and even if I try to close my eyes and pretend everything's gonna be fine, now, I'm not so sure

don't take this the wrong way, i'm not backing out. when i said i love you, i meant it. never did it cross my mind that i'll leave you hanging while i scamper off and runaway in fear. that's the coward's way out. i think i can fairly handle this and like what i said, i really don't care what others might think. even if half the world disapproves of this, i promise not to let it get to me.

it's just that lately, i feel like i'm amidst a big battle and i have to gather all my wits around me. i have to shield myself from that big cocoon of "uncertainty" slowly creeping up and eating me inside.

i've never encountered something like this before... i'm too scared...i'm scared that after all that's been said and done, i'll be empty...

after all's been said and done

today was another holiday monday, among many others.of course, it was declared as a non-working day because one of the icons of religion died and it was expected that most people would be attending his wake and would be taking their leave from work. well, to avoid this, i think declaring it as a holiday would be appropriate neverthless

i was out with my bf again and we went off to greenhills to buy his usual supplies of cellphones and gadgets, something work-related and not habit-forming. teehee

roaming around a people infested place like GH was quite tiring and i wasn't really looking forward to going there. not to mention the occasional heavy downpour of rain which makes me beady eyed with sleep is not enough for one to just want to stay at home and under the covers. but of coure, it's a chance for me to spend quality time with bf. sure, i'd take it

while we we're outside amidst the sea of people roaming about busy spending their cash, i realized that there is never a "tinatamad, kakainis, kakairita, NR, inaantok" excuse for me when it comes to my bf. it's like i never give out any excuse not to be with him. well, it's not that bad and i do think that most of the readers out there who are in a relationship can relate to me. it's just that come to think of it, when it comes to him, i spring back to life even if it's the saddest time of the day for me.

i dunnoh, maybe it's that feeling inside me saying that i care for this person which indirectly pushes me to give that extra boost of energy or maybe it's the thought of seeing him again after a long week of hard work which makes me prop up and anticipate in happiness but whatever that is, i have to applaud myself for keeping this up

i gotta admit, the last week was literally bad for me. work was too much pressure and i almost lost my bf over some issues that we can't answer together and to top it all off, my 6 yr. old niece died not because of some chronic illness of but of dengue (this is reserve for another blog entry) and i have to say there is a truth to the saying "when it rains, it pours" and man, for me, it was quite pouring heavy beyond...heavy.

those were really big things that happened and was quite draining. i'm not even sure how things got back to how they were, but they did (somehow, except of course the part where someone died) and honestly, i am very thankful

basag na basag kahit walang ulan

I have this friend who frequently uses the word “basag” to basically describe how he feels the day after a party or a midnight cap with his barkada. He uses this term to generally refer to how he is after drinking too much or spending a lot of time with different girls and hopping from one bar to another…

Too bad I can’t use it for describing something similar although summing up all that I feel right now is actually coined in the word itself. Yup…after only 3 hours of sleep, waking up with my eyes bulging and red inside out and my head throbbing like crazy, I feel so much the same as he does.

Basag na basag ako after an ubberly long discussion with my bf last night til like 3 in the morning and honestly, in as much as I don’t want to admit it, It’s getting to me.

You know how it is in teledramas wherein the main female casts pleads earnestly for the hunky male actor to not leave her because of her unwavering love for him? This is the time where most of us squirm and say “blech” while we reach for the remote and try to surf for another channel instead.

Seeing those scenes, I’ve somehow come to the conclusion that these are purely workings of the imaginative minds of the scriptwriter who wants to evoke an “emo” moment from each of the viewers and that they are fictional in nature.

Never did I imagine that I myself would experience something like this.

To say that I stripped myself of pride and all sanity would be an understatement. I’ve done so much more in the last 24 hours and somehow I’m not even sure whether I should regret it or stand tall and not give any care.

Most of my friends know that I’m not the type to beg and plead just to get a tinge of attention but what they do know is that when I fall, I fall hard.

It’s been awhile since I’ve poured out my heartaches nor did I threw in a tantrum because of a guy and I’m not used to doing so. I think I’ve past that “pacute” stage in my life already and I never thought I’d be going back until of course...NOW...

say it isn't so

there comes a point in your life that you have to make decisions and whatever twists or turn you do, you still can't figure out what the right thing to say is.

maybe this type of situation is happening to me now and yet i refuse to acknowledge that small tiny voice in my head that says that there is indeed a problem

though how many times i tried to ignore it and keep my eyes shut. there is still that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomache which shoots up into my gut when the notion of "breaking up" rises at the surface

call me a coward and i'll prolly admit it without batting an eyelash. if by "coward" you mean like someone trying to hold on to their love one because of too much feeling coiled up inside to the point of selfishness...yup, i guess that's me right at this very minute

i had another argument with my boyfriend and maybe earlier was a tad too much for me to handle. in most relationships, there are moments when bf-gfs do fight about certain issues. whether it be BIG, small, non-existent or even petty. there really is that certain day where you have to bicker at each other just to get a sense of fulfillment that you've actually made that special someone gasp in exasperation

today was no exception. it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life because i got my car from the seller already but of course, that was in the afternoon. the night turned out to be far worse

as usual, it slipped his mouth that he had this discussion with his mom again and of course, i was the center of the topic. not directly but rather somewhat connected to me...or so it seems...

how would you feel if your bf's mom pops out a sarcasm which says "hoy _____, ayus-ayusin mo nga yang buhay mo!" which doesnt refer to anything else in his personal life but only just silently wants to rub on the topic of his gf who happens to be Filipina and a nobody...

sad right?

i'm not here to point fingers nor to look for people who would sympathize. i'm simply here to share because as much as i want to talk to my very bestfriend and spill all the hurt, anger, frustration and confusion that's eating me up inside while i'm typing this blog entry...I CAN'T....

coz he's the very same person who shut the door earlier and who wanted to break up with me...

ironic isn't it?

sometimes i feel like...

well, the weekend has passed and it seems like it's the same old story for me...friday came, saturday passed by and sunday was typical...yada,yada, yada...

nothing new huh?

ok, ok, maybe some might say i'm overreacting. afterall, who wouldn't want my life right now? everything's just flowing smoothly. i've got a nice job with good fringes, my family's doing quite well, i'm getting a new ride soon and i have a very lovable boyfriend. who wouldn't want that for a birthday present?i bet some consider me lucky just as i am

hmm, not really...

it dawned on me that somehow, something's missing. you know that point in your life where you feel like there's part of you that you'd like to find out? well, i think i'm in that stage right now. i dunnoh how to call this, it might be what they call the "mid-life" crisis but then...is this happening to me? considering i'm not even in my midlife yet.hahahaha

this is quite funny. i'm talking nonsense in my very own blog.i'm a tad confused you know. i feel like i shouldn't be complaining about anything at all because what i'm thinking of is not even close to the problems of the rest of the world. i mean, here i go ranting about how my life is this and this, blah, blah blah while other people are looking for some means to survive or at least eat once in a day...

shoot, i really am talking jibberish...maybe, i should just head to bed and forget this ever happened and continue with my everyday existence..yeah, maybe that's it

*off i go to la la land...*

candies on a raindy day does the trick

well, i didn't have much time to log unto my blog acount yesterday that's why i'll be sharing what happened yesterday today instead...

of course, most of us know that yesterday was the funeral of our late president, tita cory and yup, as expected tons of people participated and shared their sincerest sympathy for her family... well, it was a very emotional day for most of us Filipinos. I mean, really, i wasn't a part of the EDSA uno and yet, i felt so sad seeing her go. too bad, we lost yet again, another great person...first it was the icon of pop and now the icon of democracy. tsk, what's next? hopefully it's more good news

speaking of which, i went out with my bf yesterday. since we couldn't really go to P'que to join the crowd in bringing Tita Cory to her last goodbye, well, we opted to watch a movie instead. We decided to hang at our fave place, as usual, Eastwood and we had lunch there and watched "the proposal"

the movie was a feel good one. afterall, who would argue. i was dead full when we were watching...i couldn't really focus. i wanted to sleep. nothing to cap off a full meal with a pillow and a blankee

had alot to eat at teriyaki boy. i took oyako don, kani salad and this philly kinda roll and avocado shake. man, was i sooooo busog. i almost puked. hahaha

but of course, that didn't stop me and my bf from buying candies from this "nuts about candies" place in the mall. we had like two bags of candies. 1 bag filled with gummy bears, worms, jelly-like candies in different shapes and sizes and the other bag was filled with chocolate coated candies, maltees. we were like kids on their first field trip to the candyshop.

it was fun, picking out which type to place in the bag but when we came across this 1 particular type of candy, it was really hilarious. hahaha...well, i couldn't really share it here coz some might find it weird and i don't want to be flagged coz of what i'm writing. in any case, the point of me sharing it is to say that i had a great time yesterday...thanks sweetness

it's a rainy day again

well, it's raining again...it has been this way these past few days and the weird part of it all is that it usually starts drizzling at night and them it moves into a heavy downpour

hmm, it looks like a good night to sleep early.hehehe

life is too short

being just born in 1983 and the youngest among my family, of course, all i can do is hear stories on "EDSA REVOLUTION" and how it all happened. too bad i wasn't there to witness everything but it left a historical mark on me

earlier, me and my officemates were staring down the window of our building, waiting for the procession for Cory's funeral entourage pass by. i can see the group of people who were waiting along the side of Ortigas, waiting for them as well. you can see the intensity of the whole situation and with the looks of it, alot would be joining in her burial rites on wednesday. it's good that the government decided t declare it as a National holiday. i'm sure most of the filipinos would be trying to join the aquino family in this last time for mourning.

well, i would like to extend my sympathy to them. it must be hard during this time...but i'm sure after a while things would be better and it would be back to normal.

for now, i would like to say thank you Mrs. Aquino for being the icon for democracy...you've been a very big help to the filipino nation in achieving freedom from the regime of the oppresive admnistration. i hope that whatever my fellowmen are doing right now is enough to give back and honor what you've done...

devoid of emotion...

i just got off from another conversation with you, as usual , it ended really "swell". I can't seem to understand why things have been going on like this for the past week and i can't understand what's going on lately...

i feel like everything that we've had is one big joke. parang naglolokohan lang tayo. it all stemmed from the fact that you bluntly said that there might be no future for us and i should think twice on wanting to continue this relationship or be friends na lang.

see, that's the problem. it's like life played a joke on me. i waited and waited for "that" special someone whom i'd love til forever and who'd do the same to me and yet here I am in this messed up situation as it is. i've been sheltering myself from getting hurt by not taking risks and yet when i decided to "dive in", i got into a sandpit... where i can't hold unto anything anymore.

i blame myself for being so stupid and not seeing all the signals right in front of my face when i met you. all the wrong ingredients were there... you had an ex whom apparently is still not an ex, a psycho stalker and a bunch of other issues hanging above your head. all i needed to do was to turn away and never look back but i didn't heed myself, i went straight into sudden uncertainty.

now, i'm confused. it seems like everyday and every fight that we have diminishes me and pushes me over the brink. minsan, napapagod na ako. napapagod na akong mahalin ka with all your issues and restrictions. minsan, i feel like hindi ako sapat

akala ko, love is understanding...pero hanggang saan ko dapat intindihin lahat ng mga nangyayari?

maybe, your parents are right. hindi tayo bagay,maybe what you need is the "perfect girl". that girl whom all the people around you can accept. but like what the saying said "nobody's really perfect" so, how can that turn out for you?

i'm a bit numb from feeling and i've done alot of crying already. maybe it's time for me to stop and think for awhile...yes, like what you said earlier, i should think about what i really want and then maybe, that's when it'll all be better...

*breathe*

sometimes things get to me...

well, today didn't really turn out quite beautiful. as usual, i have been busy trying to fix my loan requirements and as expected, it has been disastrous. some people are just born complicated and some are "created" that way. don't get me wrong, i ain't talking jibberish here. i'm basically pointing out that our hr department is a different breed. they really are the works and i didn't mean that in the good sense.

they've been a pain in the ass for quite some time now...i'll try to explain later. i'm really not in the mood...

ang bilis ng panahon

it's the mid of june already and next thing you know, it's july and it's nanay's b-day again. i can still remember last year when we celebrated it with a quiet dinner outside. sobrang simple lang... i can't believe 12 months have passed already and she's turning a year older and it's the turn of the year na rin. next thing you know, you can start hearing Christmas carols again and there are tons of carolers parading in the streets.

whew, how time flies. if we can only capture it in a still photo, i bet most of us will but then i can just hear the old age saying "there's nothing constant except change" and yeah the tiny voice of my bf echoing about saying "you know, there's nothing wrong with change naman" and yeah, maybe he's right...

last saturday, i was out with him the whole day. what started out as a planned trip to tagaytay ended up as a carrot chase for cars and we were running about talking to different types of people trying to ask what car brand they have, color, mileage, transmission and negotiating with them on the last price. the works, right?oh, in case i forgot to mention and some might of you might be wondering what the heck i'm talking about, well, i sold my car early this june and it's a pain going through the whole process but to cut the story short, i have moved on and i'm starting all over again. being tragic about the whole thing won't really help... that's why i've contained all the remorse i have and closed my eyes to everything

ok, ok, i'll stop talking in jibberish and will revert back to what the original topic was...oh, yeah; CHANGE

and so, i have to agree to my boyfriend, change really is essential and maybe i am not doing much of that lately. i have been stuck with some things in my life for quite some time now and maybe that's the reason why i'm not moving ahead or past forward, the way that i should be. hmm, i've been realizing alot of things and this is thanks to my bf. he has made me see how "sheltered' i am from what's really happening.

i admit, i have always been afraid of risking...or at least doing something that is foreign to me. i mean, take a good example of my relation-ship life. i have been a no boyfriend since birth and have never been involved in any type of shitty-ness like failing grades, drugs, boys, gambling or any other type of heinous misbehaving of the common teenager.

sure, some might say that there's nothing wrong with that or i'm admirable for behaving quite well in this day and age. I, on the other hand, call it BORING. it's like i'm not living my life to the fullest and i'm taking the "safer" road to avoid any complications.

true, i've been that way all my life. i've been used to doing what's right and being the responsible person that I am. i've always thought that there's just the right and the wrong in everything and doing the right will earn you approval from society. of course, i didn't take into consideration that there is such as what we call the "grey area' in life wherein there are complications and doing the correct thing isn't always the solution. i've mapped out this non-complex direction to take eversince i was young because i have been afraid of facing challenges that i won't be able to handle and will be out of my control. i have been so used to having my way that i never thought that some time in life, there will be moments wherein i'd be taken aback and won't be able to do anything to except accept what's laid in front of me

i'm currently in a fix, i feel like everything i have is at an a-ok stage and it got me thinking. is this what i really want? in 3 yrs time, do i still see myself doing the same shit all over again or being just this way. i feel that somehow, despite everything that i have, something's missing... at this point, i'm not yet sure what it is...

pokerface

well, i've been raving about this song for quite some time already and i feel like it's being played out by my mind. here it is:

POKER FACE by LADY GAGA

um mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas, please
Fold em' let em' hit me, raise it baby, stay with me
Luck and intuition play the cards with spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love, if its not rough it isn't fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I love you
[ Lady Gaga Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying
I'm just stunnin'
With my love-glue-gunning

Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

sometimes we forget

there are times in our life that everything seems to be going just quite well so we tend to forget what life is really all about

i admit, i'm guilty of that crime, who wouldn't? i've got everything that i want right here where i want it:
1. i''ve got a great job with a good salary and fringes
2. i'm cool with my barkada relationship with my mother
3. despite all my friends being uber bc, i still get to talk and see them once in awhile
4. i've got a bf who loves me soo much and who's the epitome of all that i've ever dreamt of in a perfect-mate

who could ask for more, right?

but of course, life has it's way of pulling you back into reality and biting you in the ass when you least expect it.

this whole week, i've been sick and up to this minute i'm still not sure as to what this is.

it started last tuesday, when i drank a cup of hot coffee from a vendo machine. after 30 minutes, my stomache began to hurt and mind you, it was friggin painful. it didn't stop there, i was in utter pain the rest of the day until that night that i had to be rushed to the ER so that they can relieve me of what i was feeling...eversince, i have been drinking alot of medicine and i began my venture into guinea-pig land wherein the rest day for me is getting my blood examined and drinking 2 tablets of iron a day

i'm still in utter disbelief that this is happening to me. i mean seriously, i think i'm in denial stage right now. it's not because i don't want to get sick but maybe i'm afraid.

i'm afraid that this might be more than just a simple stomache ache. that they might find something wrong with me and if they do, what will happen next. i've never been afraid of piercing, blood extraction and the like. hell, i've even gotten 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out at one time and i didn't even cry about it. but this is different

the doctor tells me that this might be some acute stomache whatchamacalit or perhaps appendicitis. sure, they sound simple enough to explain to me but lo and behold that when the doctor informs me that both of them would require operation, i held a very sturdy upfront but deep down, i was panicking. i've never had an operation in my entire life and i don't want to start now

ok, ok, i know that when you get operated, there is such a word as anesthesia but even if, i'm still freaking out about it. i've never had any part of my body ripped open and be observed by a group of medical practitioners while deciding what organ to connect to the other. i've never had something this major and probably, what i can assess as dangerous...

maybe some might say i'm overacting, specially those who've had a hand in a major operation already (heart, brain, whatever organ) but can't a girl be scared for once?

i feel more than pain in the pit of my stomache but more of a gut wrenching fuzziness spreading the warmth inside. i just dunnoh what to say anymore. honestly, i blogged right now to ease the tension and all the bad thought swimming in my brain but i'm not sure if it's helping me because after this whole entry's over,it's still the same

i'm frightened...

catching myself by surprise

well, it's a monday and it's the first one after holy week, after a very long weekend of staying at home

and it's a shock that despite my boring existence over the holidays, i still decided to take a vl today. guess it's a force of habit, afterall, i've got tons of vls that i have to finish (according to hr that is) too bad these leaves are not convertible to cash or else i'd get alot by the looks of what's left in my attendance form. hehehe

hmm, not much to say except that today was very hot...scorching...seriously, it's like i was in the beach minus the sea and the sand but with the gallons of perspiration all over my bod. not to mention, i was the only person at home, all my friends were at their office, working their butts off.

i was sticky all over, thank god for our shower, i was able to enjoy the rest of the afternoon with the fresh feeling that i had but of course, that took showering twice instead of the usual.

while i was hangin here in my room, i realized that summer will soon be over and i haven't had any near the beach action yet. well, i did go swimming but i'm not sure if that counts because i only swam in 2 hotel's swimming pool and i went to highlands and took a dip in their pool. it's not exactly what i was looking for, i've always wanted to have some summer escapade where i'll be stayin in a beach, enjoying the scenery, walking barefoot on the sand, flicking water at my friend and not having any care in the world...

i think that won't happen anymore or it's just wishful thinking on my part because i still don't have anybody to go with. excuse the sarcasm, but it seems like everybody's too friggin engrossed in their own life that they've forgotten about lil ol me...tsk, so much for having friends

in any case, while i was here in my room earlier, wallowing in self pity, i've decided to take pictures of myself (again, for the nth time) and that basically occupied me until the afternoon when i had to go out and meet my mother already.

since, i'm here posting a blog, might as well, share a photo with you guys...

suman anyone?

well, in connection to my earlier post, i went to Bulacan last maundy thursday and much to my surprise, i did enjoy the whole 4 hours i spent there...
ok, ok, some might ask what the meaning of that whole sentence but sorry to say, it's a long story and i'm in no mood to tell it right now

all i know is that being there somehow brought me to the simplicity of life. when you go to places outside manila, you sometimes see that people there are different: they just live life to the fullest and enjoy the whatever goes along there way

just like my tita...when we got to the house, she was basically on the front of the house with her hair unkept and not a care in the world. all she wanted to do was make her homemade suman amidst the voice of the man who was singing the "pasyon" in the nearby chapel

truth be told, what she made was really good and it inspired me for the rest of that day. this is the reason i took photos of the suman she made. to remind me that once in awhile, i should sit back relax and not worry about my savings :)

holy week is a time for yourself

it's been eons since i last posted here...literally it's been 3 months actually

a lot has passed

well, nothing really outside the ordinary, just the same old stuff happening in my life except of course, my car got wrecked last march and up to this instant i'm still having it fixed. well, outside the fact that i got pissed initially, i've gotten over it and moved on...by commuting. hahaha

at this instant, i'm just chilling in my room, enjoying the utter silence (thank heavens my nieces and nephews are not around to pester the hell out of everybody!)and listening to my fave r&B songs. ok, ok, not really mine, more like my bf's...he's the one who's been downloading music from the net and handing em over to me. thank you so much sweetie, without your utter love for music, then i'd be desolate right now...

too bad your not here though, we could have encountered the holy week together while throwing jokes and "hirits" to one another aside from cuddling and holding hands, of course *wink*

well, i'm making the most out of it...you can say that again, this is prolly the weirdest holy week ever coz i've been bonding with my mother...we went to Bulacan yesterday and today, we watch like 2 dvds together. i guess, i have been pining for company since it's like 4 straight days of no work and pure fun...

hmm, i think it's time to end this entry, my mother's calling me for dinner.i'll try to log in later

buhbye! :P

uno

no, this entry is not about the mag, lay off the whole whatda-F when you read the title pips

this blog entry is wholly dedicated to my ONE and only boyfriend (do i need to reiterate the one in the sentence?) teeeheee...

well, dear sweetness, it's now officially a year for our relationship. how time flies and yet i feel like everytime we see each other, it's still a new experience

some might find it weird but it's true, everytime you go to my place, sit at the sofa and watch tv (whether it's tuned into WWE or some crappy-ass local channel--> thanks to my mother, of course)and talk to my mother or relatives (who sometimes might be hanging around the area) it seems like it's the first time you're doing it

ewan ko ba pero with us, with our relationship, i can actually say it's different. it's not the ordinary type and i'm certainly glad it isn't

if we tell others that we have been talking every single day since we've met each other, they might not believe us, hmm, ok, ok, that's an exageration... yes, there were times that we didn't get to talk, simply because i was sick. that's less than 10 days and i guess that won't count, right?

it doesn't matter though... what's important is the fact that talking to you earlier at starbucks (which one? hint: there were lotsa pips and it was near a club, major bummer....hahaha) i realized that i never felt this way with anyone before. sure, i use to date alot of guys and yeah, ok, some of them were like, how should i put it? oh, H-O-T!!! but comparing them to you, they were nothing

u made me more than happy...the word for me right now is contented...

so, as i try to finish this entry, let me say thank you to YOU, my dear one...my sweetness...

thank you for loving me more than i've imagined
thank you for caring more than i've expected
thank you for being there more than the times that i needed you
thank you for understanding more than i did
and thank you for sticking with me all these months

12 months down, 4EVER 2 GO!!!

actually, counting the time that we dated, we have been together for 1 year and 8 months already....i love you so much...you know who you are :)

out of tune

well, i spent my whole day being totally MUTE and fucked up

i mean, it's just jan 2 and my body already decided to break down and get sick. of course, my fragile body bailed out on me again. aside from having fever last night at 39 degrees and chilling like it's my last day on earth, today i completely lost my voice

seriously, i'm not exagerating whatsoever but whenever I open my mouth to talk, a croak or squeek comes out.it really is weird and irritating me to the utmost

it's barely 2 days and i need to go back to the office, how the hell will i answer my phoneline? i mean, i'm supposed to go dive back into action on jan 5 and for crying out loud, i need my voice for it. talk about 1 shitty sitch i'm in right now

honestly, it's the first ever time that i'm mute and DUMBfounded and it doesn't feel good. i mean, we were at metro earlier and i got stares from waiters since i'm merely pointing my order to them and wasn't speaking at all. i felt like a freak and i hate the feeling

i'm sure how long until i get my voice back but heck, even if this annoys me more than i can take

at least there's a consolation...

my boyfriend was able to visit me and we hanged at my room, watching cable, dvds and of course, continuously cuddling and looking into each other's eyes, NICE! ;P