devoid of emotion...

i just got off from another conversation with you, as usual , it ended really "swell". I can't seem to understand why things have been going on like this for the past week and i can't understand what's going on lately...

i feel like everything that we've had is one big joke. parang naglolokohan lang tayo. it all stemmed from the fact that you bluntly said that there might be no future for us and i should think twice on wanting to continue this relationship or be friends na lang.

see, that's the problem. it's like life played a joke on me. i waited and waited for "that" special someone whom i'd love til forever and who'd do the same to me and yet here I am in this messed up situation as it is. i've been sheltering myself from getting hurt by not taking risks and yet when i decided to "dive in", i got into a sandpit... where i can't hold unto anything anymore.

i blame myself for being so stupid and not seeing all the signals right in front of my face when i met you. all the wrong ingredients were there... you had an ex whom apparently is still not an ex, a psycho stalker and a bunch of other issues hanging above your head. all i needed to do was to turn away and never look back but i didn't heed myself, i went straight into sudden uncertainty.

now, i'm confused. it seems like everyday and every fight that we have diminishes me and pushes me over the brink. minsan, napapagod na ako. napapagod na akong mahalin ka with all your issues and restrictions. minsan, i feel like hindi ako sapat

akala ko, love is understanding...pero hanggang saan ko dapat intindihin lahat ng mga nangyayari?

maybe, your parents are right. hindi tayo bagay,maybe what you need is the "perfect girl". that girl whom all the people around you can accept. but like what the saying said "nobody's really perfect" so, how can that turn out for you?

i'm a bit numb from feeling and i've done alot of crying already. maybe it's time for me to stop and think for awhile...yes, like what you said earlier, i should think about what i really want and then maybe, that's when it'll all be better...

*breathe*