back to the drawing board

i thought that things will be going back to normal after all the hush-shush that we've been undergoing since last week but apparently, it's not. somehow, deep inside me, i have this gnawing feeling that this is more than what i've expected.

i figured, you know, if i brush it off as nothing really, it'll come off as one of the usual arguments that we've come to end after just an hour of discussion or maybe like the usual petty quarrels that makes me irk in annoyance. well, i'm slowly realizing that there is more to this than petty. it dawned on me that i am affected with what's bothering you and even if I try to close my eyes and pretend everything's gonna be fine, now, I'm not so sure

don't take this the wrong way, i'm not backing out. when i said i love you, i meant it. never did it cross my mind that i'll leave you hanging while i scamper off and runaway in fear. that's the coward's way out. i think i can fairly handle this and like what i said, i really don't care what others might think. even if half the world disapproves of this, i promise not to let it get to me.

it's just that lately, i feel like i'm amidst a big battle and i have to gather all my wits around me. i have to shield myself from that big cocoon of "uncertainty" slowly creeping up and eating me inside.

i've never encountered something like this before... i'm too scared...i'm scared that after all that's been said and done, i'll be empty...