ang bilis ng panahon

it's the mid of june already and next thing you know, it's july and it's nanay's b-day again. i can still remember last year when we celebrated it with a quiet dinner outside. sobrang simple lang... i can't believe 12 months have passed already and she's turning a year older and it's the turn of the year na rin. next thing you know, you can start hearing Christmas carols again and there are tons of carolers parading in the streets.

whew, how time flies. if we can only capture it in a still photo, i bet most of us will but then i can just hear the old age saying "there's nothing constant except change" and yeah the tiny voice of my bf echoing about saying "you know, there's nothing wrong with change naman" and yeah, maybe he's right...

last saturday, i was out with him the whole day. what started out as a planned trip to tagaytay ended up as a carrot chase for cars and we were running about talking to different types of people trying to ask what car brand they have, color, mileage, transmission and negotiating with them on the last price. the works, right?oh, in case i forgot to mention and some might of you might be wondering what the heck i'm talking about, well, i sold my car early this june and it's a pain going through the whole process but to cut the story short, i have moved on and i'm starting all over again. being tragic about the whole thing won't really help... that's why i've contained all the remorse i have and closed my eyes to everything

ok, ok, i'll stop talking in jibberish and will revert back to what the original topic was...oh, yeah; CHANGE

and so, i have to agree to my boyfriend, change really is essential and maybe i am not doing much of that lately. i have been stuck with some things in my life for quite some time now and maybe that's the reason why i'm not moving ahead or past forward, the way that i should be. hmm, i've been realizing alot of things and this is thanks to my bf. he has made me see how "sheltered' i am from what's really happening.

i admit, i have always been afraid of risking...or at least doing something that is foreign to me. i mean, take a good example of my relation-ship life. i have been a no boyfriend since birth and have never been involved in any type of shitty-ness like failing grades, drugs, boys, gambling or any other type of heinous misbehaving of the common teenager.

sure, some might say that there's nothing wrong with that or i'm admirable for behaving quite well in this day and age. I, on the other hand, call it BORING. it's like i'm not living my life to the fullest and i'm taking the "safer" road to avoid any complications.

true, i've been that way all my life. i've been used to doing what's right and being the responsible person that I am. i've always thought that there's just the right and the wrong in everything and doing the right will earn you approval from society. of course, i didn't take into consideration that there is such as what we call the "grey area' in life wherein there are complications and doing the correct thing isn't always the solution. i've mapped out this non-complex direction to take eversince i was young because i have been afraid of facing challenges that i won't be able to handle and will be out of my control. i have been so used to having my way that i never thought that some time in life, there will be moments wherein i'd be taken aback and won't be able to do anything to except accept what's laid in front of me

i'm currently in a fix, i feel like everything i have is at an a-ok stage and it got me thinking. is this what i really want? in 3 yrs time, do i still see myself doing the same shit all over again or being just this way. i feel that somehow, despite everything that i have, something's missing... at this point, i'm not yet sure what it is...