when things literally do not go into the direction that you want it to, you start to blame alot of things or even alot of people for that matter when all you need to do is get a mirror and place it in front of you and say "this is your own doing...you coward"
i'm in a mess right now and from the looks of it, i am not even sure how to put things in their proper perspective, let alone pick up the pieces and try to put it back together. yup, you red it right, the once independent, headstrung, self righteous feminist is currently in a tangled web. not to mention, a large complex web, at that...i've tried to put it aside, to act like nothing is wrong and to somehow soothe my nerves but in all HONESTY, nothing seems to work. i have jangled nerve endings waiting to burst out, i'm feeling symptoms of i don't know what and at this exact moment, i feel like a part of me is suddenly dying, slowly retrieving into the God-forsaken world of numbness.i wish someone would just put me out of this misery and help me get through this like how it works in the wonderful world of fairies where you pop the magic wand and "poof" disappears all the heartaches and melodramas or maybe, some helpful speed-crazy driving lunatic would run me over so that i'd have literally no choice but to forget "all" this or prolly my entire life thereof. i've no ounce of strength left to fight whatever this is happening to me, all i can do is cry my eyes out and feel the pain of remorse for some wrong choices that i've made. no space for feeling sorry for myself there, afterall, i brought this upon myself, i've been the devil's advocate in this whole satyre, no sense in blaming anybody else but me...i could muster up all the curses that i can think of but it won't matter anymore, i'm still here feeling dejected and with a sickening feeling in the pit of my gut
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