mortified confusion of some sort

referring to a previous blog entry of mine wherein one of the companies that i applied for decided to place the position on hold and told me like after 2 months of waiting for the result...this is a continuation of that scenario.

so i was all set to wait and prepare for my orientation this friday, picking out clothes, preparing my organizer and mentally thinking of happy thoughts that will enable me to smoothly finish my "first day" and this happened...

i woke up at around 10:45 in the morning today, maybe this was brought about by my whole escapade at trinoma yesterday or something else but all i know is that i was extremely tired like a lump of log and i woke up after 11 hours of sleep. well, not to mention the fact that i woke up earlier at 5 in the morning because i was having a very deep asthma attack and i couldn't contain my coughing and runny nose ( i began to develop the problem this morning all of a sudden) so what I did was to wait for it to subside before going back to bed. this was, of course, after thirty minutes of waiting while sitting down ( most asthma pips would understand why i had this difficulty of getting back to sleep during my attack and can definitely empathize with me) on my bed. after quite some time, i was finally lulled back to slumberland and that's where the extra 6 hours of sleep came from.

back to my point; there i was feeling dazed and definitely yawning my whole mouth out when i looked at my mobile and saw 8 miscalls and 2 text messages. well, the first text was dispensable because it was just an advisory from Globe about some contest whatsoever (what's new, they usually have tons of ads that they send out every now and then to different mobile subscribers) but the other one was quite baffling. it was of course from the previous company that i applied to (remember the one which the HR officer informed me that the position was on hold?) the message stated that she wanted to talk, well, that is apparent from the 8 miscalls which was logged on my phone, right? this whole scene actually irked me because a brief flash back of what transpired earlier this january during my application process again popped into my mind. the whole drama of wanting this job so bad and almost pleading to them to ask for results and ending up with an open ended answer really brings my blood to a boil.but true to my word, i really wanted to join that company badly and even if i was pissed out of my existence during that moment, i still had the decency to write an email to the HR officer and say my thanks about the so-called "wonderful" application process they have delivered and even asked them to take note and place my CV in their active folder's file...

so much for my reminiscing, back to the present. since i am naturally a very amiable person and i really do not hold grudges no matter how disparaging the whole system or situation is, i still had the courtesy to return this HR officer's call to ask her on what the matter, this time, is.

i opened up the conversation with my usual bubbly self and my sweetest voice ever and tried to probe on what the matter was why she texted me out of nowhere. well, to say that i didn't expect a job offer right there on the spot would probably be absurd. i mean, why the hell would she bother to call me 8 times (til her fingers drop out...) if it was purely nothing and she just wanted to say hello? so, of course, she blurted the whole situation with common frankness and told me that they are considering me for the post and that the boss there is already expecting me. talk about major disappointment on my part...ok, hearing me say that is actually surreal. i guess i'm feeling disappointed because of the fact that this whole job offer shit is " a litle too late' already. i tried my best to continue expressing myself in my usual tone of voice while talking to this HR person but in truth, i was falling apart and was dumbfounded. i even do not know how to react because i was utterly speechless

well, thanks to my continued silence in the conversation, she realized that i was quite not into the whole thing. gathering my wits about me, i told her my situation of starting in another company and reminded her that i did inform her earlier about my plans of accepting another job offer if they would not hire me. she then asked on how the situation can be treated and i immediately told her that in all honesty, i am very much interested in their company but the fact remains that it is quite embarrassing for me to drop the other company like a hot potato...in as much as i want to join them, it is extremely difficult for me to back out on my word because the people there are quite nice and doing so would be unethical... my pleas of speechlessness fell on her deaf ears because despite everything i said, she continued her persuasion that's why i was prompted to tell her that maybe the salary and benefits package would determine whether i can join them or not. she then proceeded to ask me how much i was getting and all the other benefits in stored. i obliged by telling her what it was and then asked her if its possible to for them to somehow exceed or meet me halfway in that area. she answered me by saying that she will have to check with her boss...this placed a smile on my face. hehehehe

i'm sure most of the readers here would ask me why that whole statement placed a smile on my face. for one, having her rethink on offering me the job would actually be an advantage on my part, i would know on how much they can offer me in terms of compensation and at the same time, i would also know on how much they want to hire me. if she can match my current salary range or somehow (by force of luck) make an offer more than my current one, then this will prove that they have indeed decided to get me at any cost possible...

currently, i'm trying not to think about it anymore. i mean, seriously, i don't want to hassle myself over this fucked up sitch anymore. i'll just throw caution to the wind and let my fate lead me where i'm supposed to be... *sigh*